Author bigblueeyes Posted May 28, 2007 Author Posted May 28, 2007 GEL, Yes, I am thinking about it. But until I'm ready to, I don't want to cry wolf. God knows I've done that already with MM hence the cycle of drama and manipulation. And I agree with you about taking a break from MM - especially if we cannot find another way of dealing with the situation, cause this sure as hell is a bad way of going about things
NearlyThere Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Okay, your input is really needed now. As you can read from this thread, I tried to end with MM, only to get sucked back in. How did he do it? By sending me a text this weekend that he was being thrown out by his wife late at night. I didn't see until the next morning, immediately texted him to ask if he was okay. He said yes, apologised for the drama, which I have told him was getting too much for me, and that he was still at his house. I told him it was drama to send a text about leaving his home when he didn't and that we could talk about it later. We spent two hours on the phone, talking about his situation, how he feels about me and us, his wife and his marriage, I gave him my two cents and that was that. So today, he sends me a message saying that he and his wife are talking all day about what to do next. I don't hear anything from him until now, when all I get is a message about trivialities from his day and that he will call me tomorrow!!????!!! Now, I know I told him no drama, but I do expect him to let me know how he is doing, especially when I know things are rough for him. Instead I get blah blah, and it made me think, maybe he knows he has me back where he wants me to be, waiting by the phone, thinking of him all day. IS HE MANIPULATING ME OR AM I JUST BEING PARANOID?? The trouble I find, is no way of verifying any kind of info that is being fed to myself. Anything I know, I know from him only, no mutual friends, no distant connection with someone we both know, no family connection, no neighbourly connection, zilch, de nada, nothing, zero. So I never know, is it true or a load of crap and I hate that more than anything, so I should imagine that is how your feeling a bit, JMO. There is no way of knowing whether it is him manipulating you or you are being paranoid. All I can say is go on your past experience with him, if he has manipulated you before then this could be the case, however, if to your knowledge he hasn't then just put it down to paranoia. Thats what I have done, I have yet to find 1 lie he has told me, so I trust him as much as I can, however, I also protect myself as well, with the possibility it might all be lies.
annabelle75 Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 New Single Guy = good MM thats is still with his wife = bad Give the single guy a chance. Doesn't a normal relationship sound great? This is it. He understands what you are coming out of and wants to be with you. This is the time to break things off and give a real relationship a chance.
NearlyThere Posted May 29, 2007 Posted May 29, 2007 BBE, I'd like to PM you, you should be able to enable them now. NT
Author bigblueeyes Posted May 29, 2007 Author Posted May 29, 2007 NT, To some extent I have the opportunity to verify some of what he says as I have the phone number of his best friend. I met him once on my own, and we instantly hit if off like old friends. His best friend is rooting for me and he always wondered what would happen the day MM feel in love for real - as in he wasn't in love when he married his wife. I guess that the problem is that it doesn't matter if I or the best friend can see how happy MM and I would be together if MM fails to see it. And whatever MM's history is, it is his and he is the one who has to deal with it. I cannot do it for him, and no matter how much I sacrifice to support and help him, at the end it is up to him. I just wish there was someway to make the situation more tolerable for both of us and a way to cope until he makes a decision.
PoshPrincess Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 You know to all of your statements above, I can say, snap, exactly the same word for word. Your right it is not straight forward there are so many feelings and emotions all tangled that are very hard to separate. I can still remember that feeling of having this incredible connection with him, and it cant have been only because of my situation in a crap R, because I talk people continually in my line of work, day after day, and suddenly bam there he was. I dont believe in soul mates, but I do believe there are certain people you meet in life who click with instantly and form a close bond with. I think this can happen with women except they become close friends. He made me feel like Scarlett O'Hara, I joke with him, when he kissed me for the first time, he literally swept me into his arms. I dont know if I will ever come accross another person like him to make me feel that way, its taken me 40 plus years to find one. lol. Hence i'm finding it so difficult to extricate myself. NT DITTO, DITTO, DITTO, DITTO. Me too. BBB, as for your SG, I too found myself one last year and we are still seeing each other after several months but I am not sure that I would recommend someone else in my position to do the same. Not if you know you are still in love with MM anyway, as I am. My new BF is great, a lovely, caring, genuine, SINGLE bloke who loves me to bits, but he is not MM. I do not feel the same about him as I did (and still do) about MM and know that I never will. Yes, getting together with him got me through a horrendous time and my mental health is SO much better than it was this time last year, but I know I am just biding time. ExMM and I are no longer in touch but I still miss him and think about him every single day. I don't feel that I have been fair to emotionally involve another person in my life. HE doesn't deserve to be second best. I am now constantly stressing about whether to finish things with BF even though we get on great. I am spent too many years 'settling' for someone and don't want to get myself into that rut again. I want to be with someone who I love more than anything. MM was the only one ever to make me feel like that and before I met him it was something I thought would never happen. He changed my life but maybe not for the better as I am going to constantly compare every man with him. I guess we can't help that! Lots of luck with whatever you decide to do.
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