fantasyangel Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 I've just been wondering something about my current relationship (which I talked about in the long-distance relationship forum). My boyfriend's first (and only other) girlfriend and him had a very up-and-down kind of relationship. She was moody/demanding/bossy, so their relationship was basically a lot of highs and lows, nothing in between. He told me that with me, it's a lot more consistent and stable...more like a relationship. I'm not quite sure how to interpret this, haha. On one hand, if you have a relationship with high highs, and low lows...then wouldn't the highs during the relationship be that much better? Does that mean that he was happier/more passionate/crazy about her during those highs? Or is "consistent and stable" a good thing?
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 I've just been wondering something about my current relationship (which I talked about in the long-distance relationship forum). My boyfriend's first (and only other) girlfriend and him had a very up-and-down kind of relationship. She was moody/demanding/bossy, so their relationship was basically a lot of highs and lows, nothing in between. He told me that with me, it's a lot more consistent and stable...more like a relationship. I'm not quite sure how to interpret this, haha. On one hand, if you have a relationship with high highs, and low lows...then wouldn't the highs during the relationship be that much better? Does that mean that he was happier/more passionate/crazy about her during those highs? Or is "consistent and stable" a good thing? Consistent and stable is better any day over emotionally-exhausting roller-coasters. The relationship doesn't have to be, and shouldn't be, a mundane rut. But you can't get "more happier" beyond a certain point. Besides, you'll constantly fear the impending downward plunge of the lows. If you and your BF are happier being together than being apart, you're doing good.
SnowyCafe Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 from the comment you made on your other post where he just got mad about a video game and left... it makes me wonder if his X really wasy "that way" or if he just didnt care about her feelings too much..e.x. the way your boyfriend pushed you and said go ahead and cry... it makes me think he doesnt give a **** about your true feelings, hurting you, making you cry, maybe she was sensitive, tried to stick up for herself when she felt wronged....but he interpreted that as Moody/ demanding maybe im wrong 100% because i really dont know these people at all but it came across my mind
McFadden Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Just because it isn't as dramatic doesn't mean there are not highs. It sounds like he meant you are not moody and there aren't dramatic lows which is a good thing. Haven't read your other posts though.
ash519 Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I love when new gf's presume to know what the EX was like by the bf's comments alone. I bet you she wasnt anything like what he said, but that is not the point. But, to answer this post directly...it is good to be stable.
Hestia Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 I wish I had a stable and calm relationship with my boyfriend. "Consistent and stable" are a really good thing. It means you can breath deep and not worry. It means peace of mind, relaxation and no conflicts. It feels safe. Rollercoaster relations are extremely demanding and suck all your energy out. They are a lot more painful. Stable is good.
jcster Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 "Rollercoaster" relationships are incredibly disfunctional. They can also be addicting and the people who have been in them tend to create chaos in their subsequent relationships to feed their need for drama.
Trialbyfire Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 What is a healthy relationship? I've yet to understand this term. I guess it means there's compromise, give and take and caring/love. Beyond that, who knows. Overall, I agree about what a boyfriend says about an ex. Take it with a grain of salt, especially if she dumped him.
jcster Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 What is a healthy relationship? I've yet to understand this term. I guess it means there's compromise, give and take and caring/love. Beyond that, who knows. In my book, a healthy relationship is built upon mutual respect and love. It allows both people to be themselves, without feeling the need to conform to the other person's perception of them. It's dictated by trust and affection rather than need for fulfillment. It grows and changes as the people involved grow and change.
Trialbyfire Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Surprisingly, roller coaster relationships can also be this way but become roller coaster relationships due to volatility of individual personalities. Does this mean that they are healthy relationships too?
jcster Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 Surprisingly, roller coaster relationships can also be this way but become roller coaster relationships due to volatility of individual personalities. Does this mean that they are healthy relationships too?[/quote I think that huge ups and downs in a relationship is evidence of a problem. Emotional volatility is not conducive to a consistent relationship. I am a very emotional person, but I try not to let it influence my relationships (I take a LOT of walks and have counted to about 10 million by now). One has to be willing to compromise and tone it down.
Trialbyfire Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 A part of me agrees with you but another part says, why suppress your emotions? Isn't it better to be honest with your counterparty, therefore, the two of you have the ability to really understand each other and learn to slowly adapt over time? I'm not convinced either way.
Hestia Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 "Rollercoaster" relationships are incredibly disfunctional. They can also be addicting and the people who have been in them tend to create chaos in their subsequent relationships to feed their need for drama. My God, I so wish I didn't know what you mean jcster:(
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