Not Entirely Fair

[underpants]

So here I am, alone on a Friday night.

 

Cue....the violins please.

 

I had the choice between 2 evils and settled on neither.

 

One, entering a contest which I was excited about (and have with helped won before...not that I ever think about wining) but found my teamates not so inclined about the possible work involved and that is okay as I am all about the doing and not so much the winning but they seem more about the winning and not so much the doing. Anyway, I was really the only one of the group to step up with ideas and was shot down...even in a kind of mean way so I just ....let it go. I felt like kind of a creative tool to a click, and that is not so good. I love them, and it's silly but not really worth the time and effort, and drive for a ribbon and gift certificates that I can't use regardless to help others benefit. No animosity, just no one else really stepping up, as I thought might should happen ....a little. I don't know, I left the group with ideas, sketches, tools, only to be met with negative critisms and blaming....over a silly contest. I even asked ..."Well what ideas do you have...as I believe all group projects to be an open discussion, but no....I guess if you put youself out there...which I am not afraid to do. I wish them the best, however, I am (silently) not going to drive hours away to construct a scoffed at idea (which, by the way my idea won last year, and I was the only one with ideas with a week of askng for everyone to brainstorm, and no one else did) to hand out prizes that I can't use to peeps who didn't get it the first time. I guess, maybe I feel a little underappreciated...oh well, it is such a silly thing. Something I would do any weekend for free and fun.

 

Option no. 2. I was invited to a party and I really wanted to go as I really like the chick that was throwing it and she has been to some parties of mine. However.....there was the unspoken (I wouldn't put someone in an uncomfortable position, rather take myself out of one) possibility of someone being there that ....I just may not have been able to be civil to. She was a girl that my long ago boyfriend cheated on me with and she of course has since dumped him but I guess she is just some drama girl and the whole possibility of seeing her just made me hurl before it even happened. Last I saw here they were together and she saw me in a restaraunt and she stuck her tounge out at me.....we are in our late 30's. I left, but it just bugs. I know it is not my issue and by declining the party invite although I should be so over it. I guess I did not want the possibilty, and lets face it the animosity to still be my issue.

 

It just stinks that you try to do good, walk a good line and the poop falls from the sky no matter what.

 

So I'm at home, peeps are probably mad at me for not doing a 5 person contest on my own, and someone else is delighted because she is so fabulous.

 

I guess I am just having some Friday night blues.

 

Urgh....

Unders

[randuff]

I took my son to see his mother, got stuck in holiday/road construction highways for over and hour. Came home stared at the computer and sat here, alone, being bored and wondering what the ex was doing.... Snap out of it!!!! Sheesh how pathetic am I??

[AriaIncognito]

I know what you guys mean. I seem to be better when I am out doing stuff. He enters my mind but I'm able to push him out easier. Right now, I'm staring down the barrel of 2 days of alone time, and while I had a great day yesterday with friends, I fear I'll just crawl right back into my pity party which I'm oh so good at. The ex and I had contact and fell off wagons and all that and now I'm dealing with the consequences. I also have to deal with putting us back on NC again which isn't a fun thing ever but I'm certainly experienced at it from the past. I know he's going out on a date today and that kills me. I secretly hope he contacts during these few days but I know I should not answer if he does. It's tough.

 

Do whatever you can to try to get your mind off of them. I know it's hard. Post here. Try to get out. Me, I had 2 picnic invites today and for whatever reason I decided it would be better to be alone. Grr. I hate when I do this to myself...

[Teacher's Pet]

Do what I do.

 

Work 2 jobs and never get a day off.

 

That'll cure ya.

 

-tp

underpaid, underlaid