Someone make some sense out of this!

[malibu1234]

[FONT=Arial]This is a very messed up situation and I will keep it short. I started dating my recent ex about a year and a half ago and he has been damn near obsessed with me our entire relationship. He did anything for me and I loved him to death but I always told him we wouldn't have much of a future unless he got his act together financially (very irresponsible overdrafting his account by hundreds on a monthly basis) and he also needed to start watching his attitude when we'd go out drinking because he would be really nasty to everyone, friends, strangers whoever was in his path...it was embarrassing. Finally, about 2 months ago I had enough of it. We were with all our friends out playing darts one night and he was just filled with so much rage with everyone and it made me physically sick that this is what he was turning into (NEVER violent with me EVER). I decided to tell him that this had been going on far too long and I can't maintain positive in my life when he is acting this way.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]HE cried and begged me not to break it off, and I said it was for the best. About a day or 2 later he was still begging and crying and I agreed to do a date night with him once a week. I figured if he was cleaning up his act, we would see in time and date night would hopefully rekindle the flame we had. Well after a few weeks of him crying about how this can't be over and disasturous date nights, he broke it off with me and said he just couldn't do it anymore. I agreed. Throughout that night after he left my place and the following morning all he did was tell me he made the wrong decision, and how this isn't right, we should be together and lets make it work. I said no, we can't change what was said and lets just let the dust settle. He continued to contact me over the next few days and my contact back was limited while I sorted things out in my head. Almost a week later I was ready to approach the situation and he wanted no part of it even after I lowered myself to begging. I found out shortly after that he met someone the day after we broke up (less than 12 hours after his last message to me begging to make it work). She apparently broke up with her boyfriend 2 days before we have and they are rebounding off each other. [/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]I have had minimal contact with him, but recently met his new flame's ex and found out those 2 have still been sleeping together and her relationship with my ex is just a big joke cause she really wants to get back with her ex and how mine is just telling people they are dating to hurt me. Then she starts telling her ex who in turn told me that he was all upset I hadn't contacted him in 3 weeks. I was strong enough not to contact him, then I felt bad and asked him how he was doing. It turned into a great big fight with nasty words exchanged and now I don't know what to do.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]I always figured this chick would go back to her ex or just because of the circumstances of them dating it would fall apart anyway, I mean how can 2 people rebounding meet each other so quick and be "so happy" especially when the girl is still telling her ex she loves him and is still sleeping with him. But now, I am so worried because it got so nasty between me and my ex that he and I will never be friends in the future. I care about him and I always thought we would be. On the other hand, I just keep sitting around waiting for this new relationship to fail, just to kind of serve him right. What am I doing?????[/FONT]

[WarriorPoet]

Your holding on to a relationship that is over, we all do it. You just need to let it go, let yourself move on to something and/or someone better. Espescially if this guy is just sleeping with girls to hurt you...

[malibu1234]

but i don't want it to work out with this girl, not because i want him back but because its not fair what I went through with him just for me to be the loser in the end. I mean how can you seriously have 2 people date when one broke up with someone 24 hours prior and the other one broke up with their ex 2 days prior. IS this some kind of joke??

[WarriorPoet]

but i don't want it to work out with this girl, not because i want him back but because its not fair what I went through with him just for me to be the loser in the end. I mean how can you seriously have 2 people date when one broke up with someone 24 hours prior and the other one broke up with their ex 2 days prior. IS this some kind of joke??

 

 

Ya, that makes sense. But this is reality, not ideality.

 

My fiance left me...well, about two weeks ago and has been dating some other guy for about...I dunno atl east 10 days. and I know this guy had a girlfriend, dunno what happend to her...

 

Anyway, how do you figure your the loser?

[malibu1234]

Because I have always been the strong one...confident with my decisions to break it off with him. The whole past 6 months it had been going slowly down hill and I waited it out hoping things would change but knowing in my mind that I would be ok- I always have been. I think I would have been able to grieve properly for the ending of our realtionship but then dating someone the very next day and flaunting it....its like being stabbed through the heart. Then the fact that I gave in to contact with him further humiliated me. It makes me look like some big loser that just can't move on when I was the one that wanted the split in the first place. I did the "date nights" as a courtesy and it backfired....now he gets to tell everyone he ended it and got himself a sweetheart. I was fine not contacting him, I hadn't in almost 3 weeks and then his new lady friend set me up...telling her ex who's my friend that my ex was all upset that I hadn't contact him and I don't care about him....I fell for it, contacted him, and then things got nasty! Now I feel like I'm just some big joke and I can't forgive myself for giving in to all this!

[InsanityImpaired]

Just approach it from the angle on how your ex is behaving? Would you recommend to a friend of yours who was in the same situation to continue hoping that things will improve?

 

but i don't want it to work out with this girl, not because i want him back but because its not fair what I went through with him just for me to be the loser in the end.

