saturnalia Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 OK, now that I got you attention with the topic I met a charming, funny, attractive guy through an internet dating site a couple months back. We have had four dates since our initial meeting, all of which I thought went really well, nice flowing conversations, common interests. During one date we must have talked for over five hours over a bottle of wine. I am an attractive gal and am used to having a guy all over me by the second date, but with this one it's been nothing more than hand-holding and deep good-night kisses for not two but four. This guy has struck me as a bit more traditional than the types I usually date, and has definitely made it quite clear that he is looking for THE relationship (has made allusions to marriage and family). Are there straight men out there who are actually able to control there urges in an attempt to impress a woman as a "gentleman" if he is serious about her? He calls me quite frequently, has kept in contact as he has been out of town for two weeks, and has asked me out for this weekend for a whole day of activities.... I put some blurb in my online profile about wanting to take things "slow" but to me that means relationship-wise, not sexually. I am definitely past screwing around and I too am looking for the elusive SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP, BUT I am a very physical person with quite a sex drive. And I need to feel wanted and attractive. It's leading me to wonder if he is just holding back, or is he is lacking testosterone or has "issues" which may necessitate the purple pill..... Men, help me out here? If you met a woman you were really serious about, would you restrict things to kissing for four dates in an attempt to impress her? Help, please!
DanielMadr Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 Are there straight men out there who are actually able to control there urges in an attempt to impress a woman as a "gentleman" if he is serious about her? Yeah sure. It is called self control. It feels good not to be prone to sexploitation
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 I related to everything you said, I used to judge if I guy liked me by physical actions. (which most of the time was wrong) I have been in the same situation as you with the guy I am seeing now. First 2 dates he shook my hand at the end of the date which I though was strange. Hmm ok hand shake? Does he like me, is he interested? (though after the date he said he had a great time with me and wanted to see me again) Then date 3 he we were sitting at the stop light on the way home and he went to shake my hand again and I said you don't have to shake my hand. As the sentence was almost out of my mouth he kissed me at the stop lights (I was trying to enjoy it and remember the moment but also keeping one eye on the light changing! LOL) Kissing continued at my doorstep. Then date 4 we were at his place and kissing continued and progressed to sex. So went from a few dates of nothing to neither of us holding back. So I think maybe he was just being respectful of me and didn't want to move to fast. I have a feeling it may be like that with your guy as well, he started to kiss you and hold your hand sooner than mine and he is probably waiting for more time and the right time to progress the relationship. Maybe give him a hint. For example I have been wanting to spend the night but I didn't think he was going to being it up because of respect so I brought it up so he knew I was interested and wouldn't be offended. (Want to take advantage of the long weekend? I could stay over night so we have more time together and I don't have to rush home). Sorry if I was a little gushy about my personal situation, still in a mushy happy mood/high from last weekend! lol (last weekend was the 1st time for spending the night and was very special)
GregsBad Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 You sound sensual - but for now - not so good at commuincating. Are you telling us that you're body can't talk to his? Just jump his bones! Here's one problem: You're initial writing of "take it slow" ... your we're full of sh*t for that OK? But he'll forget that. Tell him you didn't mean it the way he took it (the way you put it - dummy - damn girl?). If he's sensual but holding back out of respect, you'll know right away because he'll know what to do. If he's NOT sensual and holding back b/c he's not so sensual ... you'll know that right away too Go back and revise that "take it slow" thing from your internet profile. That's not YOU! Did you lie about anything else? When you said in your profile that you want to take it slow - meaning relationship wise but not sex wise. Yes! He thought you meant sex! He's a man. Talk the way a man will understand, not the way another woman will understand.
dropdeadlegs Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Take the kissing farther, like move to heavy petting or something, grab his butt and pull him tight, and things will likely progress from there. If you give him an inch, he'll probably give you several. I think the whole "take it slow" thing is the problem. I think he interpreted that to include sex. He didn't want to be "that creepy internet date guy" that was all over you.
Diamonds&Rust Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Are there straight men out there who are actually able to control there urges in an attempt to impress a woman as a "gentleman" if he is serious about her? It might not even be about impressing you, imagine. This could be the way he does things, or at least the way he does things with you. p.s. The "purple pill" is Prilosec; it treats acid reflux disease. Viagra's blue.
Trialbyfire Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I'm not a man but I've noticed that the guys who are into something more serious are a little less likely to jump you quickly. More a gesture of respecting your boundaries which I find appealing. They're waiting for your signal that you're ready to go further. Once you initiate, drive should not be the problem...
DanielMadr Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I'm not a man but I've noticed that the guys who are into something more serious are a little less likely to jump you quickly. More a gesture of respecting your boundaries which I find appealing. They're waiting for your signal that you're ready to go further. Once you initiate, drive should not be the problem... Guys who are into something more serious (really like you) are just scared not to f@ck up anything. So they take it slow.
Trialbyfire Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Guys who are into something more serious (really like you) are just scared not to f@ck up anything. So they take it slow. Well, there's that too...
