Takerslove Posted May 27, 2007 Posted May 27, 2007 Last night my boyfriend of only a month pops the question and asked me to marry him. Now I thought I wouldn’t get this question ever asked to me by him since he has made it clear when we are hanging out with his friends that marriage is to outdated for him. But then he told me not to tell anyone that we were engaged. He said people are to judgmental and would just give him crap. Is he full of crap or just doesn’t want to show that he is now taken?
norajane Posted May 27, 2007 Posted May 27, 2007 If you've only been dating a month, then I suspect he's not particularly serious about this engagement and yes, I suspect he doesn't want anyone to know he's 'taken'.
crazy_grl Posted May 27, 2007 Posted May 27, 2007 I'm not sure what's going on it his head, but that's pretty bizarre. Why would a guy who swears off marriage propose to someone after only a month? Did you ask him why he changed his mind about marriage so soon? Also, why did you accept? Have you two known each other longer than that? Ask him when he wants to start telling people, because you can't keep it secret forever.
jcster Posted May 27, 2007 Posted May 27, 2007 After only a month? And then it's a "secret engagement?" This sounds like he's trying to play you. You have to ask yourself why in the world he would do such a thing? And...why in the world did you say yes? A month is a very short period of time to know someone.
Sheba Posted May 27, 2007 Posted May 27, 2007 I think your boyfriend wants you to feel totally committed to him, without the risk of others knowing he is supposed to be equally committed to you. He is hedging his bets. You need a new boyfriend.
Walk Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Secret engagements... When I had a guy propose to me, and I accepted but didn't want to tell anyone... it was because I wasn't happy to be engaged. Wasn't comfortable with the idea, didn't want to tell anyone I was so I wouldn't have to tell them later that I no longer was engaged. Personally, in my experience.. if a person isn't willing to tell friends/family about relationships or engagements it's because they don't believe it'll last. It's a "for now" type of thing. Nothing permenant, or serious. Just for fun, and only for the moment. He isn't serious about marriage. And you know that a month is not long enough to know whether the person you're with is who you want to spend the next 80 years with. You don't even know him yet. Tell him the engagement is off until both of you can be proud to tell all your friends and family about it. That you just want to have fun dating him, and getting to know him.
DanielMadr Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I had exactly the same reaction, wanting to keep it secret, when my girl came to me with a big belly and said its ours. I told her OK but dont tell the guys, they would laugh at us. She eventually took out the cushion from under her dress. Oh and it was in kindergarden you know. No kidding. Sweet old times.
nittygritty Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 I don't know how old you are but in reading all the other responses I am wondering if you and your new fiance have had sex? Is him asking you to marry him after only one month a ploy of his to get you to have sex with him sooner? I mean after all "your engaged" now. Him not wanting anyone to know would make me mad and I wouldn't trust him if I were you.
Author Takerslove Posted May 29, 2007 Author Posted May 29, 2007 Since the last time that I post him and I have talked about it and he doesn’t want to tell his family because they will all tell him that it is too soon. Also I am 22 and he is 32 major age difference, but we have a lot in common. And the sex question yes we have already had sex so I know that can’t be the thing. Plus he doesn’t really want sex at all he rather go to the movie or something. He also is very commitment and we see each other every day. So, what does everyone think now? Could he be serious and true to me?
crazy_grl Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 You didn't answer my question about how long you've known him. If you've only known him for a month, that's waaay too short a time to get engaged. Even if you've been friends for a few years, you should really get to know each other in the context of a relationship for longer than one month. Maybe if you were a 40 yr old divorcee I'd say differently, because they've been there, done that and tend to know what they want and don't want more so than someone our age who's not been married. Why do you want to get married after only dating for a month? How can you be sure this is someone you want to spend the rest of your life with so soon?
Art_Critic Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 he doesn’t want to tell his family because they will all tell him that it is too soon. Red Flag.. He doesn't want anybody to tell him what he already knows.. that it is too soon... Why not make this a one year engagement ? You don't even know this man....
Author Takerslove Posted May 29, 2007 Author Posted May 29, 2007 I knew him for a month now. There is no rush for either me nor him to run down the isle.
Art_Critic Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 Be excited about it.. tell your friends and family.. If you are going to be engaged then be engaged.. By the way.. an engagement and marriage is a commitment to be made in public in front of your friends ,family and your version of GOD... Think about it... I think he is looking to start his family.. he is 32 and proposes to you after only knowing you a month..something is up with that...
norajane Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 Since the last time that I post him and I have talked about it and he doesn’t want to tell his family because they will all tell him that it is too soon. Also I am 22 and he is 32 major age difference, but we have a lot in common. And the sex question yes we have already had sex so I know that can’t be the thing. Plus he doesn’t really want sex at all he rather go to the movie or something. He also is very commitment and we see each other every day. So, what does everyone think now? Could he be serious and true to me? Are you serious about him? You've only been dating a month. How well do you know him? IF you don't know him well enough to know whether he could be serious and true to you, then you don't know him well enough to commit to marrying him. At 22, you may still have more to learn about yourself. Are you sure you're ready to commit to someone before you've even fully developed who you are?
Starry-eyed Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 Be excited about it.. tell your friends and family.. If you are going to be engaged then be engaged.. By the way.. an engagement and marriage is a commitment to be made in public in front of your friends ,family and your version of GOD... Agreed. An engagement is not something to be kept hidden or secret, and a marriage proposal after one month of dating/knowing a person is waaay too soon for a heathy relationship. Sorry, takerslove, that's probably not what you want to hear. And if he's 32 and not brave enough to stand up to his family, he might not be as "adult" as he may seem. Just keep your eyes open.
zilverenvlinder Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 Walk and I share a similar story. I got engaged about six months ago. After I got my ring, I told my friends about it but was very hesitant to tell my family. It wasn't that I didn't love him, because I did and still do, it's because I didn't want to tell them that I WASN'T engaged anymore. I did not want to put up with the ridicule and shame. And guess what? Two months after we were engaged, we started fighting CONSTANTLY and I gave him my ring back! We decided we loved each other enough to work on it and now we're doing fantastically. He gave me my ring back, we're planning on getting married next year. Who knows? The same might happen to you guys. He might feel the same way I did... and I got engaged only a month and a half after I met him, too!
sweetie7 Posted May 30, 2007 Posted May 30, 2007 Walk and I share a similar story. I got engaged about six months ago. After I got my ring, I told my friends about it but was very hesitant to tell my family. It wasn't that I didn't love him, because I did and still do, it's because I didn't want to tell them that I WASN'T engaged anymore. I did not want to put up with the ridicule and shame. And guess what? Two months after we were engaged, we started fighting CONSTANTLY and I gave him my ring back! We decided we loved each other enough to work on it and now we're doing fantastically. He gave me my ring back, we're planning on getting married next year. Who knows? The same might happen to you guys. He might feel the same way I did... and I got engaged only a month and a half after I met him, too! That's a nice story but doesn't it kind of defeat the purpose of an engagement? If I was worried that my engagement would be broken off, I would say no when he asked me to marry him. Can't you say "I love you but I don't think we're ready to get married yet...let's give it more time?" What's the point of being engaged if you don't tell anyone? If you're going to be with someone, you're going to be with them. And a ring clearly doesn't change that. Anyway, good luck to you--I hope this engagement works!! Have you told people yet?
Author Takerslove Posted May 31, 2007 Author Posted May 31, 2007 I told my whole family and friends. He has told only part of his friends and his mom. He says it is not time to tell the rest of his family or his friends.
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