Summit Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I will try to keep this short and simple –it’s about a guy. I met him many months back in 2006. At first, from the moment I met him I knew that he’d be different from all the other guys –I knew he and I would establish a profound connection; one that would be meaningful. And it was for a short time, the honeymoon stage -shared several things in common, laughed, and generally enjoyed each other’s company –although I did hold back emotionally –I didn’t open up to him enough. Not like he had hoped. Anyways, fast forward a few months, and he confesses that he has feelings for me and asks me out. I kindly decline his offer –and partly tell him some of the reasons behind such a choice. This is where most of the problems started to surface. He couldn’t go on being a friend to me knowing that I couldn’t be something more to him and opening myself up for understanding and true feelings. So he left. He didn’t talk to me –and I didn’t talk to him either. Some time passed. Both of us settled on Light Contact. So out of the blue, I send him an e-mail asking about his life and well being –an acquaintance/friend type of e-mail. Then he and I started talking again –talked in great detail about the situation, what I wanted, what he wanted. I made it clear to right then and there that I needed time apart from him to get thoughts, feelings in order and that when I was ready I’d contact him again. He agreed. I went my separate way. I did No Contact this time. Then he contacts me thinking I am ready to talk –but I shun him out and continue No Contact. Then some time passes by. I realize that I can’t be upset or rather scared of him all my life –ignoring him. I valued his friendship and still do so I contact him and start to re-connect. He admits to me that he has made mistakes –and I have too, and we make-up as friends...only...nothing more. Now he and I talk about all sorts of things –and it is much better than before. I can’t describe the feeling, it is amazing the connection I have with him. . . I would have never thought after all these No Contact/Falling Outs with him that he and I would develop such a sensational and outstanding connection and understanding of each other. This is where it gets messy. I found out a few weeks ago, that he still has feelings for his ex. . . he’s still in love with her. I can’t do anything about that as I wouldn’t interfere with any of his relations. He wants to try again with her, as he has told me and is leaving it up to fate and the future to see where things will go. Of course I am disappointed because I have developed feelings for him. Only recently in the last 2 or 3 weeks have I discovered that I have feelings and want to be with him. I made sure to myself that I wouldn’t get attached to anyone, but I have. And this is wrong timing for me because I’m not sure if I’m capable of handling a relationship at this time. When I talk to him sometimes he gives out such revealing hints about how much he cares about me –I know he does, because he said so himself. But he makes it sound like I mean a lot to him than any other woman –but then I keep thinking about his ex and how he’ll never let her go… that he still cares about her. My head keeps telling me that he may seem into you now …but he’ll eventually crawl back to her, wanting to be with her. I want to back off …distance myself very far. I don’t want to get hurt. I’m so confused. Do I tell him how I feel? But what would that do? Do I continue being friends with him? But for how long?
DanielMadr Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 My head is spinning only to read this. He must be puking every day, considering he is living it For his and your own sake make up your mind. What do you expect? That he will wait for your neurons to connect all his life? He mentioned his ex b/c its the closest person he has feelings for besides you....and you were pretty hard on him. So he gave up on you. Who would think it will make you jealous. Yeah you are not the Goddes to him anymore. Lame. Honestly I think you are attracted to his attention not him.
Author Summit Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 Honestly I think you are attracted to his attention not him. What do you mean? I didn't really understand your post. I'm not playing games with him or his emotions. I don't know how to treat him -right now I feel like it would be too risky to get involved in his life with what he's got going for himself. He's got a budding career ahead of him and network of friends... and is very smart. Me, on the other hand, am not in the same place as him... unhappy place... but we bond exceptionally well together. I want him to be happy... I really do... and if that means being with her, then I guess I can deal with that; his friendship means so much to me though. His ex was his first love and I think, from what I sensed from him and what he told me, that she was a very special person; she was his everything. The odds are against me right? Any other advice? anyone?
annabelle75 Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 If you really wanted to be with him you would have figured that out long before now. Let him go and be with some one that will make him happy. I think your newly developed feelings have more to do with the possibility of losing his attention than anything else.
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