peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Wow, where do I start? First off, I am really pissed off / hurt right now because of this girl who I have an awesome connection with "does not want a relationship". So we had this disagreement about it earlier - she disappeared until 3 AM and returned home with some guy. I swear this girl can't go 5 minutes without a guy around, but yet she proclaims her "independence" over and over. Part of our conversation earlier had revolved around her "priorities". Well apparently, a meaningful co-existence with a guy isn't one of them. I guess parting until 4 AM is. I am so pissed at this disrespect.
DanielMadr Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Wow, where do I start? First off, I am really pissed off / hurt right now because of this girl who I have an awesome connection with "does not want a relationship". So we had this disagreement about it earlier - she disappeared until 3 AM and returned home with some guy. I swear this girl can't go 5 minutes without a guy around, but yet she proclaims her "independence" over and over. Part of our conversation earlier had revolved around her "priorities". Well apparently, a meaningful co-existence with a guy isn't one of them. I guess parting until 4 AM is. I am so pissed at this disrespect. You cant convince girl to be with you. It doesnt work on rational level. Dont even try. Even her father cant make it. Stay away from party girls. And check your sex, it might be you are developing vagina. Guys dont want relationships. Certainly not first......unless they are insecure and need some formal assurance 'We are in exclusive relationship....long one":rolleyes: Let them want to have babies with you....then you can celebrate. Until that time comes you should be quite adamant.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Wow, where do I start? First off, I am really pissed off / hurt right now because of this girl who I have an awesome connection with "does not want a relationship". So we had this disagreement about it earlier - she disappeared until 3 AM and returned home with some guy. I swear this girl can't go 5 minutes without a guy around, but yet she proclaims her "independence" over and over. Part of our conversation earlier had revolved around her "priorities". Well apparently, a meaningful co-existence with a guy isn't one of them. I guess parting until 4 AM is. I am so pissed at this disrespect. I'd drop her like a hot potato if I were you. Where's the "connection" here, dude? She wants something else, says something else, and does something else. You're not even close to being on the same wavelength. If read some of your posts, and I think you could do much better than her. Yeah, we all do get lonely and we're getting older all the time, but we don't want to screw up the time that we do have a spend it on the wrong people.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 And check your sex, it might be you are developing vagina. Guys dont want relationships. Certainly not first......unless they are insecure and need some formal assurance 'We are in exclusive relationship....long one":rolleyes: Thanks for the response, but I don't see why a guy who wants a relationship is a bad thing. I do want a relationship - but right now I don't know any women who I would want to. I definately don't want a relationship with this girl now, but it wasn't like I wanted one from the start either. Her behavior just pisses me off, it shows such disrespect. You know what? It kind of hurts, and I don't care if I am a guy or not - I have emotions too. I am so sick of people acting like guys shouldn't care.
DanielMadr Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Thanks for the response, but I don't see why a guy who wants a relationship is a bad thing. I do want a relationship - but right now I don't know any women who I would want to. I definately don't want a relationship with this girl now, but it wasn't like I wanted one from the start either. Her behavior just pisses me off, it shows such disrespect. You know what? It kind of hurts, and I don't care if I am a guy or not - I have emotions too. I am so sick of people acting like guys shouldn't care. Its not about if you want a relationship but with whom. You cant go dating with the idea "I want to have relationship". Date a girl, get to know her, sleep with her and than decide. Just dont f@ck yhat you wouldnt date. But sure you can make mistake and dump her later. Be picky if you deserve to be picky. Im sick of people acting like guys shouldnt care too. They shouldnt be acting., they should be like that. Dont want relationship until she wants it and deserves it. Party girls dont deserve it and dont want it.
DanielMadr Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 It kind of hurts, and I don't care if I am a guy or not - I have emotions too. 9 times of 10 it is emotion triggered by pride/ego. You can be sensitive, full of emotions, crying all you want and still live. But some time ago all sensitive ones got eaten and I wonder why.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 You cant go dating with the idea "I want to have relationship". WTF is the point of dating then? I mean, one can set some guidelines, but isn't the point of dating to find a suitable partner?
