BunnyK Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I've been seperated now for 2 years, and my divorce will be final soon, thank goodness. I have avoided romantic relationships with other men all this time, although I have made many new friends, male friends I mean. Recently I realized I felt ready to really date again. I really only have 1 single girl friend these days, and it seems like she has a new boyfriend every month. I do admit she is attractive and she has an outgoing personality. I consider myself these as well but I am a tad more shy when it comes to men, since I was married for 5 years. I invited one of my guy-pals, Larry I'll name him, to go clubbing with my friend Dani and I. I told him to bring another guy if he wanted, but he didn't. He met us at the club all by himself, dressed up and looking quite sexy, I was so very excited and feeling frisky if you know what I mean, have not had sex in a long time now! Everyone knows three is a crowd. I gave Larry a big hug and danced with him and flirted with him, but somehow he and Dani still end up together by the end of the night. I felt like I was competing with her, which I did not enjoy. Larry and I have spent numerous nights on the phone chatting and I felt close to him until this happened. On another evening I invited David to go bowling with us, and he brought a friend that was not very attractive. David works with me and we have lunch together almost everyday and I enjoy his company. I was hoping that he was more interested, but apparently not because he too, just had to have Dani's phone number and she happily gave it to him. She swears not to do this to me on purpose. Her and Larry have been on 2 dates but have only kissed (supposedly) and I don't know about David, but I don't get it why are all the guys going for my friend and not me?
Tangerina Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I totally hear ya... I'm cute and outgoing and men like me but I'm not really a head turner... sure we may not get as many dates but we are to sorts of people who end up with the good relationships. I have a friend who is super attractive and when we go out random guys just come up to talk to her and want to date her. This doesn't really happen to me though I usually hit it off with people once I meet them, no one ever sees me and 'just has to meet me...' Thing is, I've read her blog and it seems that a really big thing for her is feeling insecure about people's intentions towards her because so many people decide they want to get to know her just based on her looks, it kind of keeps her from getting closer to people than just going on dates because she secretly thinks they are sleazy for being so looks oriented. On the other hand, I have a great boyfriend who thinks I'm tops and likes me for my brain and interests and because I don't put a lot of effort into what he considers frivolous things like my looks and trying to be everyone's best friend all of the time, which is how he perceives this girl. To him, she is phony and tries too hard. To him, I'm infinitely more beautiful because I don't try to flirt or attract people, I'm just myself and I'm kind to everyone. (Personally, I think she is somewhere in between her naive 'why do people only like me for my looks' act and my BFs perception of her being totally image conscious, but that isn't the point.) The point is, you're friend is probably a great person in general but also probably has the flirting thing down a lot better. You're just going to have to wait for a guy who prefers someone who is more genuine than flirty and he will appreciate you a whole lot more because you aren't just putting yourself out there to get attention. You mention that your friend has a new boyfriend every month... so sure she is good at attracting people but it doesn't really sound like she is good at forming any sort of real connection... it all depends on what you are looking for, in the end you will end up with a great guy through being yourself even if it takes longer while she is still having one month relationships. On a side note, it is kind of rude of her to take home your dates... I mean, since you weren't actually dating them I guess it is fair game, but isn't there some sort of best friend code against this?? I'm just saying, it is kind of not cool.
StartingOver07 Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 When you are inviting a man you like to an activity, don't invite your friend. It's possible these men think you are trying to set them up with your friend and are responding accordingly. In any event, if what you want is one-on-one with the man, set it up that way!
Author BunnyK Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 Thank you for such good advice, startingover and tangerina. I have considered it slightly rude of my friend to accept the attention these men give her, knowing I am newly single and all. I did tell her to talk me up more from now on and she says that she will. But I have arranged these outings with intentions of them being double dates. Someone told me it is a good way to date if you feel awkward. I certainly feel awkward since I work with one guy, and we often have lunch together, he is a nice man but acts very professional for the most part. I don't know how he would feel about me crossing that line. But I did call Larry and left him a message about dinner with me Saturday night. I decided to pretend as though I have no knowledge of his dating my girl friend. I even told Dani I want to ask out Larry and she said to go ahead; I'm assuming because she has enough other men to worry about. She must not like Larry that much. Or, she's stepping aside for me. He has not called me back yet though,so I hope my sudden romantic interest is not a problem. He did used to be friends with my ex-husband, but they have not spoken in a while due to how my ex treated me in the past (he cheated more than once). When Larry got so mad about it, it told me he must be a good catch. We will see!
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