SouthernT Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 What is everyone's opinions to this...ok....so this was one of ArtCritics responses to one of my threads..... "Sometimes.. it is laying the groundwork I don't think his ONLY intention is to get in your pants.. but he has been laying the ground work to woo you out of your panties :)" While I understand what ArtCritic is saying.....But ss this not the same thing as being a player? Is it not right there on the line of being either/or? (a situation where a guy is NOT leading you on...but wont LEAVE you alone....but still not READY for something serious) That's just soooo much gray area to me.....what does everyone think?
Date-Tastic Dave Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 I have a friend who believes so strongly in 'the guy code' that he refuses to have a girlfriend. He has an ex over every now and then to cuddle with and spend the day with, but is more concerned about himself than anything else. in this case i will say this. The guy wants some kind of affection outside of sex. He wants to be held and made to feel loved. People like that feeling. He also wants sex. But he doesn't want to be in a relationship, because that means he'll have to care about a person and listen to them carry on about their day, be expected to show the same affection back.. etc etc etc. To him, there are too many strings attached. So. I would say he's a player, yes. Playing on both your emotions and sexual proclivities.
DanielMadr Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Investigating huge Player conspiracy? Like he is trying to seduce you, you should be interested in seducing him. When he is in love he will drop the player maneers. But he wont fell in love with someone always ready to duck and take cover. Reality check. Non-frustrated, non-desperate guys are not big fans of relationships. You have to work hard to get them into some decent one.
Author SouthernT Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 anybody else out there have an opinion?
LoveLace Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Investigating huge Player conspiracy? Like he is trying to seduce you, you should be interested in seducing him. When he is in love he will drop the player maneers. But he wont fell in love with someone always ready to duck and take cover. Reality check. Non-frustrated, non-desperate guys are not big fans of relationships. You have to work hard to get them into some decent one. So the only types of guys that want relationships are frustrated and desperate? Gee that's comforting. In the broad spectrum of things, it seems we consider any guy a "player" if he doesn't want a relationship.
DanielMadr Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 So the only types of guys that want relationships are frustrated and desperate? Gee that's comforting. In the broad spectrum of things, it seems we consider any guy a "player" if he doesn't want a relationship. and bored and lazy ones too Or guys in love. But once they are no more frustrated, desperatea and bore or in love they go. So you end up with a lazy one or the one who loves you. But you wont make him love you by distancing yourself out of fear he is player or that you are not good enough for him;)
LoveLace Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 and bored and lazy ones too Or guys in love. But once they are no more frustrated, desperatea and bore or in love they go. So you end up with a lazy one or the one who loves you. But you wont make him love you by distancing yourself out of fear he is player or that you are not good enough for him;) It's a lose-lose situation in my experience. If you give a guy the benefit of the doubt that he is not a player, and that he considers you "good enough", then you assume he might want a relationship, and he still freaks out on ya. But if you try to give him space instead it can drive him away just as much.
Author SouthernT Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 It's a lose-lose situation in my experience. If you give a guy the benefit of the doubt that he is not a player, and that he considers you "good enough", then you assume he might want a relationship, and he still freaks out on ya. But if you try to give him space instead it can drive him away just as much. yeah I think I'm with you on this one....It's a no win situation either way it goes.
LoveLace Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 It's all about what's convenient for them, weather it's friendship, sex, or cuddling or talking, they treat it all as though we're supposed to go by whatever they are in the mood for that day, and we're supposed to be ok with it. Women are probably more like this nowadays as well; but we're called "bitches" for being wishy-washy and for not just saying what we want. But half the time we say what we want, the guy doesn't want to give it to us. It's total B.S.
Author SouthernT Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 Investigating huge Player conspiracy? Like he is trying to seduce you, you should be interested in seducing him. When he is in love he will drop the player maneers. But he wont fell in love with someone always ready to duck and take cover. ummm...I think I call B.S. on this Daniel. Because when we DONT duck and take cover and lay our cards out on the table...the ends up saying "this is not what I'm looking for" and they take off running. But in the same breath....everybody loves a challance....never ending cypher.
