Am I Just Crazy? or Would He Confuse You Too?

[gonetildecember]

I met a man a few months ago while on vacation, and when I went back home we continued to talk almost daily for three months. Now that I'm back here, we've been seeing each other for the last month or so... but I know I may be thinking to much or worrying too much- but I can't seem to get the jist of what he's thinking or where he wants this to go.

 

I don't want to put all of my eggs in one basket if he's too flaky to have something stable, when we talked he did talk about how he's loooking to settle down and get serious and all that and I thought we were somewhat on the same page, but I'm getting some crazy mixed messages.... we went away last weekend with a bunch of mututal friends and his family and he was extremely affectionate.. to the point where some of his friends commented that they'd never seen him like that with a girl.. but then yesterday at his cousins birthday party all I got was a hi, a bye and a kiss on the cheek?

 

or we'll go out to dinner with friends and he'll be totally fine with being affectionate with me, us hanging out later.. talking, etc... but then he decides to go away with his cousins last minute for the weekend without mentionning it to me, when he asked me the week before if i wanted to go away for the night that weekend.

 

its so hot and cold, half the time ppl are commenting that he looks really into it, the next minute you would think we were just acquaintances.. what gives?? any way to get the interest level back up or for him to realise that im not just going to sit here until he feels like making some effort?

 

i dont want to come out and say.. DO YOU LIKE ME what are u doing? ive had bad experiences in the past.. but i just wanna know if this is normal or if u guys find it odd too?

[Kamille]

Hi GTD! I have no advice to offer because I would be confused too.

 

I guess all you can tell yourself is that there is no rush to figure things out, right? There is no rush to settling into a relationship. Take things as they come, see how they evolve.

 

I find it always helps to reformulate things on the principle of what it is that you need in a relationship. Would he be able to give you enough support and reassurance for you to go further in a relationship with him? In a way you could frame this as you needing more time to figure out if he is the man for you, and not vice versa, since that really seems to be the question.

[gonetildecember]

Hi kamille, you always come to my rescue

 

I know what you mean, there isn't really a rush- but I just feel like I am getting emotionally involved and i'm investing time and effort into something- and then i get these on and off moments from him and i'm just like wtf am i doing here.

 

i do like him, and i do see things going further.. i'm willing to be patient, but its not as if its extremely new u know.. i just find the whole situation off. when i first got here he was ringing down my phone and begging me to spend time with him, and then once i started to and the last two weeks its as if things have done a turn around.

 

i was a little worried before, but then we had a great weekend together... went away with friends and family and things were great.. u would have thought we had been together for years.. and then i dunno.. u know when u just have a feeling that someone isnt all there..

 

his friends and family (cousins and brother) have commented on how shocked they are at how he is with me, and how they've never seen him like that.. but .. i dont see it and i'm not sure if he's holding back and i'm supposed to step up or if it's because he's unsure or seeing other ppl.. i just don't know how to read him..but i don't want to push u know.

[gonetildecember]

Friday evening he called, and i told him I already had plans.. so he said cool we will do something saturday then. Saturday morning i texted him and asked if he wanted to go to a conert with a group of our friends, he said sounded great and asked me to grab him a ticket. I called later to ask if he wanted to take seperate cars, he said no -so i told him i would pick him up. Just before we were about to go out he texted to say he was running late and would meet me there.

 

Once i arrived plans changed and we decided to go somewhere else, so i called to tell him and i heard ppl in the background..when i told him about the plan change he told me ya he thought he was going to do that instead... so as mad at i was that he was already out and had already changed plans without calling me i decided to let it slide and told him we would meet at the other location.

 

when i got there i didnt see him so i went in. my friend came in a little later and told me he was outside, so when i went out and didnt see him i called.. he didnt answer.. so i went on with my night.

 

at 4am he called three times.. i didnt answer. i was going to just ignore him for a few days longer so id have some time to think things thru, but i decided to call him last night.

he said he had dinner with his best friend and then his friend decided he wanted to go somewhere else... and he called, but figured i was pissed so he was going to give me a few days to calm down... WTF.. what about a phone call.. he said he knew he should havee called and he apologized.

