SouthernT Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I would NEVER had taken of running with a relationship with this girl...... At no point was I ever sure I wanted her in that way.I do know that I was attracted to her emotionally and physically and I know she felt a connection with me at times. I now know some of my emotional attraction was obviously misguided. I repeat: I NEVER WANTED A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GIRL I was hopeful because it started off pretty well, then she got hot/cold, then I noticed the attention whore thing. Just let down, frustrated and venting...... I knwo what you mean, NO I do not want a relationship with this girl. But I still hurt - weird eh? THEN WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU WANT?????
justagirliegirl Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 her 19, and me 29. I know - you don't have to say it. I honestly did lay low at first because I was concerned abouth the age thing. But she was very persistent in the beginning!!! I gave in, and gave her a chance because she seemed mature for her age at the time. Maybe I should know better, but sometime you should give things 1/2 a chance? I really think this whole situation is a result of her immaturity. She's not going to be able to afford her apartment for long..... There's your answer my friend. She is too young and immature right now. Two very different pages of life. She's just coming into adulthood and ready to experience life. Sounds like you would like something a bit more stable and serious.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 THEN WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU WANT????? An intelligent, attractive woman. I hear they are in high demand, which raises the cost.
SouthernT Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I repeat: I NEVER WANTED A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GIRL I knwo what you mean, NO I do not want a relationship with this girl. But I still hurt - weird eh? You want her but you dont want a relationship with her? Then why shouldnt she be at liberty to hang out with other guys? Why would that hurt you if you dont her in that way? Doesnt make sense. Classic case of "mixed signals" Because if I were her, then I would ask myself "why does it bother him what I do with other men if he didnt want for himself? So it must mean that he wants me. Or on the other hand, sense he doesnt want me, then i'm free to do whatever I like with whomever." Mixed signals...
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 There's your answer my friend. She is too young and immature right now. Two very different pages of life. She's just coming into adulthood and ready to experience life. Sounds like you would like something a bit more stable and serious. I know, I know.... thanks. Many people are immature and she has a right to be but she still takes the cake. Here is my emotion: Maybe I have a one track mind, but it is just unfathomable to me how ANYONE would behave this way, 19 or not. Disbelief....
SouthernT Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 An intelligent, attractive woman. I hear they are in high demand, which raises the cost. You completely side stepped my question and I think you know EXACTLY what the questions relates to. What do you want from HER?
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 You want her but you dont want a relationship with her? Then why shouldnt she be at liberty to hang out with other guys? Why would that hurt you if you dont her in that way? Doesnt make sense. Classic case of "mixed signals" Because if I were her, then I would ask myself "why does it bother him what I do with other men if he didnt want for himself? So it must mean that he wants me. Or on the other hand, sense he doesnt want me, then i'm free to do whatever I like with whomever." Mixed signals... U need more background... This started off with her persuing me, I took the bait eventually. We had good conversation and began to get physical. We enjoyed each other. Then slowly she starts ditching me whenever she has something better to do... and I start to notice every extra curricular activity she has is based around guys. But she still calls me as soon as she gets off work. Last week I told her I didn't want to get mixed up with her right now, the she calls the next day and asks to come over.... Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
justagirliegirl Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I know, I know.... thanks. Many people are immature and she has a right to be but she still takes the cake. Here is my emotion: Maybe I have a one track mind, but it is just unfathomable to me how ANYONE would behave this way, 19 or not. Disbelief.... Well there are no shortage of flakes in the world. You'll find the cool girl you treats you right and the other girl will be having a blast passing out in her own vomit at the next fraternity party.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 You completely side stepped my question and I think you know EXACTLY what the questions relates to. What do you want from HER? RESPECT I know respect is earned, but I was nothing but good to her until I got fed up. A little respect would be nice - instead of her assuming she could keep me on a string while she sneaks and lies. I am INSULTED I want nothing from her now, but I am still INSULTED and her lack of RESPECT
SouthernT Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 An intelligent, attractive woman. I hear they are in high demand, which raises the cost. You completely side stepped the question: What do you want from HER? Funny thing: I'm attractive and intelligent and I am the girl that likes to read and stay at home. I know how to go with the flow in any social setting......and I don't play mind games and date mutliple guys.......And guess what? I'm told that I'm intimidating and I'M STILL SINGLE. So my point is, what do you REALLY want in a woman and have you taken the time to evaluate these things? Look at the things that you SAY you want verses what you END UP going after.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 You completely side stepped the question: What do you want from HER? Funny thing: I'm attractive and intelligent and I am the girl that likes to read and stay at home. I know how to go with the flow in any social setting......and I don't play mind games and date mutliple guys.......And guess what? I'm told that I'm intimidating and I'M STILL SINGLE. So my point is, what do you REALLY want in a woman and have you taken the time to evaluate these things? Look at the things that you SAY you want verses what you END UP going after. I did not side step the question, I answered it. Again: What I want from her is RESPECT. I know what I want in a relationship, just at times when I think I find it, this kind of crap happens. No one can see the future. The number one thing I want from any woman in a relationship is RESPECT. That's hard to come by.
