WebGirl Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 Girls! Do NOT post your email addresses on the forum!!! No worries GreenEyedLady, it's not my actual email address. I'm really not foolish enough to post a real email. Thanks for the concern though.
GreenEyedLady Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 No worries GreenEyedLady, it's not my actual email address. I'm really not foolish enough to post a real email. Thanks for the concern though. WHEW! I was worried!
WebGirl Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 Girls! Do NOT post your email addresses on the forum!!! My apologies, just read the Community Guidelines. I just didn't know how else to get in touch with BB w/o using the board. SORRY!
whichwayisup Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 What GEL is saying is, it's against LS rules to post email addy's on the site. That is what PM's are for, once you reach a certain post amount and time frame. (think it's like 1-2 months and a post count over 60, then you get PM privies.)
frannie Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 It dosen't really matter if he left on his own or if she kicked him out. Althought I love that she did! What stands out for me in this story is that there was evidently EVERY reason for them BOTH to cheat in this marriage, and they both were. People don't cheat because they're 'cheaters'... (with the usual exceptions there)... people cheat because there is something missing in their relationship. Sometimes it's just one of them that feels/needs it, sometimes it's both. She didn't 'kick him out'... she had a lover or EA for 18 months or however it went. Doesn't that make him justified in looking for something elsewhere? It doesn't seem like either of them was particularly committed to the relationship.
frannie Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 Her leaving him does not absolve you of any guilt. That just doesn't make any sense. She left because he changed towards her. I concede that may have had little to do with you' date=' but you still DID have an A with HER H. There should be some guilt if for no other reason than that. [/quote'] Woooo hello... and you know this how? She had an affair because 'he changed towards her'..? Have you been reading both their diaries..? I doubt that. Your comments are purely supposition based on the fact that BB is an OW posting here and you can comment on her situation. You have no clue or reason to assume what predated what in this relationship, or rather all three of these relationships. And even if one of the affairs predated the other it means nothing in terms of commitment to the marriage parnership from EITHER side. Once again, presumption.
frannie Posted May 31, 2007 Posted May 31, 2007 Actually, she started having the A before he even met me. Hers started beginning of November '06 and ours started at the end of Feb '07. I would imagine her changing towards him was why he and I began. Now that he knows he can look back and see changes. Her sudden urge to change her body, like tanning and power walking. Her sudden stop in going places with him, and then the sex thing. He said the last few times they had sex she was a lot different than ever before. Well now reading this, I suppose NID has egg all over their faces..?
Author Babybird Posted June 1, 2007 Author Posted June 1, 2007 Well now reading this, I suppose NID has egg all over their faces..? LOL. I think the hardest part for everyone that posts here is that its always one side of the story. IN most A's its one side of the story. No one ever knows who is telling the truth. We respond to the stereotypical man in an A. They are all the same, are never going to leave, and are only in it for the sex. The OW wants to believe everything he says, and the posters here want to for worn her of his deceit. All this with the occasional you are both lousy, crappy people end of story. I take it with a grain of salt that it is the BS' that are glad that his wife left him because he deserved it. I listened to the reasons why he stayed and his son was one of them. Before he left the planned out how to make the transition easier on his son, who is not taking it well. Gradually talking to him about him moving out and being unhappy etc. She booted him, and has completely blown off her son. She is a good mother so this is really is surprising. The kid has completely latched don to his dad and has barely been able to stop crying long enough to go to school. Yes this is one of the terrible things that happens to children when one of the parent cheats. I know. I feel so bad for his son. I am also aware that if we had been discovered that we would've caused the same hurt and devastation as her. There is a certain irony in her leaving him because of another man. In all honesty I chuckled a little after I told my BF what happened. I was shocked, he was shocked, and we have had numerous conversations on how she DOESN'T know. Now we know why she never noticed. TY Frannie. Sometimes it seems as if everything is in black or white and there is never a gray shade here at the love shack.
hardcase Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 MM and I have been together about a year and a half. I had/have a deadline in my head of July 4th that if he hadn't left that we would be through. He was unaware of this. We had a conversation the other night that him and the W are putting their house up for sale BUT not because they were splitting up. Because when their son goes to college, or joins the service they didn't want such a big house. I couldn't understand why he didn't come clean and say he was unhappy etc. but I let it go. I have my plan and I intended to keep it. She left him. I almost rear-ended the car in front of me when he told me. She told him that she wasn't in love with him anymore but she still loved him, had been staying as long as she could for their sons sake, but couldn't stay married to him any longer. She met another guy, has feelings for him and wants to pursue a R with him. She says that she hasn't crossed the line yet but she wants a divorce before she does. At least she did it the right way. He is in shock. Obviously, he has been cheating on her for the past year but never expected her to drop this bombshell on him. boo hoo He doesn't think that she has any clue about us because she would've brought it up. She had the guts to tell him..but not him to her..sounds like his wife has bigger cohones than he does. His reaction is puzzling. I asked him how he was and his reply was shocked. His whole demeanor is different. Kind of distant, and even though he's speaking about what happened to me there is something different. He is totally void of emotion. No anger, or sadness. Thats because its ok for him to have another woman, but his ego is now bruised that his wife found someone else....and she did the right thing...didn't cheat. Granted, that will probably come after a day or two. I finally asked if he needed some space to get things straight in his head. He said something that I didn't quite understand "Well I do but I don't want to lose you". Hmmm...what's that? What that means is he probably doesn't want his wife to leave and now realizes that he wants his wife.