DanielMadr Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 ummm...I think I call B.S. on this Daniel. Because when we DONT duck and take cover and lay our cards out on the table...the ends up saying "this is not what I'm looking for" and they take off running. But in the same breath....everybody loves a challance....never ending cypher. By taking duck and cover I meant quite the opposite - keeping your cards close to the chest. Nevermind. LoveLace is right. You should date and than eventually decide if to have relationship or not. And the same freedom of choice should go for your partner. Its just unreallistic to demand relationship. Or one can go the orthodox way....sex after marriage. Then one can be pretty sure. Again balance is everything. Dont freak out your potentional partner by being too eager, clingy, needy and insecure, dwelling on THE RELATIONSHIP. On the other hand, take your time to know him/her. He/she can be in no mood for relationship but will drop this attitude for someone and vice versa. Watch for chemistry, persons integrity and trust your gut. Dont let your insecurities and doubts spoil your day.
Author SouthernT Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 By taking duck and cover I meant quite the opposite - keeping your cards close to the chest. Nevermind. ok so keep your expectations low and to yourself and keep your guard up until the two of you reach a mutual understanding?
halfarock Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 "Sometimes.. it is laying the groundwork I don't think his ONLY intention is to get in your pants.. but he has been laying the ground work to woo you out of your panties :)" I hear guys say things like this, or use the word foundation rather than groundwork, and the meaning is always that the guy is unsure of his chances of going further with a certain woman. So he bides his time laying a “foundation” by buttering up to her in the hopes that eventually either he will gain courage or she will give him a sign. And I’d say by way of the terminology that the ultimate goal is to get the girl for the long term. ok so keep your expectations low and to yourself and keep your guard up until the two of you reach a mutual understanding? Throughout my life I’ve always had female friends. Typically, when I meet a woman who stirs my interest, I’m thinking, “Wow, she’s kind of cool. I think I’ll go hang out with her” with no expectations more then that I think that it might be interesting to go hang out with her. After all I hang out with women all the time. Ever so often a particular woman will come along and we’ll just be hanging out and there comes a point where it is obvious to both of us that we should be closer, kissing or something. That’s what makes it special, it’s unexpected, a welcomed surprise. So don’t keep your expectations low, just don’t expect anything that does not already exist. And if something does come to exist then be happy about it. Without expectations then there is nothing to keep to yourself. Your guard is a trust issue. Yes, have no expectations except upon what is mutually agreed to.
DanielMadr Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 ok so keep your expectations low and to yourself and keep your guard up until the two of you reach a mutual understanding? Yes that is true but the guard thing. When you keep your guard up, he wont fell in love with you, simply because there is no affection from your side. It is humiliating and bad sign when girl is sitting there - no initiative, no signs of interest ec and he is trying to pursue her. Guys are also looking for your interest level to progress. When there is too little they will detach. You dont have to pursue him but you have to give enough signs of interest if there is any. Answering phone calls is minimum what can you do. Going on dates or politely declining with counter offer another minimum. And on dates you should be able to open up a bit, step by step. He cant make 5 steps with you still sitting on rocks. He will make one or two steps, if you hesitate he will stop and wait but he wont wait for you for long.
Author SouthernT Posted May 25, 2007 Author Posted May 25, 2007 Yes that is true but the guard thing. When you keep your guard up, he wont fell in love with you, simply because there is no affection from your side. It is humiliating and bad sign when girl is sitting there - no initiative, no signs of interest ec and he is trying to pursue her. Guys are also looking for your interest level to progress. When there is too little they will detach. You dont have to pursue him but you have to give enough signs of interest if there is any. Answering phone calls is minimum what can you do. Going on dates or politely declining with counter offer another minimum. And on dates you should be able to open up a bit, step by step. He cant make 5 steps with you still sitting on rocks. He will make one or two steps, if you hesitate he will stop and wait but he wont wait for you for long. Thanks for the insight!! This helped me out ALOT! I understand now.
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