StartingOver07 Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Ok, I ended it with Mr Hot/Cold. I suppose I took the coward's way out -- we went to breakfast yesterday and I gave him a kiss and a card explaining myself as I left. I would normally have had a conversation with him but he made the decision not to see me last weekend, I am busy this weekend and he's busy next weekend. So unless I was willing to delay closure until mid-June, this was my one shot. Anyway. So much for closure. I saw him this morning at the gym. I went at a time he's usually at work but he took the day off and so was there. Anyway, he told me the card surprised him, he has feelings for me, but if he's not what I want... etc. He looked awful and was clearly distracted from his workout (very unusual for him). So I am back to being totally confused. Did I do the right thing? I thought I was reading his hot/cold as an overall lack of engagement but he said enough this morning to hint that that's not true. At the same time, he still hasn't done anything like say, We must talk and straghten this out! He conveys that he feels he is being rejected but I feel that I am simply taking steps to prevent him from further rejecting me. Can it really be this confused or he is just saying these things out of some other motivation? I am so confused.
GiveAndTake Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 He conveys that he feels he is being rejected but I feel that I am simply taking steps to prevent him from further rejecting me. That's the manipulation. He knows why you broke up with him. Don't buy into it. If he tries to turn it around again, just say "I was unsure if I did the right thing ending it but now I'm sure. You're not getting it and I don't have time to be your relationship tutor". B-Bye Get the ball out of your court. He now has to come to you and inquire. He cannot pretend not to get it anymore.
GregsBad Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 He's was not making a serious effort to be with you. He wasn't really into you. His reaction - pouting over rejection - that may be a boyish way of manuvering you because it's sure got you thinking and off balance. Or maybe his ego was hurt, he WAS rejected - let him wear his boo boo face - he'll get over it. But did you break up because you want to end this? It already sounds like you didn't really want to break up. It sounds more like you were trying to bring him around. If you were NOT really breaking up - then you're trying to manuver him too. I think your kiss & card was a good break up. Or ... it was a good manipulation trick. Either way seems cool ... but which was it girl? If you really want him, come out and say it to him, becuse now you're being awkward too But If you don't really want him then leave it all alone, you've already ended it.
DanielMadr Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 That's the manipulation. He knows why you broke up with him. Don't buy into it. If he tries to turn it around again, just say "I was unsure if I did the right thing ending it but now I'm sure. You're not getting it and I don't have time to be your relationship tutor". B-Bye Get the ball out of your court. He now has to come to you and inquire. He cannot pretend not to get it anymore. Oh yeah Power Game
Author StartingOver07 Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 Did you break up because you want to end this? It already sounds like you didn't really want to break up. It sounds more like you were trying to bring him around. I want to end the confusion and hot/cold thing. I really like this guy:love: and would love it if he would come around. I don't expect that to happen and my intent was to break it off. What drives me nuts is that he always does what he did today -- gives me just enough that I start doubting whether I am reading things wrong, expecting too much, not seeing what's there, etc., etc. And then I end back in it until I hit the point of feeling as though I am the engine again. We've played this out a few times.
GregsBad Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I want to end the confusion and hot/cold thing. I really like this guy:love: and would love it if he would come around. I don't expect that to happen and my intent was to break it off. What drives me nuts is that he always does what he did today -- gives me just enough that I start doubting whether I am reading things wrong, expecting too much, not seeing what's there, etc., etc. And then I end back in it until I hit the point of feeling as though I am the engine again. We've played this out a few times. OK so you're not confused about you, but about him. You could try doing what you wish he would do. Walk up to him slowly, look into his eyes and tell him how you feel. Then tell him to stop clowning around. Ever hear the song "He's so Shy" - by the pointer sisters?
Author StartingOver07 Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 OK so you're not confused about you, but about him. You could try doing what you wish he would do. Walk up to him slowly, look into his eyes and tell him how you feel. Then tell him to stop clowning around. Ever hear the song "He's so Shy" - by the pointer sisters? Well, this is for sure an apporach I hadn't thought of. Sounds scarey as hell. I have told him how I feel, though, even if not in exactly that method. And honestly, I am not even sure where we're at right now. I think the next move should come from him but it historically, it doesn't. So maybe I should just let it go. I really wish I didn't like him so much.
GiveAndTake Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Oh yeah Power Game This game already started. She broke up with him and doesn't want to lose him. He sounds like an insensitive guy. Sometimes they need to be woken up. Letting him walk all over her didn't work. It's time to try something else if she wants him.
GregsBad Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Well, this is for sure an apporach I hadn't thought of. Sounds scarey as hell. I have told him how I feel, though, even if not in exactly that method. And honestly, I am not even sure where we're at right now. I think the next move should come from him but it historically, it doesn't. So maybe I should just let it go. I really wish I didn't like him so much. I was shy ... a little awkward too. Then the most remarkable woman I've ever known did what I suggested that you do. Anyway ... I took her bold que and took over - and she made me very glad that I did.
GregsBad Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!now Look Who Hijacked The Thread!!! You Lose!!!wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Do Briefs Stink??? I don't get this. Do you do this in public places? Are you smokin' something?
