How do I get my BF to stop being so mean with his money?

[Guest]

I have been living with my BF for almost a year.Our money is very much seperate,I pay the rent,he buys the food and whatever else is needed.The thing is,I earn more then half his income and find myself broke each week while he still has money to bank.

If we go out and I don't have much cash I am lucky to get him to buy me a drink while he goes off putting his money in the machines I am left with nothing so I drink the free coffees sometimes.Yes I feel like he is neglecting me somewhat as it is usually him that wants to go out.

Yesterday we went to a fair,he had cash,I had already paid the rent and other bills,he had not at this stage even bought the food.I had no money,he had money on him so we walk around looking at things,he is picking up stuff he likes and wants to buy,I look at small things and he takes no notice.In fact the whole time we have been together he has really bought me nothing.I then say to him,I need to go get some cash out(what little cash I had),we started to look at something else,he then says "come on lets go get that cash out so you will have some money".

Now,am I expecting too much or should this guy be taking more responsibility here?.The shopping still has not been done,it's not like he will give me the money to go buy it so I have to wait and he works till late each day so now we wont get a chance to go shopping.Should I be more demanding and ask him to contribute half here or what?.The electricity is due this week and he knows yet there has been no mention of it at all.How do I get this guy to pitch in morwe and quit being so tight? By the way,I shouted him lunch yesterday....he gladly accepted.

[corazoncito]

It doesn't sound like a very fair arrangement to me. I'd worry that this wouldn't change over time, and in fact might get worse, even if you got married.

 

Decide specifically what it is you want from him (such as if you want to each person to pay a percentage of the rent, utilities, food, etc. based on their income, have a set amount of money budgeted each month for joint entertainment expenses, reconsidering what are reasonable joint expenses, etc.). Then, in a calm, non-confrontational way, lay it out to him. Don't make him feel like he has been neglecting you. Just calmly and reasonably propose your plan for handling money as a couple in your household based on your experience and observations over the last year. Maybe he'll want to discuss it a little, suggest a slightly different plan, but hopefully in the same reasonable tone and with the end goal to make you BOTH happy.

 

If you've explained to him the financial disadvantage you are experiencing and he doesn't care and doesn't want to change anything because it's working ok for him, I'd consider moving on and finding a roomate who has a similar budget to yours.

[justagirliegirl]

I guess I don't understand. Who makes more?

 

I think you need to sit down and renegotiate everything as this isn't working. I like the plan of contributing a percentage of income to each expense.

[Lizzie60]

I have been living with my BF for almost a year.Our money is very much seperate,I pay the rent,he buys the food and whatever else is needed.The thing is,I earn more then half his income and find myself broke each week while he still has money to bank.

If we go out and I don't have much cash I am lucky to get him to buy me a drink while he goes off putting his money in the machines I am left with nothing so I drink the free coffees sometimes.Yes I feel like he is neglecting me somewhat as it is usually him that wants to go out.

Yesterday we went to a fair,he had cash,I had already paid the rent and other bills,he had not at this stage even bought the food.I had no money,he had money on him so we walk around looking at things,he is picking up stuff he likes and wants to buy,I look at small things and he takes no notice.In fact the whole time we have been together he has really bought me nothing.I then say to him,I need to go get some cash out(what little cash I had),we started to look at something else,he then says "come on lets go get that cash out so you will have some money".

Now,am I expecting too much or should this guy be taking more responsibility here?.The shopping still has not been done,it's not like he will give me the money to go buy it so I have to wait and he works till late each day so now we wont get a chance to go shopping.Should I be more demanding and ask him to contribute half here or what?.The electricity is due this week and he knows yet there has been no mention of it at all.How do I get this guy to pitch in morwe and quit being so tight? By the way,I shouted him lunch yesterday....he gladly accepted.

 

greedy people... I am extremely generous with my money and with a bf like yours I would go insane... I know it wouldn't work out with me.

 

If I were you I would have a serious talk with him... let him know what you just posted here... he is 'mean' and selfish...

 

Sit down with him... and re-negociate the 'monthly spendings' and do it according to the salary of each partner.

 

If this doesn't work out...tell him you can't go out with him anymore since you have NO money.

[norajane]

And, because during this discussion with him, he is likely to deny, deny, deny that he has been taking advantage of you, and will claim that he has paid more than his fair share ( ), it would be a good idea for you to go through your bills for the past six months and calculate how much you have paid in rent, bills, expenses, etc., and how much he has paid.

 

He's going to need the cold, hard numbers staring him in the face (with receipts/bills/canceled checks, etc.), before he admits he's been free-loading off you.

[Enema]

He could be oblivious to the money troubles, not tight.

 

By the sounds of it, you never talk to him about it, never ask him for money for X, you just assume he'll read your mind.

 

Your fault imo if you've never brought it up.

[Trialbyfire]

Since the two of you aren't comingling finances and have only lived together for a year, why do you feel you have any right to his earnings? If there's something you can't afford to attend, tell him that you can't go.

 

This is a good time for the two of you to decide if you want to have an equal or a more traditional relationship. Each one comes with a price tag.

[nittygritty]

I was wondering if you both rented the apartment together or if one of you lived in the apartment prior to moving together? Who's name is on the lease?

 

Having different spending habits is a very common problem in live in relationships and marriages.

How each of you manages money does have an effect on the OP and the relationship. It is funny how you difficult it is to discuss money with your partner that you share so much with.

 

I agree with the other posters, you and your boyfriend need to sit down and discuss the finances so that you both can get on the same page. Make a budget together that is fair to both of you so that this molehill doesn't grow into a mountain.

[mtb-crazy]

This makes me sick as a man. As a server there is nothing more dis-respectful and degrading than seeing a man order a beer while the women has water, or a man buying a $20 steak while his sig. other eats a $7 sandwhich. Who cares who makes more money, especially if you're paying rent. U need to talk with him about the $$ you spend on him vs/ the $$ he spends on you. These shavonist (sp?) men need to be done away with, its 2007, women and men are almost equal in every way now. I still believe in treating a girl to dinner or drinks no matter what they order but thats just how i was raised. My dad make over 3 times what my mom makes but its not HIS money, its THIER money. Ive seen him spend $3K on earings for her, $100+ dinners and several other things. Your man is CHEAP, its as easy as that. If he's not pulling his weight he doesnt relize how good he has it. THe correct response to "I need to get cash for this from the ATM" is "Dont worry about it, i got u"

[Diamonds&Rust]

Some women don't like the man to pay for things.

[Krytellan]

Yeah good luck with that. How's that workin out for ya?

 

With the energy you used to type the thread you could have packed your bags and left. Is he selfish in bed too?