Hugh_950 Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I'm not a man but I've noticed that the guys who are into something more serious are a little less likely to jump you quickly. Sorry but that's a woman telling you what's in a guy. TrialByFire is WRONG! If a guy is serious about you - and sensual - he may STILL be very likely to jump you quickly. Never confuse "serious about you" with "less likely to jump you". You hear that from you're mom or girl friends or a book written by a woman or Oprah. But you never hear that from a man, (unless he was a p*ssy - or playing you with what you wanted to hear.) Trust me - if he's serious about you ... he still might want to jump you! I ain't makin' this up!
loveratud Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Could just be that he's not that into you. I went on a 4th date with a girl tonight. I haven't done anything more than kiss her goodnight every night. She made some comment a couple days ago before our 3rd date along the lines of, "ooh, the big 3rd date, this should be exciting!" I asked her if she believed in the third date rule, she said it was good indicator. I said that it wasn't, and that rushing things usually messes up any chance of having something longterm. I went out with her tonight because I really wanted to see a particular movie really badly, and no one else was available. I don't really care if I ever see her again. She thinks that I'm not making advances out of respect for her and some kind of future, but in reality, I'm just not that into her. I'm not trying to post flame bait, just making you aware that there are guys like me out there, that date for fun, but don't move in for the kill for a variety of reasons.
DanielMadr Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 More he is interested in you, more he wants to jump you. Its even logical. But he can hold back 1) He is scared not to f@ck up 2) He knows it is the right thing to do and he can control himself pretty good Take your pick.
DanielMadr Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Could just be that he's not that into you. I went on a 4th date with a girl tonight. I haven't done anything more than kiss her goodnight every night. She made some comment a couple days ago before our 3rd date along the lines of, "ooh, the big 3rd date, this should be exciting!" I asked her if she believed in the third date rule, she said it was good indicator. I said that it wasn't, and that rushing things usually messes up any chance of having something longterm. I went out with her tonight because I really wanted to see a particular movie really badly, and no one else was available. I don't really care if I ever see her again. She thinks that I'm not making advances out of respect for her and some kind of future, but in reality, I'm just not that into her. I'm not trying to post flame bait, just making you aware that there are guys like me out there, that date for fun, but don't move in for the kill for a variety of reasons. 1. Why would you date her if you dont want to bed her? Its weird man. Tell her she is more like friend to you. Or you are not better than serial daters and attention wh0res. 2. Girls cant be stopped by some guy who doesnt want them that much. Quite the opposite. They want him more then. It is challenge. Bigger catch so to speak, something they cant have, so it signifies to them it is the higher level
Author saturnalia Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 Thanks for the feedback and the correction regarding my mistaken Viagra reference. lol If he was "just not that into me" I doubt he would be contacting me by phone/email as much as he has during the past couple weeks - he's been out of town for business - and making so many references to future plans, and last week setting a date for this weekend. In retrospect it seems reasonable that he would take my profile that way, and he's also just the gentlemanly, kind of traditional type overall. It's just I am not exactly used to that and, although I would like to have a relationship with more depth, lately work has limited them to mostly physical shallow relationships. I also have a fairly high sex drive and just want to make sure he has what it takes. I am trying to figure all this out... We'll see this weekend, when we go out again.
DanielMadr Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I also have a fairly high sex drive and just want to make sure he has what it takes. I am trying to figure all this out... We'll see this weekend, when we go out again. He is OK with things, you are not. So make a move.
stillafool Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Could be he is taking his time because of all the diseases out there. Maybe he is wanting to know a little more about your sexual history before he dives in to something that could make his thing fall off. I think you should be happy he is showing you some respect. BTW, I hope you don't tell him you want to see if he has "what it takes" because is sounds like a lot of work and could scare him off. Lovertud I don't see anything wrong with dating a girl and then deciding that you are not that in to her sexually. I think that is better than just having sex with someone just because you can and then moving on. How else are people going to find someone they have a connection with if you don't date around. You can't sleep with everyone or you leave yourself open to who knows what. Yet, if you date and don't sleep together you may later become very good friends.
VnusMars Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I'm personally a huge fan of the idea of saving the sex for later. Sex has been clinically and scientifically proven to give you false feelings of love and security and chemistry. What are you going to do when that tapers off? Having sex too soon in a relationship prevents the emotional and mental connection from progressing any further - at that point, the brain thinks it has arrived at the ultimate point of the relationship, and it's very hard to get past that. This has all undergone significant studies by psychologists and relationship experts, and the consensus is that sex too soon is a relationship killer - build up a solid base of emotional and mental connection first, THEN add in the physical as the icing on the cake. The idea that sex "enhances our emotional bond" is a bunch of crap. Sex is a pleasure to be enjoyed and shared in whatever context you wish, be it an anonymous one-night stand or a committed relationship, but it is NOT a tool for actually BUILDING a relationship. Unless you're just looking for casual and maybe temporary fun, in which case this guy isn't the one for you, since he seems to be looking for "the one."
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