Author StartingOver07 Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 I was shy ... a little awkward too. Then the most remarkable woman I've ever known did what I suggested that you do. Anyway ... I took her bold que and took over - and she made me very glad that I did. Well, I am not sure if this changes anything, but he's not a kid. He's in his 50's and I'm in my 40's. He's had a LT marriage as well as LTRs. So I don't know that shyness is a factor. Maybe it is -- maybe these women just accepted what I don't. Or maybe I am expecting something different from a "mature" relationship. Maybe no one gets passionate after a certain age.
Author StartingOver07 Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 This game already started. She broke up with him and doesn't want to lose him. He sounds like an insensitive guy. Sometimes they need to be woken up. Letting him walk all over her didn't work. It's time to try something else if she wants him. This isn't about power. Honestly, if I wasn't so hung up on this guy, I would just walk, because life is too short to be with people who either dn't want to be with you or can't show it properly. But this one has my heart and I am struggling because walking away sounds right in theory but next to impossible in practice. And before DM suggests it, no, I don't think my interest is a function of his hot/cold thing. I was even more interested before he first started with that.
GregsBad Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 This isn't about power. Honestly, if I wasn't so hung up on this guy, I would just walk, because life is too short to be with people who either dn't want to be with you or can't show it properly. But this one has my heart and I am struggling because walking away sounds right in theory but next to impossible in practice. And before DM suggests it, no, I don't think my interest is a function of his hot/cold thing. I was even more interested before he first started with that. ..............................................
GiveAndTake Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 You have to remember what you want here. 1. You want to be with him 2. You want him to understand why you 'ended' it. 3. You want him to treat you properly The way I see it, telling him how you feel (which you did) didn't work. Breaking it off with him (which you did) didn't work. You gave him all the power so yes, it's time to take it back. By telling him he doesn't get it and you're not going to explain it to him (again), you are forcing him to understand why you ended it. Asking you back and treating you properly will only come after the understanding. So call it a game if you want but telling this guy like it is, isn't helping. He needs to think and conclude the truth by himself.
GregsBad Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Well, I am not sure if this changes anything, but he's not a kid. He's in his 50's and I'm in my 40's. He's had a LT marriage as well as LTRs. So I don't know that shyness is a factor. Maybe it is -- maybe these women just accepted what I don't. Or maybe I am expecting something different from a "mature" relationship. Maybe no one gets passionate after a certain age. I wont say my age but now it sounds almost exactly like my situation.
Author StartingOver07 Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 I wont say my age but now it sounds almost exactly like my situation. Ok, Greg... so what do I do?
GregsBad Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Ok, Greg... so what do I do? Hmmm .... OK first of all you have to have a similar attitude that balsy guys have. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You've selected him. Now in your own way - with direct eye contact and a confident smile - tell him you like him but he's giving you mixed signals. Tell him he's got one more chance to get it right but he must "take over" from there. If that fails, he's a wussy and it's his loss. You've got the passion, now get some attitude The one with the p*ssy makes the rules
annabelle75 Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Hmmm .... OK first of all you have to have a similar attitude that balsy guys have. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You've selected him. Now in your own way - with direct eye contact and a confident smile - tell him you like him but he's giving you mixed signals. Tell him he's got one more chance to get it right but he must "take over" from there. If that fails, he's a wussy and it's his loss. You've got the passion, now get some attitude The one with the p*ssy makes the rules Excellent advice. The direct an honest approach is usually the best way to go. This way he knows what you are feeling and so there is no room for misunderstanding. The ball is then in his court and you'll know if he really wants to be with you by what he choses to do.
Author StartingOver07 Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 Is there some significance to the dotted line? In any case, I am not sure how to move this forward. I've told him we're through. we had a brief chat at the gym that didn't come to any conclusion, and I am not expecting him to call for a get together. So how/when do I do this wonderful looking-into-his-eyes-and-smiling-my-confident-smile thing. Never mind for now that I think I will end up in a heap of tears if I even try it. Ugh - what has happened to me?
GregsBad Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 Is there some significance to the dotted line? In any case, I am not sure how to move this forward. I've told him we're through. we had a brief chat at the gym that didn't come to any conclusion, and I am not expecting him to call for a get together. So how/when do I do this wonderful looking-into-his-eyes-and-smiling-my-confident-smile thing. Never mind for now that I think I will end up in a heap of tears if I even try it. Ugh - what has happened to me? You really have it bad don't you? I hate to think of you being so down if you lose out. Especially if it's because of any advice I give. But once again, I can tell you that I fell hard for a woman that did what I suggested. Don't you expect to see him at the gym soon? Wouldn't you have an opportunity there, some time soon? Anxiety over the possibilty of failure is what we guys have to overcome to just say hello ... it's a scary thing to do I know what I'm suggesting is even more scary. Look, I only recently figured out that it's not such a big deal after all. Most guys don't know yet what I recently learned! That is that when I walk in, some girls are actually hoping I'll say hello! Damn! Why didn't I learn this when I was young. Anyway ... your man could be wishing something will happen. My point is that you're fear of this is bigger than the real thing. If you try and fail - you lose him If you do nothing - you lose him. But it might work! How about going at this as a little experiment with living life? How can I tell a girl to sack up? Have some fun with this! Come on girl ... get some balls! You're the cat and he's the crippled mouse! Go for it. If it fails, you can say "his loss". Learn from it and move on. Do something! And report back
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