maay Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 its been a few months since the last time i have posted anything here. things change, ppl change, i change. i moved in to my ex place for 2 months, as i couldnt find a place to stay and need a place to live urgently, he took me in and it was very nice of him during that 2 months period, i feel like i am very close to him and he is really giving us a chance, but i guess i am naive, at the end of the 2 months, he change and kick me out from his place, he wants to stay alone. i have found a place to live now, just that my landlord gets touchy when he gets drunk sometimes. i thought i am in miserable, but surprisingly i am dealing ok now, started to get use to it and live well. we havent been in touch since i have move out. he didnt called me or contact me at all, i started the NC right after i have moved out, can sense that he is really sick of me hanging around him. during these few months of NC, i have met diff ppl and i realise that i am actually not as sad as before this time... although i am sad that i lost him, and i am still very in-love with him, but i guess its really time to move on and let things happen naturally. i have meet out quite a few guys lately and realise that i am still attractive in some ppl's eye... phew.. ha. there is this particular guy that i really interested have been calling me quite often, he hang out and chat alot. but i think i am not ready to start any relationship yet... i just want to have fun and meet ppl, be happy. things diff from before now. somehow oneday, i thought of my ex... i called him and meet him for a dinner lastnight. things really change, i realise that i have change this time.. dinner was kind of weird, and he is quite quiet, he thinks that i want something from him, kept telling me that he is dead and he has no emotion. but i told him that relax and i didnt expect anything from him.. just relax have fun have a good dinner... i tried to make the conversation light and cheerful and i am really glad that i did that. we went back to his place, and hang out, i retrive back all my stuff from his place this morning and leave the house while he is asleep. i am sad, but i think i am happy for what i did last night. i want to be happy.. and move on.. after meeting him this time really make everything clear that things really change, i cant do anything to change the situation anymore. i am a cheerful person actually, but i realise that i cant be myself infront of him, showing him my cheerful side infront of him anymore... thats sad. i have tried to do everything to go back to those time that when we were happy, but i have tried my best, things cant go back anymore. he cant go back anymore too. he has put an arm in between us, which mean no matter how i try its useless. i set him free and i set myself free too...
Author maay Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 gosh, how to start the NC again after all the effort you have done, and now broke it. so hard to start again.
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