 

LIKE WTF.. he asked me out, wanted to go together.. and then his randomness again.. i don't understand. he said he was sorry a million times but like.. he asked from last week if we could hang out this weekend... and i have not seen him at all.

 

i dont know what to do.. is he just not that into me, if so why does he call and make plans... OR is he just a friggin psycho who is absent minded and inconsiderate?

 

What do i do?

[gonetildecember]

anybody?

 

a friend of mine suggested just not contacting him or picking up the first couple of times he calls (NC) ... do you guys think that's the way to go?

[D-Lish]

That's a little *****d.

It sounds like game playing.

 

The ideal way to handle this is to cut him off completely- show him you are not the "maybe" girl or anyone's "back up" plan. It's good you didn't pick up at 4am...because that just screams booty call.

 

If I were you I'd pull away....let him come to you from now on.

If he can't figure out his sh*t... then you shouldn't want any part of him.

 

Maybe it's time to lay it on the line. Tell him you like him, but aren't willing to put up with the push and pull game. That's only fair.

 

What he is doing is playing hot and cold with you. Has he just gotten out of a relationship or something?

 

Honestly- don't make yourself available to him anymore. Really make him work to be with you. If you guys have plans- make him stick to them... give him one more chance, and if he screws up again, tel him it's over.

 

It's about setting up some boundaries. You don't have to be boyfriend and girlfriend to establish how you deserve to be treated by him.

If he makes plans with you- he needs to follow through, or give you head's up notice that he can't make it. That's just plain respect.

 

Don't set the precedence with him that you'll keep hanging out with him if he keeps being flaky. Let him know now what is okay and what is not okay. He'll respect you more for that.

 

Just don't keep giving him chances... at some point you have to put your foot down.

[gonetildecember]

That's a little *****d.

It sounds like game playing.

 

The ideal way to handle this is to cut him off completely- show him you are not the "maybe" girl or anyone's "back up" plan. It's good you didn't pick up at 4am...because that just screams booty call.

 

If I were you I'd pull away....let him come to you from now on.

If he can't figure out his sh*t... then you shouldn't want any part of him.

 

Maybe it's time to lay it on the line. Tell him you like him, but aren't willing to put up with the push and pull game. That's only fair.

 

What he is doing is playing hot and cold with you. Has he just gotten out of a relationship or something?

 

Honestly- don't make yourself available to him anymore. Really make him work to be with you. If you guys have plans- make him stick to them... give him one more chance, and if he screws up again, tel him it's over.

 

It's about setting up some boundaries. You don't have to be boyfriend and girlfriend to establish how you deserve to be treated by him.

If he makes plans with you- he needs to follow through, or give you head's up notice that he can't make it. That's just plain respect.

 

Don't set the precedence with him that you'll keep hanging out with him if he keeps being flaky. Let him know now what is okay and what is not okay. He'll respect you more for that.

 

Just don't keep giving him chances... at some point you have to put your foot down.

I'm so ready to put my foot down now. I've decided that if he wants to come to me he can, and even then I'll leave all the plan making and initiative to him because I find this ridiculous, especially after how persistant he was when I was back in Canada.

 

No he hasn't just gotten out of a relationship, according to what he told me and what ive heard from friends he has not been in one for quite some time... but even if he is out of practice..that doesn't mean he needs to be disrespectful and inconsiderate.

 

i'm just a litttle boggled and frustrated.. what makes it worse is his birthday is on wednesday... we had not set solid plans but I was going to go to a little group thing friends are throwing for him....but I dont know what to get him anymore, how to act or if I should even go.

 

yesterday when we talked he was apologetic and said he would call me, but NO call today.. im so sick of this, and not sure what i should do about him or his birthday anymore

[gonetildecember]

so he texts this morning and says "hey"... i wasnt in the room, so about 10 minutes later i responded and said "hi"...then nothing..and its been like 3 hours! what is he doing? how am i supposed to react, is there anything i can do to make him shape up?