dazz187s Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 BRIEF SUMMERY:She asked for her space after a 5 year relationship and i put up a fight till a point she yelled at me and told me to back off. she later that same hour called me back and said she was sorry, i said i was sorry to have called her and stated i will wait for her and told her she can take all the space she needed. one day she called me and asked for my mother(THEY HAVE BEEN BEST FRIENDS FOR ALMOST 16 YEARS, she stated she called home and her cell phone but no answer.) i said i was here in the hospital alone. she asked if i was there for someone who got hurt and i told her i'm seeing a therapist. she said "i though you were not" i said " i know". we were slient and she said she had to go and i didnt even say goodbye or anything, just hung up the fing phone. THE DATES: So yeah, after a week she has asked for giving her space, i have met random women and have a few numbers and felt really glad about what i was doing. when the date came to an about, all i could think about was her, the ex. the first date we went to she Grindhouse and was bored with the date, second one was worse as i was heading towards the cafe i was already feeling wrong about what i was doing. i felt nothing for these women and let me tell you, they were nice, caring women, women you can bring to your mother and be proud to say "she is with me". i felt wrong that thinking about the ex while seeing someone else was wrong, not sure if anyone else feels the same. Don't know, think i need my own space and time to move on, but a part of me says she will come back and the reality side tells me to move on before you get hurt again. Gosh, i love this website due to the fact that there are many other people who have gone though the same thing and we are able to relate in some sort of way. have given out my number to two other women and whether they call or not is really not important to me, but i know i haven't moved on and not sure what step i should really take. might move somewhere else or go to college somewhere else, help!!!!
Trimmer Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 dazz - How old are both of you? And you said it was a "relationship" - I assume then that you were not married? My only thought is that a 5 year relationship is pretty significant, even if you were not married, and I would suggest that before you start dating again, you might want to (1) assure yourself that you have made a decision that it is over, and (2) give yourself some time to really feel that, before getting back "out there" again. The fact that your thoughts were on your "ex" tells you that you are still processing this. There's no formula for 'how long' to give yourself, but I'm thinking that just a week is pretty quick after a 5-year commitment, when you still sound like you aren't really sure about your status with the existing relationship. I think you need to make that decision (am I still waiting? Am I committed to moving on?) and also communicate it clearly to your "current" woman, so you leave no ambiguity there. (She doesn't have to agree; after she has stepped away, you are entitled to make a unilateral decision on your part. However, if you do decide to move on, it would be good to make that clear to her.) Then, give yourself some time to grieve the loss. 5 years is a lot. I think your instinct is right - you need some time to work through this before you can really be available to a new woman. Don't be afraid to be alone for a while...
Author dazz187s Posted May 25, 2007 Author Posted May 25, 2007 Thank you for your comment and time, about the age, she is 24 and i am 20. we were never married because of school and work. we always spoke about a house instead of a ring(was her idea). she always felt that why buy a $5,000 for a ring if it would be better invested on a house to live in. Dating right off the bat was out of anger and hate. i was thinking that seeing someone else would better me and me feelings, but instead it made it worse. She gave me no reason or anything, we had a fight over the phone and that pushed her away from me. fight was not even a big deal, i know it was the heat that got to both of us and i recall speaking to her after that fight on the phone and she was hurt but understood this mood of mine has a lot to do with my past and she felt taking her stress out on me was wrong (she works two jobs and lives alone) Like i said before, i told her ill give her space and last time i saw her she just got her stuff and left(I was coming home from work and she didnt even say hi or anything, no respect, why my place, friends with my mother for almost 14 years). I don't want to call her because she asked for space, it has been almost 2 weeks. I miss my friend
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