Mary3 Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I've talked to some men about their sex consumption after marraige and alot say it dwindles down to next to nothing ? Do you find this is true ? Does your wife give you it ( at least 3 to 4 times a week ) ? Or less ? And why ? or why not ? And why do married men put up with no sex or hardly any at all ? Me I love sex. I can't imagine being with someone and not giving them one of the important things in life....
Curmudgeon Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I've talked to some men about their sex consumption after marraige and alot say it dwindles down to next to nothing ? Do you find this is true ? Last marriage, yes. This marriage, no. In balance, I was 23 at the time of the first marriage. She was 18. I was 50 at the time of the second. She was 48. It's the latter in which one would expect a slowdown simply by virtue of age yet we're now 60 and 58 and it's still good. I think the difference may be that having sex, and merely that, can become routine and lose its excitement, luster and stimulation. Making love, on the other hand, continues indefinitely, is ever more satisfying and becomes a true expression of the love and esteem you have for one another. How many times you're "given it" is not important. What's important is how often you share it. It's not a commodity. It's a mutual gift!
Scrivdog Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Do you find this is true ? Yes Does your wife give you it ( at least 3 to 4 times a week ) ? Hell no Or less ? Much less And why ? or why not ? I'm obviously not meeting her emotional needs. You see, treating her nicely, making a far above average living, going on fancy vacations, and arranging life so she doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to gives her an existential "ennui" that leaves no room for sex. And why do married men put up with no sex or hardly any at all ? Many don't. They divorce or have affairs which then of course, joins these guys to the club of "cheaters" and the wives get to boo-hoo their way through their own little personal lifetime for television drama with their club of Stabucks shrews.
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I think the difference may be that having sex, and merely that, can become routine and lose its excitement, luster and stimulation. Making love, on the other hand, continues indefinitely, is ever more satisfying and becomes a true expression of the love and esteem you have for one another. How many times you're "given it" is not important. What's important is how often you share it. It's not a commodity. It's a mutual gift! Exactly. This is what I keep saying over and over on LS. One is like a mediocre snack when you're starving, takes the edge off but doesn't hit the spot so you can take it or leave it, the other a ten course feast you're sharing with your partner. In this, the more you give, the more you get.
Curmudgeon Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Do you find this is true ? Yes Does your wife give you it ( at least 3 to 4 times a week ) ? Hell no Or less ? Much less And why ? or why not ? I'm obviously not meeting her emotional needs. You see, treating her nicely, making a far above average living, going on fancy vacations, and arranging life so she doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to gives her an existential "ennui" that leaves no room for sex. And why do married men put up with no sex or hardly any at all ? Many don't. They divorce or have affairs which then of course, joins these guys to the club of "cheaters" and the wives get to boo-hoo their way through their own little personal lifetime for television drama with their club of Stabucks shrews. So which route are you planning to take?
Scrivdog Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 So which route are you planning to take? Well, I'm getting my wife a $100 gift certificate to Starbucks ..
PandorasBox Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 And why do married men put up with no sex or hardly any at all ? The same reason I guess that some women put up with men who do not meet their wives emotional needs etc. Of course its different for different reasons and people I'm sure. And if a man does meet his wives emotional needs, and has tried all other things he knows to try to get her to meet his needs sexually, then its possible it has gotten to the point to where they are just not itertested for whatever reason. Me I love sex. I can't imagine being with someone and not giving them one of the important things in life.... I think thats great, and hopefully (if you're married) or in a long term relationship, your spouse/b/f's sexual needs will always match yours.
