flowerfairy142 Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING TIME TO READ THIS!! IT MEANS SO MUCH Hi, my fiance and I are going through a bit of a rough time now. I am on a business trip, which makes it worst because he wants me to be with him and I just can't leave (its only for 4 days). To add on to his upset feelings about me, he discovered I had a myspace account. Now mind you, he had found out I used myspace 2 years ago and he really did get upset at me for having it (he misinterpreted it HORRIBLY: thought i was using it to meet other guys). The whole thing blew up but in the end, (after 7 days of not speaking to me, me going through hell trying to explain myself, etc) he forgot about it and we were fine, better than ever actually. I did close my account but reopened another one a few months afterwards. I never told him. Now I NEVER told him I didn't have one either, so I wasn't lying. The thing is, I only use myspace to keep in touch with my family and friends. I have never, ever used it to meet other guys. Well, history repeats itself and a friend of his told him he ran across my page (it's private though). But the thing is...I have a picture of him and I as the main profile image that isn't private AND I have written "I love him!". So how could that possibly imply i'm looking for other men or something? I thought if i could make sure I have him plastered all over the site and proclaiming my love for him, he'd be ok with it this time around, even though I'd be using it again with the same intentions as last time. I have tried to explain to him how I do NOT use this website to meet other guys but he's saying that it's still cheating because I didn't tell him about it. I mean, I really didn't feel the need to tell him because this site as it is has become another commodity in keeping in touch with people. I use it because it's so much better than email, etc. He also said he found out from my friend that I didn't want him to know about the page. And yes, i DID tell my friend that, because I didn't want him to form another argument like the last time. But I did not feel guilt whatsoever in having the page because I am NOT doing anything BAD behind his back. It's like what he doesn't know can't hurt him kind of thing. And I am NOT usingthe site to hurt him I know...I probably messed up in the whole keeping my page secret and I'm sure that's why he's upset. But I think he's being a little unfair to me saying that it's like cheating and he's really telling me to come back from my business trip before it's "too late". Now another thing...i know him very well and he DOES like to scare me so I know he doesn't have any intentions of REALLY breaking up with me (even though he's thrown around the suggestion). Yes, I hate the fact that he threatens me like this and it isn't FAIR...which is something I need to mention to him We have a strong relationship....we are each other's best friends, etc. I absoluely adore him and I know he feels the same. How can I go on again in asking for an apology about not telling him about my myspace page? What words should I use? I mean I really do have hope that everything will turn out fine. I only am feeling so desperate and super stressed out, especially being in another city 3 hours away from him. He was never happy with the idea of me going on a trip as it is...but I can't let him control me like that. Even though its true, that my job did take me here, it's only once a year and its my first. But I've ALSO told him I probably won't be much longer in this position as it is. So he says because of that reason, that I should've just forgotten about this trip (because my office wouldn't fire me anyways because then they'd have to pay unemployment, etc). But he got mad that I still chose to go, and then this whole myspace dilehma came up (perfect timing huh) I'm 2 days away from returning home. He keeps telling me I'm wasting time and he might not be there anymore. Honestly, I DO feel he's just saying that to scare me....but I do have moments when I am dead scared that it might happen. I just don't feel its fair. Although I think it won't because we've been together 7 years and have gone through so much together and we both truly love each other. Does anyone really think that my situation is bad enough to break a beautiful, strong bond so easily? I just need some reassurance. Desperately. THANKS AGAIN!!!
InsanityImpaired Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 To be blunt: If he is making such a fuss about this, I don't see the possibility of a healthy relationship developing. Did he cheat on you by not telling all the girls in Grade 3? By the sounds of it, he is still in that class - and it constitutes cheating in his book. And it is apparently okay to threaten to break up with you? Nice. He seems to be a controlling jerk, who can only think of himself and what suits him. Together for 7 years, and making such issues out of "instances of nothing unusual"???? He makes it out like you sold some nuclear secrets to some dubious dictator. The thought of a break-up needs some consideration. What good qualities does he have??
Walk Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 What you are doing with Myspace isn't the issue. Thats the trigger, not the bigger issue. The issue is you lied to him, you covered it up, you hid something potentially harmful from the man who is supposed to be your "best friend". You're telling me that you'd be fine if you found out that your bf was hiding something? If your bf were posting this problem from his perspective, we'd all be on here telling him that you were probably cheating and your actions were incredibly secretive and strange. Someone who has nothing to hide, doesn't go to such lengths to hide their actions. You were wrong. Face it. Stop hiding what you're doing from your bf, invite him to view your page, and all your messages. Give him the log in and passwords so he can check it from home right now. If you honestly can't get back right now, then give him the key to know the truth. He doesn't trust you because your actions are shady and secretive. I believe he has every right to be pissed and want to break up with you. Also, if there is any incriminating evidence on your myspace account that you would NOT want him to see if he logged into it, then kiss your relationship goodbye. You should've been honest from the get-go. Why couldn't you tell him you deleted your old account and set up a private one for only friends and family to contact you? Let him see it, explain how the private feature works and what that means... Let him know why its important to have the page, but assured him by honesty and truth that you weren't going to use it to hurt your relationship.... Instead, you felt a better way to deal with it was to sneak around behind his back? You felt this would help your relationship?? The two of you have issues with open communication. That's the problem. Not myspace, or who you're contacting. You broke his trust by hiding something. If you want to patch things up, then stop hiding shyt, start communicating openly with your partner, and work on (both of you) how to communicating clearly about your feelings. You're both acting like 3rd graders.
Tony T Posted May 28, 2007 Posted May 28, 2007 Your relationship has trust issues, honesty issues, jealousy issues and communications issues. He doesn't trust you and for good reason. He feels you withhold information and for good reason. He is jealous because when somebody does something without telling the other, bad intentions are implied. You are not able to communicate with him until things reach crisis proportion. You may love him but you may not be the lady for him. He needs somebody a bit more solid in some areas he considers important. If you want to be the lady for him, you've got the make some very major changes which will take some counseling and a LOT of time. Sit down with him and discuss this relationship in vivid detail. Let him know you are not perfect and you did some things you knew you shouldn't have. Let him know exactly what you're going to do to work things out. You have my unconditional guarantee that if you aren't able to change a bit, a marriage with this man would be disastrous and end in divorce for sure. On the other hand, you need a guy who's NOT jealous, who is trusting and who is not controlling. You need someone in your life who would celebrate your myspace page along with you and who you would feel very free about telling anything you were up to. You need a guy you don't have to hide things from. You need a guy who doesn't think you're after men everytime you do something. Hell, you may eventually feel imprisoned by this guy. If you think he's jealous now, just think after you marry him. He may forbid you to go out of the house and he may check your computer twice a day to see what you've been up to. You need to really give this a LOT of thought. Think about it. Yeah, you may love this guy with all your heart and soul....but he very well may not be the guy for you. People marry people they love with all their heart EVERY SINGLE DAY and half of them end up getting divorced over issues of the type you describe here. This guy could end up being your worst nightmare. But that's so hard to imagine now...because you llllllooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee him.
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