sb129 Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I am with GEB on this one. Proceed with caution. Although some people consider weddings to be too "serious" a date to take someone they haven't known for that long, so i can understand why he may not have done that. Still, he could have said so. But its great that he did call SG, and its even GREATER that you have a date on thursday with someone else. let him do the chasing. Bet you are glad you didn't make that call we were discussing last week huh!!!
SouthernT Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 :)I'm soooo a happy for you. Looks like your guy and my guy have the exact same patterns. My guy called out of the blue again last week and this has been going on for 7 months now. At least you've found someone else that your willing to go on dates with. I told myself that I was going to date other guys in the meanwhile too but I havent met anybody else yet. I haven't had sex with my guy yet so I can't figure out why he continues to pop up. But last week i clearly stated to him that we arent going any further until we are dating eachother exclusivley. I'm definitley going to continue to watch your situation unfold, maybe it will help me out too.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 I am wondering if he is saying "hey, if we're dating, this is how it is. It's not going to get serious and you might not hear from me for weeks on end." ... He might be setting that tone. I have a tendency to agree with you. Over the course of my crazy over-analysis over the past two weeks, I remember comments he has made here and there to suggest that dating a FF is different and more difficult than dating Joe Schmoe, and I need to be up to the task if I want it to go anywhere because this is simply how it's going to be. When we first met, before he even asked me out, he specifically said that during the summer his job would make him out of contact for days, sometimes weeks on end, and that made it really difficult for him to date. Even on the night we did have sex, we were at an amazing restaurant, and I teasingly asked him (it's a small town, it's like the only good restaurant there), "Is this where all the gentlemen bring their dates? It's lovely, I'm impressed!" and he responded, "Maybe, but not me...I really don't have the time to meet anyone, let alone date them." All of his FF buddies are single as well. They live in a smallllllll town and fight forest fires all summer. That's gotta suck to a degree. Anyway, during that first month, it wasn't the fire season and he hadn't been promoted yet, so we had matching schedules and he had plenty of time for me. However, from the very beginning he warned me that his schedule was going to change as a result of the promotion and the fire season...and it did change, coincidentally just two days after we slept together. Before that, I had made a comment about how his new schedule would make seeing each other more difficult, but still doable...he REALLY didn't like me saying that. In fact, he kinda snapped at me, "If my schedule is going to be a problem for you, that's really not a great way to start things off right now..." He was right though. Even if he were head-over heels, his job has basically made him unavailable to me, and this IS how it's going to be, pretty much. One of my good friend's sister is married to a FF and they have a new baby. She's finding it incredibly difficult to go without contact from her own husband for days at a time (unless she goes to the station/firehouse). I'm not so sure I'd want that type of relationship long-term - I really like a lot of together-time.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 Its funny. When he wouldnt "disappear" you would either whine here that he is too clingy wuss and you are not sure if you want to continue with it:D Huh? I have no idea what you're talking about, you must have me confused with someone else. I was quite smitten with him when he was 'present.'
alphamale Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I was quite smitten with him when he was 'present.' but you must admit, SG, that youre even MORE smitten with him now that he's resurfaced
Author Star Gazer Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 but you must admit, SG, that youre even MORE smitten with him now that he's resurfaced You know what? I can honestly say no. I don't feel giddy, I don't feel excited. Sure, I'm still interested, but he's going to have to work damn hard to get my feelings back to where they were.
justagirliegirl Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I couldn't exactly tell when the last time you heard from him was. Was it the 15th? So nearly 2 weeks without hearing a peep from him? My take. He ignores you for 2 weeks. He texts and you reply 30 minutes later. He DOES think you are sitting by the phone waiting for him to call with nothing better to do. I suspect he is due for some sex so he wants to make a date and get some sex from you.
alphamale Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 You know what? I can honestly say no. I don't believe you mainly due to the fact that you called him 30 minutes after he contacted you (after a number of weeks i believe): Anyway, perhaps I jumped the gun here. I waited a half an hour, but I already responded, saying, "No worries, I have a ton going on right now as well."
green-eyed beauty Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 What is your point here, Alphamale? SG is being cautious, he has shown her she needs to be careful. Plus she TEXTED him 30 minutes after he called, not called back from what I understood.
Author Star Gazer Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 JGG - our last contact was earlier in the week (Wednesday, I think...the 23rd?) when I texted him about the fire that was on the news. Late that night, he responded. I had established a pattern with him where I'd text, he'd respond. I took longer and longer between initiating those texts. I hadn't sent him one since Wednesday, and then he called and texted on his own. He probably felt me slipping away. Alpha - he called me and then texted. I texted him back. I have a Palm that I keep within an arm's reach at all times, and he knows I had to work all weekend to prepare for a huge hearing tomorrow. Besides, no matter who it is, I always respond as soon as I get the message. He knows this. So to him, 30 minutes is actually a wait...and to wait any longer would make it obvious that I was playing some sort of lame game.
sb129 Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I don't think you have done anything wrong. You are able to see the situation with a clearer head right now which is good. Keep it up, I think you are doing fine. Don't cancel thursdays date!
alphamale Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Alpha - he called me and then texted. i dont' care whether you texted him or sent him smoke signals, contact is contact. you either have contact or you have NC, there is no middle ground. I told you to wait a couple days to get back with him.
sb129 Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 !!!!!!! She hasn't got back with him! Sheesh alpha..... now who's reading too much into things?