Mr. Lucky Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Do you find this is true ? Yes Does your wife give you it ( at least 3 to 4 times a week ) ? Hell no Or less ? Much less And why ? or why not ? I'm obviously not meeting her emotional needs. You see, treating her nicely, making a far above average living, going on fancy vacations, and arranging life so she doesn't have to work if she doesn't want to gives her an existential "ennui" that leaves no room for sex. And why do married men put up with no sex or hardly any at all ? Many don't. They divorce or have affairs which then of course, joins these guys to the club of "cheaters" and the wives get to boo-hoo their way through their own little personal lifetime for television drama with their club of Stabucks shrews. I think that sexual disinterest in a marriage rarely exists in a vacuum and its causes can't be as one-sided as posters like Scrivdog would suggest. In fact, in true "chicken or egg" fashion, his inability to see her side is probably the main reason for the dysfunctional sex life... Mr. Lucky
justagirliegirl Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 It does seem that the horny toads and ice prince/princesses end up together. Why is that? It isn't just the women who stop having the sex either.
alphamale Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 And why do married men put up with no sex or hardly any at all ?.... cause they get bored banging the same person day in day out. men are genetically wired for variety and to spill their seed in many gardens. marriage may be good for society but its the kiss of death for a man's soul.
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 If a man feels trapped, he shouldn't be married. Same goes with the woman. Marriage is about both of you putting in your share of wants, needs and desires to/with each other. If the two of you can't keep thing fresh and interesting in your daily lives together, the same will hold true in the bedroom. You have to want to build together.
Curmudgeon Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 If a man feels trapped, he shouldn't be married. Same goes with the woman. Marriage is about both of you putting in your share of wants, needs and desires to/with each other. If the two of you can't keep thing fresh and interesting in your daily lives together, the same will hold true in the bedroom. You have to want to build together. A good relationship is hard work. If you romance one another daily with little attentions, surprises, considerations, it keeps the love alive, to include the physical aspects of it. You can't have one without the other.
Horse Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I've talked to some men about their sex consumption after marraige and alot say it dwindles down to next to nothing ? Do you find this is true ? Yes Does your wife give you it ( at least 3 to 4 times a week ) ? Right now that seems unimaginable. And why ? or why not ? I have a million theories but none of them help. And why do married men put up with no sex or hardly any at all ? Because I love her and our son... And I haven't yet given up hope that we can fix this. Me I love sex. I can't imagine being with someone and not giving them one of the important things in life.... Me either.
Lizzie60 Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I've talked to some men about their sex consumption after marraige and alot say it dwindles down to next to nothing ? Do you find this is true ? Does your wife give you it ( at least 3 to 4 times a week ) ? Or less ? And why ? or why not ? And why do married men put up with no sex or hardly any at all ? Me I love sex. I can't imagine being with someone and not giving them one of the important things in life.... I've talked to some men about their sex consumption after marraige and alot say it dwindles down to next to nothing ? I agree, with most men I met, they told me the same thing except a few.. Do you find this is true ? Yes I think it's true... been there... after the passion is gone, the children, the routine kills it. and sex is not a priority anymore. Does your wife give you it ( at least 3 to 4 times a week ) ? From what I hear ...no Or less ? Yes, most have some once or twice a month. And why ? or why not ? routine, boring sex, no more passion, children, menstruation, headache, fatigue... And why do married men put up with no sex or hardly any at all ? They don't and that's why most of them, if not all, cheat.
Trialbyfire Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 And why do married men put up with no sex or hardly any at all ? They don't and that's why most of them, if not all, cheat. In your world, this maybe true because anyone who frequents you, is a cheater. In the real world outside the escort business, this is not true.
Curmudgeon Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 In your world, this maybe true because anyone who frequents you, is a cheater. In the real world outside the escort business, this is not true. Lizzie's suppositions are a product of her "profession." Statistically, cheating is not something all men do by a long-shot. Most regrettably however, enough do to keep her in business.
