castilega Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Hi, I, like most, am in a dilema. I have been married a little over a year, to a wonderful guy, but we started having problems right off the bat-we fought, I was scared of marriage, didnt want to get married, felt pressured (we had only known each other 5 months) and about three months ago, it all came to a head and I told him I wanted out. he is however, an optimist, wanting to fix it however he can, etc. Shortly after I fessed up that I wanted out, I met someone, someone who makes me happy and I love hanging out with-as a great friend. My husband told me I am not allowed to see this man, but I do anyway, because going out hiking with him is the only great thing in my life right now. Meanwhile, I think that hanging out with this friend is actually helping me get through the rough marriage, which I would still like to end but my husband wants to keep trying. if he woke up tomorrow and wanted out, I would be so relieved! Unfortunately, it is not happening, so I have to initiate the break-up, which is hard to do when someone loves you so much. I cannot give him the love and commmittment he wants and needs right now though, so is this a good enough reason for wanting to get out of the relationship? And on top of it all, this friend I have is great and much more of the kind of person I could see myself with (although I dont know if I want to jump into something with him right away.) Anyway, the situation with my husband is killing me, and I want to move on with my life, either way, although right now I cannot imagine moving on with him as a married couple. I will miss him, for sure. Is this normal? Or do people get divorced only when they know they will be able to recover right awaY? confused,
IpAncA Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Careful you don't enter a emotional affair. What about MC?
Lizzie60 Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Hi, I, like most, am in a dilema. I have been married a little over a year, to a wonderful guy, but we started having problems right off the bat-we fought, I was scared of marriage, didnt want to get married, felt pressured (we had only known each other 5 months) and about three months ago, it all came to a head and I told him I wanted out. he is however, an optimist, wanting to fix it however he can, etc. Shortly after I fessed up that I wanted out, I met someone, someone who makes me happy and I love hanging out with-as a great friend. My husband told me I am not allowed to see this man, but I do anyway, because going out hiking with him is the only great thing in my life right now. Meanwhile, I think that hanging out with this friend is actually helping me get through the rough marriage, which I would still like to end but my husband wants to keep trying. if he woke up tomorrow and wanted out, I would be so relieved! Unfortunately, it is not happening, so I have to initiate the break-up, which is hard to do when someone loves you so much. I cannot give him the love and commmittment he wants and needs right now though, so is this a good enough reason for wanting to get out of the relationship? And on top of it all, this friend I have is great and much more of the kind of person I could see myself with (although I dont know if I want to jump into something with him right away.) Anyway, the situation with my husband is killing me, and I want to move on with my life, either way, although right now I cannot imagine moving on with him as a married couple. I will miss him, for sure. Is this normal? Or do people get divorced only when they know they will be able to recover right awaY? confused, You jumped into marriage waaaayy too fast. You really didn't know each other at all.... From what I read... I just hope you don't get pregnant... don't ruin this guy's life. Move on... you need to either go in counselling (which I doubt very much will do anything) or simply divorce... People get divorced when they know they can't work it out. I'm guessing that you will probably recover much faster than your husband but you can't stay in this marriage because you feel sorry for him... he'll survive.
mrmaximum Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 Hi, I, like most, am in a dilema. I have been married a little over a year, to a wonderful guy, but we started having problems right off the bat-we fought, I was scared of marriage, didnt want to get married, felt pressured (we had only known each other 5 months) and about three months ago, it all came to a head and I told him I wanted out. he is however, an optimist, wanting to fix it however he can, etc. Shortly after I fessed up that I wanted out, I met someone, someone who makes me happy and I love hanging out with-as a great friend. My husband told me I am not allowed to see this man, but I do anyway, because going out hiking with him is the only great thing in my life right now. Meanwhile, I think that hanging out with this friend is actually helping me get through the rough marriage, which I would still like to end but my husband wants to keep trying. if he woke up tomorrow and wanted out, I would be so relieved! Unfortunately, it is not happening, so I have to initiate the break-up, which is hard to do when someone loves you so much. I cannot give him the love and commmittment he wants and needs right now though, so is this a good enough reason for wanting to get out of the relationship? And on top of it all, this friend I have is great and much more of the kind of person I could see myself with (although I dont know if I want to jump into something with him right away.) Anyway, the situation with my husband is killing me, and I want to move on with my life, either way, although right now I cannot imagine moving on with him as a married couple. I will miss him, for sure. Is this normal? Or do people get divorced only when they know they will be able to recover right awaY? confused, How old are you? Early 20's. Why where you pressured, him, his family, your family?
whichwayisup Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 Do you love your husband? Don't disrespect him and your marriage vows by sneaking off with another man who gives you attention and makes you feel good. If you want out of your marriage, tell your husband you want a divorce and THEN go pursue that guy. Or, TALK to your husband and go to marriage counselling. Atleast give it your best to see if things are fixable. Cheating is NOT the answer and it will only make your life turn into one big painful drama.