SouthernT Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I did not side step the question, I answered it. The number one thing I want from any woman in a relationship is RESPECT. That's hard to come by. Sorry, I know you answered already, but the time ran out for me to edit the post. Anyhow.....when a girl gives a guy respect from the begining and doesnt play games, guys see it as "needy and clingy" So maybe you've already met your IDEAL woman but you overlooked her because you thought she was behaving in a needy way and didnt give you the challenge that this current girl is giving you.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 Sorry, I know you answered already, but the time ran out for me to edit the post. Anyhow.....when a girl gives a guy respect from the begining and doesnt play games, guys see it as "needy and clingy" So maybe you've already met your IDEAL woman but you overlooked her because you thought she was behaving in a needy way and didnt give you the challenge that this current girl is giving you. You call what this girl is doing a CHALLENGE? I could think of other words for it. I don't want a "needy" and "clingy" gal either.... no one said I ever was. One day it is okay to kiss her and the next it's not??? What more can I say to you to make my point? And I don't see a damn thing wrong with giving your fellow man a little respect. RESPECT = NEEDY + CLINGY? I'll be single forever.
SouthernT Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 And I don't see a damn thing wrong with giving your fellow man a little respect. RESPECT = NEEDY + CLINGY? No there is nothing wrong with demanding respect. Of course RESPECT does not equal NEEDY AND CLINGY. My ONLY point is that when a woman gives a man respect, HE ends up playing HER and it NEVER fails. That is my point. This girl direspected you and you are REACTING to it. If she pursued you and didnt disrespect you, then you turn around and say "I'm not interested in her" which is exactly what you did in the begining when she was chasing after you at first.
green-eyed beauty Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I'm sorry, Peacepipe, but you didn't take this girl for her words when she said "I don't want a relationship." When she told you that, there are no expectations of her 1. not seeing other guys 2. making out/having sex with you...then going out and making out/having sex with other guys. 3. having ANY obligations to you WHATSOEVER. Sorry. Next time a woman says "I don't want a relationship" look up all the words in a dictionary, put the meanings into a sentence, and take the meaning to heart. She did not lead you on in any way because she told you "I don't want a relationship."
justagirliegirl Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 No there is nothing wrong with demanding respect. Of course RESPECT does not equal NEEDY AND CLINGY. My ONLY point is that when a woman gives a man respect, HE ends up playing HER and it NEVER fails. That is my point. This girl direspected you and you are REACTING to it. If she pursued you and didnt disrespect you, then you turn around and say "I'm not interested in her" which is exactly what you did in the begining when she was chasing after you at first. This is interesting. Do you really think this is so and why? Why should she do?
Star Gazer Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 PP - you are insulted?? EVERY SINGLE WOMAN WHO HAS EVER BEEN HONEST WITH HER INTENTIONS SHOULD BE THE ONES INSULTED. She doesn't want a relationship with you. That doesn't make her an attention whore or a liar. She's clearly been very honest with you. She made it VERY clear to you that she didn't want a relationship with you. She specifically TOLD you that she didn't want a relationship with you, and has continued to date other guys. You merely ASSUMED she was lying to you. Why would she do that? Why would she WANT a relationship with you, but then say that she DOESN'T and continue to behave like she DOESN'T? Truth is, and always has been, that she doesn't want a relationship with you. Like Trimmer said, she rejected you. Yes, that sucks...but she in no way shape or form disrespected you. She was honest with you - that is the epitome of respect, particularly given the fact that you never had a relationship with her to begin with (and NOW claim that you never wanted one anyway). She didn't lead you on.
Trimmer Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I repeat: I NEVER WANTED A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GIRL ...now I'm confused. In the post immediately before this you said: "I don't want a relationship" - I hear "I want to be a spoiled brat, do whatever I want with little or no regards to others" I think your own messages are quite mixed here... I know, I know.... thanks. Many people are immature and she has a right to be but she still takes the cake. Here is my emotion: Maybe I have a one track mind, but it is just unfathomable to me how ANYONE would behave this way, 19 or not. You don't have to fathom it, but your mistake is in taking it as a personal insult. You claim that she is "assuming she could keep me on a string while she sneaks and lies." She never wanted a relationship - it seems she was very clear about that - and depending on which post we read, it seems that you NEVER wanted a relationship either. So why do you feel you are 'on a string,' and how is it that living her life (however unfathomable to you) becomes lying and sneaking around? Isn't it at least as 'sneaky' that you are up at 4 am, watching to see when she comes home and who she is with? It sounds like you are insulted that she isn't behaving in a way you would want her to, or in a way that you can understand better, and therefore she is a sneak and a liar and an attention whore, but concretely: did she make some kind of commitment or obligation to you that she went back on? Or is it just that she turned out not to be who you wanted her to be? This girl is an attention whore and a liar, just like most women out there. Ahhh, well, I suspect I won't be able to talk you out of the former, and as for the latter, well, good luck with that one,too. I'm sure that assumption will be a useful foundation in your quest for meaningful relationships with women.