hardcase Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Woooo hello... and you know this how? She had an affair because 'he changed towards her'..? You need to read better...BB's nemesis didn't have an affair on her MM. She wants to leave the marriage before she does.
hardcase Posted June 1, 2007 Posted June 1, 2007 Well now reading this, I suppose NID has egg all over their faces..? Wrong...in one post BB says that his wife didn't cheat on him and wanted to end the relationship before she did.....and then in another says she had an affair. So which is it? She needs to make up her mind which version of the story she wants to tell.
Author Babybird Posted June 2, 2007 Author Posted June 2, 2007 IN my initial post she claimed not to have done anything with this man yet. He found out from her in the day or two after that this had been going on for a year and a half. I wasn't making up any version of the story. Just revealing things he/I found out after she left him.
herenow Posted June 2, 2007 Posted June 2, 2007 I'm not sure if this has been said yet, but I think that all 4 people in this situation should be very happy. I see no reason why the MM shouldn't be able to tell his wife that he has been doing the same thing she has. She was honest enough to tell him, he should give be a man enough to tell the truth as well. Then there would be no guilt or hard feelings and everyone can live happily ever after with the person they truly love. I don't see any problem here for anyone.
Author Babybird Posted June 3, 2007 Author Posted June 3, 2007 I'm not sure if this has been said yet, but I think that all 4 people in this situation should be very happy. I see no reason why the MM shouldn't be able to tell his wife that he has been doing the same thing she has. She was honest enough to tell him, he should give be a man enough to tell the truth as well. Then there would be no guilt or hard feelings and everyone can live happily ever after with the person they truly love. I don't see any problem here for anyone. Personally, I agree. She is coming out as the 'bad' one because she confessed about this other guy. He was....ripping, for lack of a better word, on her the other day and I finally said "You know what, you are no different and she is no worse of a person because of this. You did the exact same thing. You're just pissed off that she left you before you could leave her and your ego is hurt". He agreed. Since then he hasn't had a bad thing to say about her. He also started explaining more of the truth about how unhappy their M was to his son hoping that his son wouldn't be so mad at just her. I guess he told his son that they had been unhappy for a long time and neither one of them were working on the M so he was partially to blame for her finding a man that would pay more attention to her. I don't think he will ever tell him or her about us. In one of the earlier posts it talked about being absolved of guilt because she left him. I think he does feel absolved of a lot of the guilt because she was doing the same thing. I also don't think he would ever want to make himself look the slightest bit bad to his son. I think all four adults are happy. Its just getting used to being able to go do things while trying NOT to ignore his son.
NoIDidn't Posted June 4, 2007 Posted June 4, 2007 Well now reading this, I suppose NID has egg all over their faces..? WHo is this "their" that you are talking about? I responded to the info that was given at the time, and can't edit after another has posted after me. I personally don't care what his W did or didn't do before she asked for a D. At least SHE had the balls to do so. This man will NEVER have the balls to do anything beyond run around behind someone's back. Now he's all sad to find out that she's left him. And to turn the knife she tells him she's actually been with the guy for 18 months. So, no egg on my face and no shoe prints on my back either.
Author Babybird Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 WHo is this "their" that you are talking about? I responded to the info that was given at the time, and can't edit after another has posted after me. I personally don't care what his W did or didn't do before she asked for a D. At least SHE had the balls to do so. This man will NEVER have the balls to do anything beyond run around behind someone's back. Now he's all sad to find out that she's left him. And to turn the knife she tells him she's actually been with the guy for 18 months. So, no egg on my face and no shoe prints on my back either. I can't say that he never would've left her and I can't say that he would've. His plan was to leave this month, right after his son got out of school. School isn't out yet. Yeah, takes real balls to tell her husband she wants a divorce AFTER the BF's W discovered them and was going to call and tell MM. Yeah, real courage. They were both cowards and were afraid to lose the financial security. And I never said he was sad over them M ending, I said shocked. He is sad for his son and how the break-up is affecting him. Your opinion might be that once a cheater always a cheater but mine isn't and never has been. Being a coward in one aspect of your life doesn't make you a complete p*ssy. Haven't you ever been scared to do something life altering? If you haven't then damn are you lucky.
whichwayisup Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Your opinion might be that once a cheater always a cheater but mine isn't and never has been. Why doesn't he tell his soon to be ex-wife that he's been seeing you? The marriage is over, she confessed to him that she's met and with someone else, so why isn't he giving her the same common courtesy back? Is it because HE wants HER to look like the bad guy, and his hands are clean? Just curious. I agree with herenow's reply.