Mr. Lucky Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 Do you love your husband? Don't disrespect him and your marriage vows by sneaking off with another man who gives you attention and makes you feel good. If you want out of your marriage, tell your husband you want a divorce and THEN go pursue that guy. Or, TALK to your husband and go to marriage counselling. Atleast give it your best to see if things are fixable. Cheating is NOT the answer and it will only make your life turn into one big painful drama. Good points. Don't hide behind the notion that you aren't cheating - you are. Every time you sneak off to be with the OM, you're breaking both the letter and spirit of your marriage vows. If you really feel that you're emotionally out of the marriage, at least show enough class to let your H know NOW in no uncertain terms that it's over. Things will be better for both of you... Mr. Lucky
Darth Vader Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 I hope you and OM havn't had sex, that's not fair to your husband to hurt and destroy him like that. He deserves better than that. Divorce your husband before you do anything, at least repect your husband that much.
Reckless Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 But what if she sees a really cute guy on the way to marriage guidance...? Listen, you got married too quickly. From your post probably too young too. But.. you are married; giving it "your best shot" should be more than than the few month (I'm subtracting the months you've been thinking about the other guy), giving it your best shot should be trying to fix what's wrong with your husband and get over the intial shock of a marriage entered into too quickly. If however you are really done, make a clean break - tell your husband you want out and move your stuff. Don't worry your husband will suffer more than you and you can take up with the new guy. Don't marry the new guy.
MrsHellFire Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 In her profile, she shows her age as being 27. So no, she is not in her early 20s and should have known better.
lonelybird Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 First, your husband has a BIG heart. Not fair to him Second, you need to seek deep in your soul, constantly new men or wooing will not fill that void. Otherwise you will mess up your own life, big time. 6 months later many married couples would face difficulties. but you cannot marry and divorce every 6 months:eek:. It is a process to grow as a person. grow from self-centreness to others. It will pay back after you learn to give to others.
april sunshine Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I never understand why people feel they can't divorce if the love is gone...I think that your husband will be far less hurt if you were to leave now, instead of waiting 6mths or 12mths....surely waiting while you continue to see the OM risks far more pain for H? I also wonder if you are staying in the M as a backup plan in the event that things don't work out with OM? Your current arrangement could be viewed as a 'courting' period while H is being left on the backburner....
reef man Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 My husband told me I am not allowed to see this man, but I do anyway, because going out hiking with him is the only great thing in my life right now. Meanwhile, I think that hanging out with this friend is actually helping me get through the rough marriage, which I would still like to end but my husband wants to keep trying. Well then for god's sake, end it. Your husband sounds like a good man and doesn't deserve this. Set him free, then you can do whatever you want. if he woke up tomorrow and wanted out, I would be so relieved! Unfortunately, it is not happening, so I have to initiate the break-up, which is hard to do when someone loves you so much. You can't break up with him, but you can cheat on him? Cheating on him is far worse than setting him free so he can find someone that will be true to him. Anyway, the situation with my husband is killing me, and I want to move on with my life, either way, although right now I cannot imagine moving on with him as a married couple. I will miss him, for sure. Is this normal? Or do people get divorced only when they know they will be able to recover right awaY? confused, It really doesn't matter that you will miss him, or whether you think either of you will recover right away. The fact is, you don't love him and you are cheating on him. He doesn't deserve what you are doing to him and you need to set him free, whether this is what he wants or not. He isn't thinking clearly. Once he does, he will probably start to get angry and throw it in your face all the time, and really, who could blame him? So for your sake, but more for his, get a divorce so he can move on with his life.
reef man Posted June 3, 2007 Posted June 3, 2007 I hope you and OM havn't had sex, that's not fair to your husband to hurt and destroy him like that. He deserves better than that. Divorce your husband before you do anything, at least repect your husband that much. Actually whethere they have had sex or not is irrelevant. Sex only makes it worse, but she is having an emotional affair with this guy which IS cheating whether she believes it or not.
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