Spidey12 Posted May 27, 2007 Posted May 27, 2007 A short background: Met this girl September of 2006. she was with someone for 7 years. she cheated on him with me because she fell in love with me. The next 8 months were ups and downs..she still loved him. 2 months ago we got into a huge fight and she cut contact me. Two weeks later she started it up with me with a 2 hour phone convo (I didn't ask about the other guy), but then I saw her ex bf..and he saw me (he is from the other side of the country so its kind of a big deal). So I decided that I cant even try to be friends with her. She sent me a text message "whats up i saw you the other day" to which I said "I saw ___ today and he didn't look happy to see me. Please don't contact me anymore." She sent me a text immediately after that saying "I didn't know he was going to be here" I didn't respond. Two weeks later, she sends a short email, reiterating that she didnt know he was going to be in town and that he has no harsh feelings towards me. I didn't respond. Another three weeks go by and she sent me another text, about a big trip i have coming up which she knew about before we stopped talking: "I'm assuming you blocked my emails, just wanted to say have a safe trip. I think about you frequently...take care" That text was a week ago. At first this didn't bother me. I'm seeing someone new and i like her very much, but starting about three days ago I've been having this really guilty feeling like even though she choose him over me, she still cares about me and shes trying to get some sort of contact out of me. I don't know what to do. The mind says don't respond because she might take my response and not respond to it and leave like that. The heart says that I love this girl alot and she is reaching out to me in her own weird ways and I'm no better than she is if I ignore them. But what do I say? I'm so afraid of contacting her...I'm very torn about this. I've been having dreams about asking her to look at the stars with me a few nights before my big trip. By that I mean sending her an out of the blue text message that says "I'll be at our former usual place looking at the stars at so and so time, if you can join me it would be great" but alot of people told me not to do that. This is the type of girl who would be afraid to make the first move during no contact like this. And from previous experience..she is more likely to not contact me ever again rather than face her fear and contact me. On a side note, she recently changed her msn picture to a pic of me and her and her other friend. Don't know if thats saying anything. I'm so torn. I took a one hour shower thinking I'd be able to resolve this in there, but it didnt work. Help!
upsetnhurt Posted May 27, 2007 Posted May 27, 2007 What do you mean she is the type to never contact you again??? She is contacting you isnt she, via text? I don't see what you are hoping for here.......she has not said to you that her ex is out the picture and she is willing to devote her attentions and effort to making you feel the appreciation that you should from someone who supposedly cares about you, has she? You are asking for a world of pain here by continuing to think you have a shot with this woman. And BTW, what is happening with this other woman you are dating? You say you like her, yet you obviously don't like her enough to completely move on from the ex. The problem here is that your ex never has completely let go of her past relationship nor her feelings for her ex. That takes a ton of time and unfortunately with you both getting involved so quickly after she and he broke up, you became nothing more than a transitional guy to her.
Author Spidey12 Posted May 27, 2007 Author Posted May 27, 2007 What do you mean she is the type to never contact you again??? She is contacting you isnt she, via text? I don't see what you are hoping for here.......she has not said to you that her ex is out the picture and she is willing to devote her attentions and effort to making you feel the appreciation that you should from someone who supposedly cares about you, has she? You are asking for a world of pain here by continuing to think you have a shot with this woman. And BTW, what is happening with this other woman you are dating? You say you like her, yet you obviously don't like her enough to completely move on from the ex. The problem here is that your ex never has completely let go of her past relationship nor her feelings for her ex. That takes a ton of time and unfortunately with you both getting involved so quickly after she and he broke up, you became nothing more than a transitional guy to her. As far as what i'm hoping for...I really don't know what i want out of this. but i guess if I knew that she and I could become really good friends as we used to be, then I would hope for that. But i have no idea how to achieve that. As far as being the transitional guy, I've brought it up to her several times when we were 'together' and she's told me over and over again that I'm not that.
upsetnhurt Posted May 27, 2007 Posted May 27, 2007 Do you think she even knows that???? It is obvious....she has remnants of love for an ex adn you think you arent a transitional guy????? She will end up hurting you big time as she will use you for comfort, ego boosting, etc. She might even care about you a bit yet in the end she is looking out for number one. Give her 6 months by herself at least and let her get back to knowing what she wants out of a man.........Warning...if you don't, you will lose any chance of being with her long term.
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