DanielMadr Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 WTF is the point of dating then? I mean, one can set some guidelines, but isn't the point of dating to find a suitable partner? Yes it should be but not generally. You should go out there and think 'Im OK with relationship when it comes and only with the RIGHT ONE'.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 I know what you mean, Daniel. I do try to live by that. I seem to be more upset with the fact that a woman could disrespect me by lying and playing games... it has happened before and I am tired of it. This girl calls me all the time, flirts, etc and then pulls this crap. Here I am at 5 am not beaing able to sleep. Everytime....
DanielMadr Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I know what you mean, Daniel. I do try to live by that. I seem to be more upset with the fact that a woman could disrespect me by lying and playing games... it has happened before and I am tired of it. This girl calls me all the time, flirts, etc and then pulls this crap. Here I am at 5 am not beaing able to sleep. Everytime.... Just dont care. If she wants to have horizontal seance fine, if not ditch her, she is attention wh0re. Get used to be disappointed. Dont take it personally. But you have to realize that you have to deserve to be respected. Would you respect guy who thinks all night long why some girl dont want to have realitonship with him? Probably not. You would think, he is a good guy but you wouldnt risk to lead you to a war or relationship (being girl)
Trimmer Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 WTF is the point of dating then? I mean, one can set some guidelines, but isn't the point of dating to find a suitable partner? Let me propose that people approach dating with (at least) two purposes in mind: to have fun and to find a suitable partner. To recast this in a "personal philosophy" perspective, you could characterize these as living in the moment (having fun) and focusing on the future goal (finding a partner.) Now, each person will approach dating with a different, individual balance of these elements. Some may be primarily near one end or the other of this spectrum, and others may be more in the middle, looking for a substantial combination of both. Dating probably works best, at least initially, when partners are somewhere close to each other in their approach to this balance. When two people are far apart in their approaches, that probably leads to situations like yours, where one is leaning more towards focusing on the future goal, and the other is very much "in the moment." It's not that either one of these is inherently wrong, but your different approaches can lead to difficulty in finding common ground. Her behavior just pisses me off, it shows such disrespect. I seem to be more upset with the fact that a woman could disrespect me by lying and playing games... it has happened before and I am tired of it. This girl calls me all the time, flirts, etc and then pulls this crap. Here I am at 5 am not beaing able to sleep. Just to be sure I am clear here: how has she been lying and playing games? And how, specifically has she been showing disrespect for you? By your own descriptions, she has been nothing but upfront with you about the fact that she's not looking for a relationship. It seems to me that, by this, she is pretty clearly communicating that she is approaching dating as a "living in the moment" pursuit. And by your descriptions, it sounds like her behaviors are consistent with that - her words and her actions are matching. Characterizations of "party girl" or "attention whore" aside, it sounds like she has been honest in letting you know what her approach is, no? Unless I'm misreading your post, it sounds like you find it disrespectful that her approach to dating is different from yours. (I am really pissed off / hurt right now because of this girl who I have an awesome connection with "does not want a relationship"), but on the other hand, hasn't she been trying to tell you that all along? I normally avoid cross-quoting between threads, but I think this comment from your other thread (about the same issues with this same girl) is relevant here: I guess I am judging her because she does not want a relationship. The way I see it, everyone wants a relationship, and when I hear her say this what I hear is "I don't want a relationship with you". I think part of your difficulty may be that although she is doing her best to communicate her philosophy, you are essentially not believing her. You assume that she is miscommunicating, ascribe different motives to her ("everyone wants a relationship"), then assume that she is disrespecting you because her behavior is inconsistent with the motives you have assigned her. A little complex, isn't it? If you simplify things and assume from the start that she is communicating clearly - that she really does just want to date to have fun in the moment - then although you may not agree with her philosophy, don't her behaviors make sense? So it all goes back to my earlier point - she's dating to have fun in the moment, and you can't relate to that. That's fine - she is probably no better at relating to your need to "look for a realtionship." You should probably take that as a sign that you two are not compatible dates at this point in your lives, not necessarily that she's lying and being disrespectful of you personally. Rejection sucks, but it doesn't automatically equate to disrespect.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 I think part of your difficulty may be that although she is doing her best to communicate her philosophy, you are essentially not believing her. You assume that she is miscommunicating, ascribe different motives to her ("everyone wants a relationship"), then assume that she is disrespecting you because her behavior is inconsistent with the motives you have assigned her. A little complex, isn't it? Yeah, you are right - I mean how dare me be confused when I have been hanging out with this girl for a month being physical at times. How dare me be confused when she drop signals that she likes me then brings some dude home at 4 AM. This girl is an attention whore and a liar, just like most women out there. I will not make excuses for her.