Scrivdog Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 I think that sexual disinterest in a marriage rarely exists in a vacuum and its causes can't be as one-sided as posters like Scrivdog would suggest. In fact, in true "chicken or egg" fashion, his inability to see her side is probably the main reason for the dysfunctional sex life... Mr. Lucky Yeah sure Mr. Lucky. But a 54% divorce rate and probably a 80% dissatisfaction rate with marriages says otherwise. Fact is, ask almost any guy married for a few years and he'll tell you he hardly gets any at home. It's comforting to think that these guys have brought it on themselves by somehow neglecting or mistreating their wives. It fits in perfectly with some naive sense of fairness and the cleanly laid out natural order we learned from Hollywood and Hans Christian Andersen fairy tales. But the reality is that marriage can, and often does lead to a situation where the wife hardly wants to touch her husband's dick anymore while he wants sex three times a week or more. It doesn't make the wife a bad person, it doesn't make her evil, manipulative, nor does it make her a vampire. It just makes her a basically sexless marriage partner. I also don't think you can blame the husband for cheating in these situations. This LS board convinced me of that more than ever. It's way too much to ask that a guy be subjected to the incomprehensible maze of complicated emotional contortions some of you think a man is required to go through to try and figure out she doesn't want sex anymore. If it can't be explained in a sentence, then it's most likely horsesh*t. I think it's OK for a guy to make a reasonable effort at getting things back on track, but I don't think it's OK for him to go to marriage counseling, see doctors, buy expensive gifts more than he would, take over housework, and become some kind of emotional sponge and then still feel guilty because he wants some female attention that his dear wife can't be bothered to give. Just understand that there are nice guys not getting much sex from their wives (see Moose) and being downright treated like crap (see H2T), and in many cases there's nothing much they can do to change it. To tell them that there is still more they can do is cruel. It gives them false hope, makes them feel guilty that they failed, and denies them the right to face reality. That the rest of their lives with their current spouse is going to be pretty sexless as well.
Scrivdog Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 In your world, this maybe true because anyone who frequents you, is a cheater. In the real world outside the escort business, this is not true. Bull. Cheating is rampant and it's almost always because of no sex at home.
Mr. Lucky Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 But a 54% divorce rate and probably a 80% dissatisfaction rate with marriages says otherwise. I don't question your divorce rate stats but 80% dissatisfaction rate? Seems awfully high to me - 46% of marriages don't end in divorce and of those that do, many divorce for reasons other than sexual incompatibility. Perhaps it's a 80% satisfaction rate Maybe my evidence is purely anecdotal and based on my own experiences. But the lean times sexually in my relationships have had a least some fractional blame that I've had to own. My pride, ego, stubborness and unwillingness to be the bigger person have all been parts of the puzzle. It's counter-intuitive for a lot of guys, but it's giving without expectation of return that gets you the most back. Personally, that was a hard lesson to learn. I guess you can continue to lump your wife in with the "Starbucks shrews". I just don't understand how that helps you get what you what Mr. Lucky
Trialbyfire Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 Lizzie's suppositions are a product of her "profession." Statistically, cheating is not something all men do by a long-shot. Most regrettably however, enough do to keep her in business. Exactly. It's her reality, not necessarily the real world. Bull. Cheating is rampant and it's almost always because of no sex at home. Bull. There was plenty of sex at my home when he cheated.
alphamale Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 I don't question your divorce rate stats but 80% dissatisfaction rate? most of the married people I know aren't very happy....but you need to be very perceptive to pick it up cause they normally won't tell you or advertise it. Its usually their own personal living hell. There are maybe 2 married couple i know who are probably truly happy.
Author Mary3 Posted May 29, 2007 Author Posted May 29, 2007 I have read there is a 75% divorce rate for most marriages that are within the last 2-5 years. I have also heard getting married because of pregnancy has a 90% failure rate...
Author Mary3 Posted May 29, 2007 Author Posted May 29, 2007 To me, not getting daily sex is unacceptable
Mr. Lucky Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 most of the married people I know aren't very happy.... Are most of the single people you know happy? Are we dealing with the human condition here or is happiness related to one's marital state? I don't know how you quantify or measure happiness, but the actuarial tables would indicate that married folks have healthier and longer lives If , as you say, the dissatisfaction rate with marriage is so high, why do most of my single friends wish they could find and actively look for "the one"? Mr. Lucky
JadeStar Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 most of the married people I know aren't very happy....but you need to be very perceptive to pick it up cause they normally won't tell you or advertise it. Its usually their own personal living hell. There are maybe 2 married couple i know who are probably truly happy. For me its the opposite. I know right many couples who are happy, and I geneuily believe them to be. And maybe one or two who are not. Maybe its who I surround myself with, or associate with, that I know who is happy and who is not. I think its good to surround yourself with people/couples who are happy and positive, and put forth a good influence.
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