concern4her Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 I am new to this forum, but I have no idea where else to go. I was involved with a married man for about 4 years and ended it a year ago when he started an affair with someone else. I moved on, but I found out that this latest affair he really took advantage of. Well, I work with this guy and come to find out he actually told his wife about this last affair. From what I know, he broke it off to stay with his wife. Here in my dilema, I am struggling with telling his wife about me, I am the last one to judge because I too had an affair with him, but don't you think his wife needs to know? And the really bad thing is I cannot be the one to tell her because I work with him and I could lose my job! Anyone out there that can give me some advice?
Lizzie60 Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 I am new to this forum, but I have no idea where else to go. I was involved with a married man for about 4 years and ended it a year ago when he started an affair with someone else. I moved on, but I found out that this latest affair he really took advantage of. Well, I work with this guy and come to find out he actually told his wife about this last affair. From what I know, he broke it off to stay with his wife. Here in my dilema, I am struggling with telling his wife about me, I am the last one to judge because I too had an affair with him, but don't you think his wife needs to know? And the really bad thing is I cannot be the one to tell her because I work with him and I could lose my job! Anyone out there that can give me some advice? Keep your mouth shut... you moved on...just leave them alone. That would be solely revenge from your part...
pureinheart Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Hey concern, welcome to the forum! Personally I wouldn't snich, possibly because the people that did snich didn't live very long....in my earlier days I hung out with people that kept their mouths shut, it wasn't healthy to run ones mouth....actually that was good training because a secret is a secret in my book. His sin will find him out without any intervention on your part....I bet it's hard working with such a jerk!
whichwayisup Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 I am new to this forum, but I have no idea where else to go. I was involved with a married man for about 4 years and ended it a year ago when he started an affair with someone else. I moved on, but I found out that this latest affair he really took advantage of. Well, I work with this guy and come to find out he actually told his wife about this last affair. From what I know, he broke it off to stay with his wife. Here in my dilema, I am struggling with telling his wife about me, I am the last one to judge because I too had an affair with him, but don't you think his wife needs to know? And the really bad thing is I cannot be the one to tell her because I work with him and I could lose my job! Anyone out there that can give me some advice? I agree 100% with Lizzie. This guy has been OUT of your life for a year, and what he does his is own business. How would you like it if he interferred in your life right now, just out of the blue because he thought you were taking advantage of someone you were dating. Wouldn't that just piss you off to have some ex do that to you? Sorry, you have no right to interfer and to tell his wife. You certainly had no problem having an affair with her husband and at that time had NO intention of telling her! Keep your head down, do your work and stay out of his business.
outofdarkness Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 I am new to this forum, but I have no idea where else to go. I was involved with a married man for about 4 years and ended it a year ago when he started an affair with someone else. I moved on, but I found out that this latest affair he really took advantage of. Well, I work with this guy and come to find out he actually told his wife about this last affair. From what I know, he broke it off to stay with his wife. Here in my dilema, I am struggling with telling his wife about me, I am the last one to judge because I too had an affair with him, but don't you think his wife needs to know? And the really bad thing is I cannot be the one to tell her because I work with him and I could lose my job! Anyone out there that can give me some advice? Yes, the W does need to know, but I do not think that you should take that on.. You have moved on w/ your life and should not have to put your job, etc, on the line...My guess is that some how, some way, she will find out. IMO, I would continue to concentrate on YOU and moving on...congrats on taking care of YOU!
Trialbyfire Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Here in my dilema, I am struggling with telling his wife about me, I am the last one to judge because I too had an affair with him, but don't you think his wife needs to know? And the really bad thing is I cannot be the one to tell her because I work with him and I could lose my job! Anyone out there that can give me some advice? All I can say is that as a betrayed wife, I would have wanted you to tell me, regardless of what your reasons were. Ostrich head in the sand, is not and will never be my way. If you're concerned about your job, why not transfer out of his reach, to another department or find a job at another firm. After you're safely away, if you still feel the need to tell, do so. I'm honestly surprised you're willing to work within his sphere of influence.
PoshPrincess Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Welcome to LS, Concern! Please DO NOT TELL! I do agree that she deserves to know the truth about her H but it's down to HIM to tell her. As the other LoveShackers have told you - you have moved on, this man is no longer part of your life (thank God!) and, not meaning to be rude, but it ISN'T your business. You never know, she may even already suspect, especially as it is not the first time. There are some people who don't want to hear the truth and would do anything to keep hold of their man at any cost so she may not want to hear what you have to say anyway. Sometimes ignorance is bliss (although personally, if it was me, I would always want to know!) If YOU are the one to tell it will cause you endless grief at work (if you get to keep your job, that is!) and you don't deserve that. Not that his W deserves for him to be cheating on her, but that's for her to find out and to hear it from him, or a friend or member of the family, rather than an ex-OW. I really think you should leave well alone! JMO.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 I don't think you should tell, either in the way that you described - but if you absolutely must, at the very least make it anonymous, and NOT from your POV as an OW.
justice Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Definately tell her. She deserves and needs to know the truth. I was a betrayed spouse at one point and I would have respected the honesty had the ow in my case ever spoken to me. As it was, she didn't, she lied and covered for my husband and for herself and it ended up biting her and him in the arse instead of me.
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