peace_pipe Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 I have been seing this girl for a few weeks. I will call here "J". If you want more detail, I posted about it on this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t119391/ I have a specific question though. So I invite a few friends over to my place for drinks and fun. Then "J" calls and I invite her over. And she arrives.... So all of my friends and I are sitting around talking and getting a little hammered. It starts to get a tad late, and slowly people start leaving. "J" was the last one to leave, which was cool cause she had to work but she left right after the second to last person. Now, here's my thing. I was a bit tipsy and I felt like I could stay up for another hour or so. I hate being drunk alone - it is absolutely no fun. It was approx. 10:45 PM. So I say to her something like Me- "I know you want to go to bed but can't you stay a bit longer to keep me company?" Her - "I have to get up at a decent time and I am tired" Me - "I understand but what is 5 minutes?" Her - "I am really tired and I promise we will get together tomorrow" Me - "Okay, it's cool - goodnight". Now my friend that left previously apparently overheard the whole thing and she claims it sounded "pathetic". I can see her point but I definately wasn't trying to come off that way. I felt like I wanted to hang out with ANYONE at the moment, and whoever the last person was to leave I would have asked to stay a bit longer, but I must admit I tried a little harder because of "J". I simply don't like being drunk alone lol. So my question is this:P Do you think she, "J" also perceives it as being desperate or needy? Ladies, would you perceive it that way? P.S. - I have talked to her since and explained that I was only trying not to be drinkin/tipsy alone....
Star Gazer Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 If you hadn't talked to her afterward to explain yourself, I would have told you not to worry. But the fact that you explained yourself makes you sound like you care too much, which is a sign of a desperate/needy person. Not sure how to rectify this. Perhaps have people over again and beg someone else to stay for 5 minutes?
quankanne Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 what does J say about it? If she doesn't see it as pathetic, then I wouldn't worry about it, though I wouldn't dare try doing that again if I knew my friend had another commitment the next morning – that kind of thing gets annoying, because then you start to think that people don't respect your needs.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 23, 2007 Author Posted May 23, 2007 what does J say about it? If she doesn't see it as pathetic, then I wouldn't worry about it, though I wouldn't dare try doing that again if I knew my friend had another commitment the next morning – that kind of thing gets annoying, because then you start to think that people don't respect your needs. I knwo what you are saying and I do respect her needs. My needs at the moment were telling me to be social for a bit longer. Has anyone ever had that feeling after a few hours of hangin with friends..... and they depart but you are tipsy and aren't ready to crash??? I don't mind being alone - but in that situation it kind of sucks, right????
Author peace_pipe Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 She just left my apartment 5 minutes ago. sweetness.... I took extra special care to give her the impression I was ready for her to go tonight.
D-Lish Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 well you don't have to play games either...remember that. Just take things one day at a time. the relationship is new- so you guys still have a lot of getting to know each other.... But yeah, in the future- ALL people are turned off by neediness- guys and girls both... But it doesn't sound like it affected things negatively. ;-)
Krytellan Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 OK, so at what point do we start caring about little things just a tad too much? Just do your thing. You are who you are. I think sometimes we try just a little too hard to be the person others want us to be. Why do we think so many relationships don't work out... because we aren't being ourselves. Just a little rant. Just be yourself man. Screw her if she's gonna freak out about you asking her to stay.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 If some guy gave me the old "I'm tired" line, I would assume that he wasn't interested (which generally is the case when that line gets used) and I certainly wouldn't try to convince him to stay. I'd wish him goodnight, and then probably not see him again.
Author peace_pipe Posted May 25, 2007 Author Posted May 25, 2007 I have gotten to the point with this girl where I don't really care what happens anymore. All of her inconsistencies and indecisiveness has led me to lose most of my interest. If she comes around I may just try to screw with her head some. People, I have gotten to the point where I don't care... again.
Krytellan Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Sometimes that is the best place to be. They seem to like you more when you don't care. And they wonder why he doesn't do blah blah blah.
Lady Aurora Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 I have gotten to the point with this girl where I don't really care what happens anymore. All of her inconsistencies and indecisiveness has led me to lose most of my interest. If she comes around I may just try to screw with her head some. People, I have gotten to the point where I don't care... again. If have decided it is not worthwhile to pursue anything with this girl, that is fine. But, please don't "screw with her head" on purpose. That sounds vindictive. She may have wasted your time, but there is no sense in continuing to waste it for no good reason. Just move on. Aura
jcster Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 I think you might have a little bit of resentment with this person, and it's coloring every interaction that you have. It sounds like she hurt your feelings when she said she didn't want a relationship - but you've continued pursuing her in a half-hearted way even though she can't give you what you want. I would stop inviting her over until you can get your head on straight. Otherwise, you'll start hating each other, and that's not the type of neighbor you want to have.
GodofNietzsche Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 My girlfriend sometimes begs me to stay longer, and I give her some more time (like half an hour to an hour more) then when I originally intend to leave. The reason why I leave the time I do is because I have to be up early every morning. So, staying up to 3 or 4 in the morning will leave me completely useless for the next day(seeing as how I'm running off 3 or 4 hours of sleep). Honestly, a lot of times I am tired and need to go to sleep. Luckily, she doesn't get angry with me. She gets disappointed, but not upset with me. We have very differernt schedules, but respects the fact that I need to go home at a decent time. Otherwise, even if she got what she wanted, I would become resentful and probably distant toward her.
GregsBad Posted May 27, 2007 Posted May 27, 2007 If some guy gave me the old "I'm tired" line, I would assume that he wasn't interested (which generally is the case when that line gets used) and I certainly wouldn't try to convince him to stay. I'd wish him goodnight, and then probably not see him again. Thanks LB. I was begining to think I was the only one. I'm saying that I don't think PP was out of line in trying to coax a little further. And understand why you wouldn't. But I'm surprised to here the reponses about the coaxing being a lack of respect? If a girl declined a "5 more minutes invitation" with the "I'm tired line" I also might try to coax a little before backing off. Then I'd assume she wasn't interested, other than having been there for the party. I'd back off. No freaking out - she's still part of the gang. But then on the other hand, if I found out she was "annoyed" or offended because I didn't respect her ???? To me, thats weird. Maybe we coud hang in the gang so to speak, but I'd still think she wasn't g/f materal. I know that J didn't do that ... I'm referring to some of the responses here. Am I wrong? Should I never try to coax a sweetie beyond the first time she says, "I'm tired and should go" ? Where I come from, girls frequently do a coy thing, expecting the guy to try again.
Recommended Posts