Author Babybird Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 Why doesn't he tell his soon to be ex-wife that he's been seeing you? The marriage is over, she confessed to him that she's met and with someone else, so why isn't he giving her the same common courtesy back? Is it because HE wants HER to look like the bad guy, and his hands are clean? Just curious. I agree with herenow's reply. I don't know why he doesn't tell her. Maybe he does want her to look like the bad guy. Maybe he doesn't want the divorce to get ugly(right now everything is amicable). Whatever his reason is I'm sure it's totally selfish and ego related. That much is obvious. I can honestly say that in the same situation I wouldn't tell if I was having an A. Seriously, would you if you were in the same boat? That might make me a coward or a bad person or whatever , but I still don't think I would tell. Even if he would've have told her he wanted a divorce he never would've told her it was because of another woman. He has wanted to leave her for a long time, for reasons totally unrelated to our A, and wouldn't be leaving for me but for himself. Once again this can come back to "what they don't know, wont hurt them". Most disagree with that and would want to know. I guess if you could spare the hurt then why not do it?
whichwayisup Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Fact that she told and had the respect to tell him, says ALOT about her. Why would she freak out or make the divorce awful seeing as THEY BOTH ARE SEEING SOMEONE ELSE! Makes no sense. He just wants her to look like the bad guy so he can come out smelling like a rose...And, tell people that it was 'her' choice to divorce, not his.... Seems to me, both of them are doing the exact same thing, just that she decided to tell the truth.
NearlyThere Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 I think the only reason she suddenly chose to tell the truth was because she had been busted by her OMs Wife that night in the Holiday Express, I should imagine that if that hadn't happened she would have carried on keeping quiet.
Author Babybird Posted June 5, 2007 Author Posted June 5, 2007 Fact that she told and had the respect to tell him, says A LOT about her. Why would she freak out or make the divorce awful seeing as THEY BOTH ARE SEEING SOMEONE ELSE! Makes no sense. He just wants her to look like the bad guy so he can come out smelling like a rose...And, tell people that it was 'her' choice to divorce, not his.... Seems to me, both of them are doing the exact same thing, just that she decided to tell the truth. Obviously, I'm going to defend him but I do agree that he doesn't want to look like the bad guy. He would never want his son to think less of him and she would make sure to tell him. (She told the son on her own.) He, the son, hates her because of it. Telling him would either a)screw the kid up even more or b) the son would be mad at the dad and not so much at her. It wouldn't be pretty and I wouldn't put it past her to blackmail him into giving her stuff in order to keep his A a secret from the son. That is the type of person she is.
norajane Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 I don't remember if anyone mentioned it in this thread, but you might want to get an STD test, since MM's wife has also been stepping out on him as well.
herenow Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 Obviously, I'm going to defend him but I do agree that he doesn't want to look like the bad guy. He would never want his son to think less of him and she would make sure to tell him. (She told the son on her own.) He, the son, hates her because of it. Telling him would either a)screw the kid up even more or b) the son would be mad at the dad and not so much at her. It wouldn't be pretty and I wouldn't put it past her to blackmail him into giving her stuff in order to keep his A a secret from the son. That is the type of person she is. Babybird, I would take a serious look at the type of person he is. He is willing to let his wife take full responsibility for what happened in their marriage. He is willing to let his son hate his own mother because the son feels that she is at fault for the break up of the marriage. This man has an opportunity to help his son by telling him that the marriage fell apart because of both partners, but he will not take that opportunity. If he was honest (like his wife for whatever reason), his son would see that both his parents will be happier apart and not one alone is to blame. What a horrible father he must be to let his son believe such a lie. To let the wife be the bad one because he is selfish is detrimental to everyone involved. Beware of this man Babybird, he only cares about himself. That also means that he will treat you the same way to save himself.
whichwayisup Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 He also should help his son by doing some family therapy with him. Especially if you're going to be in the picture and part of their life. The therapy can also help with his anger towards his mom.
herenow Posted June 5, 2007 Posted June 5, 2007 He also should help his son by doing some family therapy with him. Especially if you're going to be in the picture and part of their life. The therapy can also help with his anger towards his mom. He has to be willing to be honest for therapy to work. He owes it to his son to tell the truth. This is what I mean by MM who say they stay for the kids. This MM said he was staying until his son went to college (or something like that), but how can he say he cares about his son when he obviously only cares about himself. If he really cared about his son, he wouldn't let him hate his mother for something that both parents did. I bet this MM didn't even plan on leaving and that is why this is hard for him. I bet that he was just using his son as a excuse. Now he has no choice, so he is punishing his wife and son. This is a man that does what he wants. He would have left long ago if he wanted to. Chances are, he didn't want to. These are just my opinions, sorry I don't mean to be harsh Babybird.
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