DanielMadr Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Yeah, you are right - I mean how dare me be confused when I have been hanging out with this girl for a month being physical at times. How dare me be confused when she drop signals that she likes me then brings some dude home at 4 AM. This girl is an attention whore and a liar, just like most women out there. I will not make excuses for her. Take it easy Jack. With this attitude you will end up attracting only Attention wh0res and liars at best.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 Take it easy Jack. With this attitude you will end up attracting only Attention wh0res and liars at best. Wouldn't be anything I an not used to.
DanielMadr Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Wouldn't be anything I an not used to. At least you know now how far can be your backbone bent, b4 you say 'F@ck it. No way'. It is called experience. Think positive dude. You know who to avoid, what behaviour not to tolerate.... And I guarantee you, when you let it make you more mature not a bitter one, you will do pretty good.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 At least you know now how far can be your backbone bent, b4 you say 'F@ck it. No way'. It is called experience. Think positive dude. You know who to avoid, what behaviour not to tolerate.... And I guarantee you, when you let it make you more mature not a bitter one, you will do pretty good. Agreed. I have been in a similar situation before and this is why I broke it off with this gal. What depresses me the most is that there are so many girls out there like this. I know she does not deserve me, but it is going to take me a few days to put her completely behind me. Get this though - there were not one, but three guys that spent the night at her apartment last night!!! She hasn't live her for more than a month, so che couldn't possibly know them that well. Whoa... But what you said about bitterness is right, there is such a fine line between being bityter and learnign from your mistakes. I often have trouble with that.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 You know who to avoid, what behaviour not to tolerate.... I know what you mean, but I honestly feel like I could not tolerate the behavior of most of the women I have dated. And I have dated a lot.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 You are good though, Daniel. Even if you do have a Ken-doll head! It would be really cool to talk to you right now...... venting
justagirliegirl Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 What Trimmer said. She doesn't want a relationship. You can't force it. Avoid the party girls. Find a sweet quiet nerdy girl who likes to read and bake you cookies.
SouthernT Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Funny how Men love "B*tches" and Women love "Bad Boys" But in all seriousness....do you like this girl or do you like the challenge she's giving you? If she jumped on the idea of a relationship with YOU, then you would take off running. So do you REALLY want a relationship with this girl?
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 What Trimmer said. She doesn't want a relationship. You can't force it. Avoid the party girls. Find a sweet quiet nerdy girl who likes to read and bake you cookies. Agreed, but I can still talk about it and vent here on LS!! Cookies would be nice, but I have to have that to make me happy!!! Just a cool girl who is secure in herself would be nice. But I tell you what, I really feel this way when she says: "I don't want a relationship" - I hear "I want to be a spoiled brat, do whatever I want with little or no regards to others" I don't think that is too far off base. I seem to take it upon myself to let girls like this know that their behavior sucks.... I don;t know why though.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 If she jumped on the idea of a relationship with YOU, then you would take off running. So do you REALLY want a relationship with this girl? I would NEVER had taken of running with a relationship with this girl...... At no point was I ever sure I wanted her in that way. I do know that I was attracted to her emotionally and physically and I know she felt a connection with me at times. I now know some of my emotional attraction was obviously misguided. I repeat: I NEVER WANTED A RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS GIRL I was hopeful because it started off pretty well, then she got hot/cold, then I noticed the attention whore thing. Just let down, frustrated and venting...... I knwo what you mean, NO I do not want a relationship with this girl. But I still hurt - weird eh?
justagirliegirl Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Of course go ahead and vent. That is what this place is for. How old is this girl anyway out of curiosity? And you?
Author peace_pipe Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 Of course go ahead and vent. That is what this place is for. How old is this girl anyway out of curiosity? And you? her 19, and me 29. I know - you don't have to say it. I honestly did lay low at first because I was concerned abouth the age thing. But she was very persistent in the beginning!!! I gave in, and gave her a chance because she seemed mature for her age at the time. Maybe I should know better, but sometime you should give things 1/2 a chance? I really think this whole situation is a direct result of her immaturity. It's a catch 22, because I was immature at her age, but I wasn't that bad! She's not going to be able to afford her apartment for long.....
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