FreeSpirit07 Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Hi everyone. Third time's a charm.. This is my first relationship I’ve ever had, and I have sort of a problem. I'm in love with this girl, but I'm not so sure she loves me back. So here's my dilema.. I'm a sophomore in high school. I've been dating this really nice senior girl since the end of February. Things had been going really well...we both enjoy watching movies together, playing video games, etc. We've been having a really good time. No "sex", just passionately making out and making the motions as if we were actually having sex, but with our clothes on. I tell her that I love her, and she replies back that she loves me. Anyway, just recently she's been acting really strange. She doesn't really talk to me all that much anymore. I feel we've been fighting a little more and more. I’ve asked her many times if it’s something I did, and she denies it. Since she’s valedictorian of her class, she has a ton of things to do like write a speech and college stuff. Yet, somehow, she has time to spend with her other friends, including other guys that I think hit on her. I’ve tried many times if she wants to hang out with me, and she says that she’s too busy. Anyway, she just recently sent me a letter that said that “We should part for now. It’s not fair to you that I can’t give you time and attention”. I’m kind of thinking maybe she would want to get back together eventually, but I’m kind of afraid to. Maybe she’ll find someone else..? We used to love each other, and I still do love her. Yet, somehow, I’m kind of thinking and possibly afraid that she doesn’t love me anymore. Am I overreacting? Should I give it time? Or should I give up and move on? Again, it's my first relationship, so I'm clueless as to how I should probably handle it. Thanks for any help and advice. It's greatly appreciated..
peace_pipe Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Do yourself a favor and get this through your head while you are still young and have a choice: Do not ever place your own happiness in the hands of someone else, especially a woman. Also, you need to realize that most relationships that you have with women will be temporary. The faster you get your act together and move on, the more of a chance of meeting women you have. Another thing: Anytime a woman needs space, 9 chances out of 10 there is another man involved. Not all, but many. Forget her, and maybe she will realize she can't go through life not respecting other people's feelings. Don't be one of those saps who constantly kiss her ass and let her do what she wants just because she has a nice rack.
Author FreeSpirit07 Posted May 25, 2007 Author Posted May 25, 2007 Thanks peace. This helps. I've been being too nice and doing things many things for her, and I think I might be wasting my time... thanks for the advice though. I've kind of learned not to direct my whole attention and happiness to one girl. Things just end up going bad.. Anyone else have thoughts about what I should do?
Star Gazer Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 First, if you take peace_pipe's advice, you will ruin almost all of your future relationships. That is one of the most negative, over-generalized pieces of "advice" I have ever read. As for your GF...when you're a senior about to graduate, you'll understand where she's at. I know it's hard, and it sucks, and you're not going to like what I have to say, but you need to let her go. Graduating high school and starting college is literally a rite of passage into an entirely new phase of her life. This has nothing to do with YOU or other guys, she's simply in a completely different phase of her life than you are. She knows this, sees the many changes ahead of her and her new college life, and wants to be able to move on to that new life while thinking of you fondly. She's distancing herself from you so that she can make a clean break. You really should allow her this. Once you're in her shoes, if/when you find yourself dating someone you'll be leaving behind still in high school, you'll totally understand.
polywog Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Great post, Star. I was going to say the same thing (including comments about peace_pipe's post.. sorry p_p, maybe you meant well, but....). You beat me to it, and more eloquently than I could have said it. Just wanted to back it up, for the OP.
Author FreeSpirit07 Posted May 25, 2007 Author Posted May 25, 2007 Wow, thanks Star. Your advice really means a lot. It's very insightful, and I want to thank you for that. Thanks poly for also replying. I do, hovever, think when peace said "Do not ever place your own happiness in the hands of someone else, especially a woman", I kind of have to agree. But I think you're right Star and Poly... I do have to let her go. It is going to be extremely difficult and painful; we've had a great time in my opinion. But I guess I realize that she'll be gone for two years without me, and I'll be stuck in high school. I guess I'll just have to remember the good times and move on. So, thanks for the advice; it really helps.
peace_pipe Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 First, if you take peace_pipe's advice, you will ruin almost all of your future relationships. That is one of the most negative, over-generalized pieces of "advice" I have ever read. I think that we all have given him solid advice; however, I do not agree with the above. I have figured out a few things in my years of relations with women, one should not doubt my sincerity. And it's not negative. It's about realization of the negative accepting it. It's about almost ALWAYS putting yourself first in these circumstances. If you don't someone else (she) will.... Easy to say, tough to do. She is being a bit selfish if you ask me. You have become a friend of convenience to her at this moment. She is totally focused on her goals which include HER friends, HER college of choice, and HER attention needs. Not saying that is all bad, but did she ever stop to ask what you thought about any of it? Remember, you have been nothing but nice and sweet to this girl. Focus on YOUR college, YOUR friends and YOUR needs for now. It's hard work, but if you keep at, eventually you'll find a woman that will rock your world. Most women love caring, successful guys. Your friend may not realize what one is yet, or is simply at a transition point in life. Maybe this one will work out, maybe not. Don't ever harbor hate for anyone and for the next few weeks/months, drop off the face of the earth. That will impress her more than anything you have done thus far. Trust me.
peace_pipe Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 Once you're in her shoes, if/when you find yourself dating someone you'll be leaving behind still in high school, you'll totally understand. She also might try to drag it out while she is in college, but don't let that happen to you either, bud.
Author FreeSpirit07 Posted May 26, 2007 Author Posted May 26, 2007 Thanks peace. Appreciate all the advice you've given. Truely helps. It think you guys have helped tremendously. I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna let her go and get on with my life. I really do love her, but I don't think it's worth getting obsessive and such if she's leaving for two years. Plus, I don't want her to hate me even more if I try to work things out. I'd rather be a good friend than a bad ex-boyfriend. I guess I have the good memories to live off of. And I'm sure there's someone else out there. We'll just have to wait and see. Thanks for all your guys' help.
peace_pipe Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 Just be careful with the "good friends" thing. It's very, very difficult to remain friends with a woman that you love(d). Some do pull it off though, but it isn't for everyone.
polywog Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 Just be careful with the "good friends" thing. It's very, very difficult to remain friends with a woman that you love(d). Some do pull it off though, but it isn't for everyone. Agreed.... give yourself the space from her to heal yourself and move on. Someday it's likely that you will be able to be friends, as you have been high school sweethearts, and have a shared history of those days. But you two are at such different stages of your life right now that you need to be on your own, enjoying what your High School years have to offer you... maybe including girls your age and at your stage in life.
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