any OW Pregnant with or ever had MM's BABY???

[youlive&youlearn]

I am 6 weeks pregnant with my MM's baby...Just found out last week.

I can't say this all came as a "surprise" since we weren't using protection (I know ill get alot of ***** for this but hey to each it's own!) We have been together for almost a year,and try to be intimate every week.

 

Anyway,I was having all the symptoms (tender breast,nauseas,certain food taste/smelled funy,very emotional,etc) So I went and bought a home-pregnancy test,and sure enough it came back positive!! I took another one (guess because i was in disbelief/denial) and of course it was positive as well.I told MM that day and me met in person and talked about it.He and me both decided that it's something that happend and we will keep the baby (he and I both are against getting an abortion & putting the baby up for adoption is out of the question!) We both want this baby,and are very happy...He told me that he is going to make sure that me and the baby are taken care of ,and that he is going to save up for when the baby comes.He rubs,kisses my belly everytime he sees me,and makes me feel so good.Not to boast or anything but he really loves me so he is going to be there for me no matter what.We are already talking about plans for the baby,and so on..But who's to say that he want change when that day comes?? That is uncertain,but i know this man and I know he is true to his word.

 

I already have a young child,so they want be far apart.. MM only has one child also.. him and his W have been together for a while so it makes me wonder why that is since I got pregnant with him so easily.. really though that is the last of my worries..Im just so happy..there is no other man in the world that i rather have my baby with.

[NoOneKnows]

Congratulations YLYL!

[quankanne]

but he really loves me so he is going to be there for me no matter what.We are already talking about plans for the baby,and so on..But who's to say that he want change when that day comes?? That is uncertain,but i know this man and I know he is true to his word.

 

please don't take this wrong, but you really need to get those ideas of "love" out of your mind when it comes to meeting practical needs of your child. Because legally, the baby's dad is still married, and probably will continue to stay married as he's already the parent of a child. Make your plans to raise this child as though he's not in the picture, because I cannot imagine how he would be able to support two families easily – especially if one is a secret family. No matter how much he cares about you or this baby, chances are, the two of you are going to suffer financially because he cannot give you the kind of support you need as the parent of a newborn. And most especially not once his wife gets wind of this.

 

you need to leave your heart out of this and be practical: Establish paternity and set up child support through legal channels for this baby – it's the only way you'll be able to protect your little one against whatever the future holds.

[curiousnycgirl]

Quankanne said it before me - but I agree. You need to make sure he is legally obligated to support this child, do NOT rely on promises and attestations of love.

 

If he sticks around great but if he doesn't he still needs to live up to his responsibilities.

 

Congratulations btw

[NoOneKnows]

Also, there are a few stories on here about pregnant ow. You would have to go back a couple of pages to read them.

[whichwayisup]

Does he plan on telling his wife he's having a baby with another woman? I don't see how he can keep it a secret from her...

[youlive&youlearn]

I see where your coming from,I agree with every last thing you typed.. I am worried about what will come out of all of this, and how i am going to support my younger child and this baby aswell.Being a single mother,I am already struggling finacially,and so is MM.I can't imagine the pain his W will endure when or if she ever finds out..(eventually im sure she will) I know i am selfish but now there is really no turning back.

 

MM may very well be BSing me and may not do anything for me and this baby,if that is the case then so be it, i raised my child all by myself so i can do it again with this baby on the way..I know it will be hard,and that there will be drama for yrs to come,and that saddens me but i got my self in this situation so i have to do what i need to do,and try to remain positive.

[frannie]

From what you say in your first post about 'no surprise' since you weren't using protection, and your reporting of his positive reaction to this and his rubbing your belly and kissing it, and the way he and his wife have 'mysteriously' not had a second child... it all seems like you think these are signs of something important and significant between you...

 

When all it could mean is a careless man who likes the fact he can get random women pregnant and then feels all smug about it and promises this that and the other with no real intention of being responsible or rational.

 

Making promises about putting money aside really means next to nothing, and I think you're right to wonder about what happens down the line. If he's the father you probably need to get that verified and if you need practical input (i.e. money) go through the legal channels in your country for getting those, whatever they may be.