SouthernT Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 PP - you are insulted?? EVERY SINGLE WOMAN WHO HAS EVER BEEN HONEST WITH HER INTENTIONS SHOULD BE THE ONES INSULTED. She doesn't want a relationship with you. That doesn't make her an attention whore or a liar. She's clearly been very honest with you. She made it VERY clear to you that she didn't want a relationship with you. She specifically TOLD you that she didn't want a relationship with you, and has continued to date other guys. You merely ASSUMED she was lying to you. Why would she do that? Why would she WANT a relationship with you, but then say that she DOESN'T and continue to behave like she DOESN'T? Truth is, and always has been, that she doesn't want a relationship with you. Like Trimmer said, she rejected you. Yes, that sucks...but she in no way shape or form disrespected you. She was honest with you - that is the epitome of respect, particularly given the fact that you never had a relationship with her to begin with (and NOW claim that you never wanted one anyway). She didn't lead you on. Couldnt agree more. And PeacePipe, I hope that you've never done this to a girl because now that the shoe is on the other foot, you can see how upsetting it is. If you didnt want a relationship with her then you had no reason to have any expectations, which means, she did nothing wrong. I think you're upset because you feel rejected (and I would be hurt too, so don't think that I'm beating you up about this.) and because she did it to you FIRST before you had the chance to do it to her. That's what really gets under your skin right now.
SouthernT Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 This is interesting. Do you really think this is so and why? Why should she do? I dont know what she should have done because with men, no matter what, its a no win situation. If a girl doesnt play games and is up front, then the guy is turned off because there is TOO much attention TOO soon from the girl and guys want the challenge. She pursued him in he begining and he wasnt interested. Which proves my point. Now she's being "DISRESPECTFUL" (according to him), but NOW he's REACTING to her. WOW......
justagirliegirl Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I dont know what she should have done because with men, no matter what, its a no win situation. If a girl doesnt play games and is up front, then the guy is turned off because there is TOO much attention TOO soon from the girl and guys want the challenge. She pursued him in he begining and he wasnt interested. Which proves my point. Now she's being "DISRESPECTFUL" (according to him), but NOW he's REACTING to her. WOW...... I see what you are saying. It is true for the most part. Human nature to want what we can't have.
MissKissNada_Gal Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Wow, where do I start? First off, I am really pissed off / hurt right now because of this girl who I have an awesome connection with "does not want a relationship". So we had this disagreement about it earlier - she disappeared until 3 AM and returned home with some guy. I swear this girl can't go 5 minutes without a guy around, but yet she proclaims her "independence" over and over. Part of our conversation earlier had revolved around her "priorities". Well apparently, a meaningful co-existence with a guy isn't one of them. I guess parting until 4 AM is. I am so pissed at this disrespect. why buy the cow if the milk is free... ?
Author peace_pipe Posted May 29, 2007 Author Posted May 29, 2007 why buy the cow if the milk is free... ? You just summed it all up, hence no more free milk from you. And for thos of you who think I simply feel rejected, well sure, tha tis a part of it. I really don't feel rejected though as much as a mixed signal. And for someone who "does not want a relationship", she sure has to have a guy around... go ahead and flame me ladies
Author peace_pipe Posted May 30, 2007 Author Posted May 30, 2007 Here we go again, she calls me after a few days of NC, out of the blue. She asked to come over and she did. We never mentioned the talk from earlier and enjoyed each other's company. goodnight The next day she visits again, similar deal. When she left I went to kiss her goodnight and she pulled away.... grrr Keep in mind that we have made out before, and we have been seeing each other for about 3 - 4 weeks. So I asked her what she wanted from me. She said that she wanted to be friends and see where it goes, and that a kiss would lead her to deeper feelings. She even mentioned 2 other guys that tried to kiss her whom she does not hang out with anymore. (strange?) I told her that I felt a kiss wasn't rushing things. She said she associates it with relationships. So I asked how would I ever know if we had something meaningful. She was like "I hope we can still see each other". I told her that I didn't see a point and that it would be difficult going forward for me because of her indecision. That very same night she gets drunk with 3 guys she just met that night, and all of them spend the night at her apartment....
champagne Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 And for someone who "does not want a relationship", she sure has to have a guy around... go ahead and flame me ladies THIS is your WHOLE problem...you don't know the difference between a relationship and dating around. She has been totally honest with you, from the very beginning. You're not compatible because you both want different things. So why keep going on about it? There's nothing wrong with her, she's just different than you are, or at least at a different stage in her life. If you think she's such a ho, than why do you even bother being upset about it anyway?
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