That_Was_Then Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Hi All, I'm new here. I've been reading these boards for about a year now. I never had the courage to post but here I am. My MM and I decided to part ways, at least for now. Same ol' story, has to go back for the kids, feels guilty, says he doesn't want me waiting around, and he's messed up. I sort of think it's the cowardly way out but I've never been in that position so I try not to judge too harshly. Anyway, after a long time of trying to be together suddenly this is the situation I find myself in. He assured me I was perfect for him but had trouble leaving his kids. After he went back his W found cell phone calls and emails. I only got one message from him after that stating that he was sorry for everything. No 'i love you' nothing. Just very matter of fact. We were on almost 2 weeks of no contact when the other day I received an email with a work related question sent to me and another person, as we were those that might have the answer. The information was not vital that he needed and probably could have been found through other avenues (although it would have taken longer) or just ignored altogether. I wrote back with very matter of fact statements with the information, didn't sign my name, nothing. I received a "thank you" email with nothing but our names and those two words. I didn't respond any further. I know that his feelings for me where genuine. The entire thing ended rather quickly though and he has really become very distant since we were discovered. My questions are.... why did he email me? he could have just emailed the other person... did I make a mistake by answering? I've read a lot about NC on this board as I've been trying to do it for the longest time. So why did this happen? Does he miss me or ??? Thanks.....
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Honestly, it doesn't really matter, does it? What would change by knowing the answer? You'd still be miserable, and he would still be married.
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Tell him he's disrespecting his marriage and his wife by contacting you. And, that NO good can come of him continuing to contact you, it will only bring pain and heartache. MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND that he also must respect your wishes of NC, since he intiated it, he's gotta follow it too. He probably does miss you, but it isn't going to change the fact he isn't leaving his wife and children. He is just being selfish by contacting you. The choice now is yours on whether or not you allow yourself to fall back into the pattern of being the OW or ending it once and for all. I'm sure it will hurt you, but being tugged around by him probably hurts even more. Atleast if you say goodbye for real, you can make your own closure.
PoshPrincess Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Hi All, I'm new here. I've been reading these boards for about a year now. I never had the courage to post but here I am. My MM and I decided to part ways, at least for now. Same ol' story, has to go back for the kids, feels guilty, says he doesn't want me waiting around, and he's messed up. I sort of think it's the cowardly way out but I've never been in that position so I try not to judge too harshly. Anyway, after a long time of trying to be together suddenly this is the situation I find myself in. He assured me I was perfect for him but had trouble leaving his kids. After he went back his W found cell phone calls and emails. I only got one message from him after that stating that he was sorry for everything. No 'i love you' nothing. Just very matter of fact. We were on almost 2 weeks of no contact when the other day I received an email with a work related question sent to me and another person, as we were those that might have the answer. The information was not vital that he needed and probably could have been found through other avenues (although it would have taken longer) or just ignored altogether. I wrote back with very matter of fact statements with the information, didn't sign my name, nothing. I received a "thank you" email with nothing but our names and those two words. I didn't respond any further. I know that his feelings for me where genuine. The entire thing ended rather quickly though and he has really become very distant since we were discovered. My questions are.... why did he email me? he could have just emailed the other person... did I make a mistake by answering? I've read a lot about NC on this board as I've been trying to do it for the longest time. So why did this happen? Does he miss me or ??? Thanks..... That_was-Then, your sitch sounds SO similar to mine, although my exMM never left. It was exactly the same story, he HAD to stay. It wasn't necessarily the 'right' thing to do but it was the only thing he could do 'at the moment'. He loved me but that was the sacrifice he had to make.....blah blah blah, the list goes on. What a martyr! The difference with your sitch is that you have professional connections with your MM. No, he probably didn't have to email you but I guess some part of him wanted contact with you, however small. And in his mind, he's not 'technically' cheating on his W/going back on NC by contacting you regarding a work related issue. I am quite sure he does still have feelings for you but, as you know, unfortunately that doesn't change anything. I STILL want to know if my exMM has feelings for me. The last time he told me he loved me was 10 months ago; after that he would never say it as he felt it would be leading me on but when I said, "So, tell me you still love your W and that you don't want to be with me and then I can move on. I will have no choice then!" He said if he did, he would be lying to me and couldn't do that either. Still not sure if he was trying to spare my feelings or keep his options open! At the end of the day, so what if he HAS still got feelings for me? What difference will it make? He still doesn't want to/can't be with me and that's that. Not that simple I know, I STILL can't move on so I do understand how you're feeling. You did the right thing by replying being that the email was solely to do with work. This is the only contact you should have with him though. Take it from me, I have started to feel like a stalker with my exMM. I ended things with him SO many times and he begged me to take him back. Now the shoe is on the other foot and it ain't nice! I have no willpower at all and it makes me feel rubbish, I can tell you. There really is no advice I can give you other than to stick to NC unless his sitch changes. I have so many regrets about being so weak. Don't go down the same road as it will eat away at you and take you FAR longer to get over things. Block him out of your life as much as possible. If it gets that bad and if it's possible for you to do so, change jobs so that you no longer have him in your life in any respect. Stay strong! x
NearlyThere Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Hi All, I'm new here. I've been reading these boards for about a year now. I never had the courage to post but here I am. My MM and I decided to part ways, at least for now. Same ol' story, has to go back for the kids, feels guilty, says he doesn't want me waiting around, and he's messed up. I sort of think it's the cowardly way out but I've never been in that position so I try not to judge too harshly. Anyway, after a long time of trying to be together suddenly this is the situation I find myself in. He assured me I was perfect for him but had trouble leaving his kids. After he went back his W found cell phone calls and emails. I only got one message from him after that stating that he was sorry for everything. No 'i love you' nothing. Just very matter of fact. We were on almost 2 weeks of no contact when the other day I received an email with a work related question sent to me and another person, as we were those that might have the answer. The information was not vital that he needed and probably could have been found through other avenues (although it would have taken longer) or just ignored altogether. I wrote back with very matter of fact statements with the information, didn't sign my name, nothing. I received a "thank you" email with nothing but our names and those two words. I didn't respond any further. I know that his feelings for me where genuine. The entire thing ended rather quickly though and he has really become very distant since we were discovered. My questions are.... why did he email me? he could have just emailed the other person... did I make a mistake by answering? I've read a lot about NC on this board as I've been trying to do it for the longest time. So why did this happen? Does he miss me or ??? Thanks..... Hi You know there could be many reasons why he copied you in. The trouble is with work related A's it has an extra complication. Luckily the slight work related connection between me and mine has been removed in the last couple of weeks, so work wise I have no reason to communicate with him. What used to run thru my mind when communicating via email work wise, although never used our works email for any but work related issues, was if I copy him in on the mail will it look suspicious? and if I leave him out will it look worse, people might think well X knows more about this than I do, why is he not in on it. It could just simply been a case of that, you were right to respond, professionally only, what more can you do, again worse if you dont respsond, and then how else could he respond to you but to say thank-you. Also as LB and WWIU has said it does not change the situation as hard as it is. Just try and not read anything into it. Hard I know. NT
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