I don't see how you are the loser. In due time, when the emotional bond has faded, you will see you have dodged a bullet.

 

His behavior was outright appalling - and it does not seem it has improved since he broke it off with you. So let him enjoy the joke - and lose out on someone who deserves better.

[WarriorPoet]

Because I have always been the strong one...confident with my decisions to break it off with him. The whole past 6 months it had been going slowly down hill and I waited it out hoping things would change but knowing in my mind that I would be ok- I always have been. I think I would have been able to grieve properly for the ending of our realtionship but then dating someone the very next day and flaunting it....its like being stabbed through the heart. Then the fact that I gave in to contact with him further humiliated me. It makes me look like some big loser that just can't move on when I was the one that wanted the split in the first place. I did the "date nights" as a courtesy and it backfired....now he gets to tell everyone he ended it and got himself a sweetheart. I was fine not contacting him, I hadn't in almost 3 weeks and then his new lady friend set me up...telling her ex who's my friend that my ex was all upset that I hadn't contact him and I don't care about him....I fell for it, contacted him, and then things got nasty! Now I feel like I'm just some big joke and I can't forgive myself for giving in to all this!

 

None of that makes you a loser, relationships are in no way competitions, nor are the breakups that often follow. There are no winners or losers.

 

You tried because you, obviously you felt you needed to. What he has done is show a lack of respect for what the two of you had, and probably for this new woman he is with, as I am sure he is not totaly over you despite being wit her.

 

Just keep your head up and continue walking. This time if he calls your name don't look back and have the confidence that what/who is yet to come will be much better for and to you.

[Belovely]

Malibu1234- It's funny how your story resembles mine to the tee! He broke up with me because I went away for the weekend with my sister (I invited him to join us but he didn't want to), begged, cried, and harrassed for me to take him back, and after about 2 weeks of begging finally gave me the space I needed. 2 months later, I see him again, we start talking again, he wants to rush into a relationship again, I want to take it slow, so what does he do? Starts dating one of my closest friends (no longer her friend) and if I hadn't found her car outside his apartment and confronted him, he probably would be playing us both. He of course denied any involvment with her, stopped calling me, and when I finally called him he told me i took to long to make my decision and he got tired of being alone, so he found someone new. 3 weeks later, they're engaged, December they got married.

 

I didn't back with him because in my head I knew it wasn't the right thing to do, eventhough my heart was telling me to jump into this arms and never let go. When I found out he was dating one of my friends, I thought it was a joke. When I found out they were engaged and getting married, I didn't want him back, but I sure as hell didn't want him with her either! I've held on to the hope that their relationship will fail and I wait for it so that I can have the last laugh. So that all the suffering he put me through, I'll know was just to get back at me for not getting back with him when he wanted to. But it hasn't happened. Will it happen? I don't know, but I'm finally getting to a place where I don't care either. It's hard because you can't grasp how a person can love you so much, do anything for you, beg & cry to get you back, but then turn around and act like you were nothing to them. I still can't fathom that and I don't want to believe that he never felt anything for me, because his words & actions said otherwise. So, by his relationship failing, it would give me the validation that yes, I was good enough for him, yes he did love me, yes it was ony a rebound, etc. But I might never get that and I can't hold on to that hope because I letting my life pass me by.

 

So I know exactly how you feel because I was there and in a sense am still there, although slightly less. Just remember that no man who truly loved you would give up on that love he felt. A person can't turn their feelings on & off that easily and if they do, then that feeling was never there. Do you want to be with someone who is so irrational and who has such a low character? If you know that he wasn't good for you, just leave it at that. You called him and it got ugly...but you know what, now you can walk away knowing he's not worth it. Someone great is waiting for you and if you keep holding on to hope that his relationship will fail, ur likely to miss out on this person. Missing out on an awesome guy for someone who is such a douchbag is not worht it. I'm sure that once he sees that you've moved on and happy, he'll be knocking at your door!

[malibu1234]

Thanks you guys for letting me ramble all day. Its so easy to want to let go and get back on that horse but its the matter of how everything changed so quickly and got thrown away. I have to keep tellling myself that even though I made mistakes along the way, I never treated him like **** and he treated me like ****. That alone should be enough to get me to never look back and I think I could have if he wasn't rebounding within 12 hours of his I love you's and I'm sorry's...thats just a tough pill to swallow. I thought for sure the newgirl was gonna go back with her ex cause they had been remaining intimate for weeks....he's so blinded by everything and I guess I have been too. I'm just so confused, hurt, mad, and overall just feel repeatedly stomped on and none of anything that has been said or done can ever be taken back. I just have been so lost wondering how it all got to this point anyway, and I need the time to pass so I will stop wondering and just let it go. Of course the second those 2 fail I guess I will feel a little victory in my own way knowing the grass isn't always greener...