Author Star Gazer Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 i dont' care whether you texted him or sent him smoke signals, contact is contact. you either have contact or you have NC, there is no middle ground. I told you to wait a couple days to get back with him. Your argument is internally inconsistent. Waiting a couple days to contact him him would STILL be contact, would it not? THAT would be middle ground. I'm doing just fine, Alpha. You can't read my mind right now, only I know how I feel. Thanks, SB...and I definitely won't cancel!!
sb129 Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Good. I think keeping ones options open would be prudent. And fun...!
justagirliegirl Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 That's for the explanation. It seems like you are doing most of the pursuit here. Do you think you'll be able to resist having sex with him? I don't think anyone here means anything bad towards you.
SouthernT Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 i dont' care whether you texted him or sent him smoke signals, contact is contact. you either have contact or you have NC, there is no middle ground. I told you to wait a couple days to get back with him. So Alpha, what message would this send and would it make him respect her more? And at what point would it be ok to start contact again? I'm just trying to understand a man's logic in these circumstances.
alphamale Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 So Alpha, what message would this send and would it make him respect her more? And at what point would it be ok to start contact again? I'm just trying to understand a man's logic in these circumstances. look ST....if I slept with come chick then didn't contact her for a few wks and then i finally called her and she contacted me back within 20 minutes I'd be thinking like man i can totally take advantage of her whenever i want. whatever pattern is set at the beginning of a relationship usually continues over the life of the relationship. me telling SG to wait a few days was an attempt to help her salvage her self-respect. now he's gonna think that he can have sex with her and disappear for a few wks then call her and she'll be available and willing.
SouthernT Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 look ST....if I slept with come chick then didn't contact her for a few wks and then i finally called her and she contacted me back within 20 minutes I'd be thinking like man i can totally take advantage of her whenever i want. whatever pattern is set at the beginning of a relationship usually continues over the life of the relationship. me telling SG to wait a few days was an attempt to help her salvage her self-respect. now he's gonna think that he can have sex with her and disappear for a few wks then call her and she'll be available and willing. OK....I understand the logic here. So would she still have had the upper hand had she never slept with him at all? What would stop him from doint the exact same thing even if she would have waited...lets say...6 months?
DanielMadr Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 look ST....if I slept with come chick then didn't contact her for a few wks and then i finally called her and she contacted me back within 20 minutes I'd be thinking like man i can totally take advantage of her whenever i want. whatever pattern is set at the beginning of a relationship usually continues over the life of the relationship. me telling SG to wait a few days was an attempt to help her salvage her self-respect. now he's gonna think that he can have sex with her and disappear for a few wks then call her and she'll be available and willing. I think you are wrong here. It is not when to call but what you say (how you sound). He slept with her. Then he was a little aloof in the morning. She started to freak out and put up some defenses - being aloof too. He was hinting on attending her birthday party etc. and she declined. Then he detached for serious, obvious reasons and finally called. Now she could wait and let him grill for 5 days but why? Its better to react, set up a date and then deal with it. The 'who has upper hand' frame will make it rotten.
nicki Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 I don't know. The whole "Things have gotten busy. It's difficult to plan, but we should get together soon" text he sent sounds a bit off to me. After all, he "planned" to go to the wedding. In my experience a guy says something like that because he will be calling you up last minute for a booty call. He doesn't want you to expect planned dates, etc., like most interested guys do in a relationship. So, I would surmise he's not after a relationship, but rather a "get together whenever we can, or when I'm horny" kind of thing. Maybe not. Just throwing it out there. You'll have to wait and see. I'd be careful if you want a relationship. If you do, then make sure he treats you like a girlfriend and that includes making plans in advance, as well as some spontaneous last minute dates. And I probably wouldn't sleep with him next time you get together anyway. If he pushes, tell him things have been so "busy" lately and you need to get home to (insert fake reason here.) Basically, use the same lame excuse he gives you not to plan anything. But be sure to give him one hell of a passionate kiss before you leave, and a wistful "I sure would love to spend more time with you." Just so he knows you are interested! Now, he IS a FF, so he will have a difficult schedule. But he knows his days off, and can make some plans with you. Doesn't he have a three day on, three or four days off kind of schedule? (My friend's husband was a FF, too.) Have fun on your date! It would be great if he could catch wind of your date somehow. That might light a fire under him, so to speak.
Sheba Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 I have trouble with the wedding thing. Why would he not take you? Did he take another girl? It doesn't make sense to me that he would prefer to go alone - it is always more fun to have a date at a wedding. I suspect that he has made a deliberate choice to keep you "at arm's length". I wonder if there is a way for you to inquire without sounding bitchy or pathetic. I am glad that he called, SG, but it is even better that you have another date. Your heartstrings were tugged a little too hard by this guy, and I think there are a number of danger signs. You know what they say about "where there is smoke...."
Recommended Posts