[a4a]

I always got to wonder how in the long run things will turn out.

 

Not for the adults, but the kids.

 

Are they ever going to know that they have a half sibling in this world?

 

If things remain secret.......which house will Daddy be at on the holidays?

 

Huge effect on both kids.

 

Probably best to tell the truth to the W asap so at least the kids have a shot at being family to each other?

 

Sad for the kids no matter how it works out.

[quankanne]

I know i am selfish but now there is really no turning back.

 

honey, being selfish is to not do your damnedest to ensure a secure life for your child. If he is completely willing for you to bring this baby into this world, then he should be completely willing to be accountable for its welfare, regardless of his other obligations. Because from here on out, y'alls baby comes first in the relationship.

 

I don't imagine that you'll flounder, because as a single parent already, you know what the sacrifices will be in raising this new little one. Just don't let him weasel out of giving you the help your child needs!

 

Making promises about putting money aside really means next to nothing

 

exactly! I've heard horror stories about parents required by the courts to pay child support but refuse to do so and end up hurting the kids simply because they're trying to punish the other parent. Your baby doesn't deserve that, no matter how much your lover assures you that he loves you. It's a whole other ballgame now...

[Ladyjane14]

I always got to wonder how in the long run things will turn out.

 

Not for the adults, but the kids.

 

Are they ever going to know that they have a half sibling in this world?

 

If things remain secret.......which house will Daddy be at on the holidays?

 

Huge effect on both kids.

 

Probably best to tell the truth to the W asap so at least the kids have a shot at being family to each other?

 

Sad for the kids no matter how it works out.

 

One of my kids had a friend over a few weeks back, and regaled us with the tale of how her mother had almost dated her own bastard brother in H.S. Apparently, Grandpa had littered half the county with them and it took YEARS to sort everybody out.

 

I don't know HOW people can do such sick, twisted things to the ones they purport to love. Can you imagine what it must've felt like to realize that the feelings of attraction you almost ACTED on were for your brother???

 

Seriously, it's monstrous that people do crap like this to one another.

 

Tell the truth, OP. You no longer have the luxury of just thinking about yourself.

[sb129]

This post smells familiar. Is the MM a european born senator perchance?

[Impudent Oyster]

Will you be inviting MM's wife to the baby shower?

 

Honestly, I think this is a joke. It's too sick to be true. Maybe the OP ought to try for a guest appearance on the Jerry Springer show.

[LucreziaBorgia]

You will want to make sure you have your legal bases covered in terms of establishing paternity and getting child support. The wife is going to have to know, so that MM can openly support and be there for your child as a REAL father figure, and not some guy who has to lie and sneak in order to play Daddy for a few hours before he goes home to his legitimate family. The last thing you want is for him to hide your child like a dirty secret. Its bad enough to do that to you, but don't let him do that to an innocent child.

 

Here are some things to consider:

 

Will MM tell his wife about the child, or continue to shamefully hide you both?

Will MM's name be on the birth certificate?

Who will pay for the prenatal and hospital expenses?

Who will pay for supplies, etc?

Who cover educational expenses/college expenses?

Will your child be covered on his insurance policy?

Will your child be named as a beneficiary in his will?

 

If your legal bases are not covered in terms of paternity/custody/support then you are as good as screwed. If he refuses to participate in anything that would "out" him to his wife, then understand that you are dooming your child to the same fate as your own: to be hidden like something dirty and shameful. I know you have settled for that yourself, but do you really want that for your kid?

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

I haven't shared this on LS before. I just felt so ashamed. But I will share it with you now...

 

I fell pregnant to my MM. Quick background: Married for decade, with me for 1.5 yrs. At time of pregnancy MM had just separated but I was careful to know that it was early days and he could still return. MM has now filed for D.

 

Oh - And we were using protection, I'm always careful. It was a situation I never wanted to be in.

 

I almost fainted to see that my test was positive. The emotions were a real rollercoaster. I talked to my MM who was initially thrilled about it, until he saw my turmoil. I decided to have an abortion (I'm pro-abortion but I really never thought I would ever have to have one, and gee, I didnt feel so pro at the time).

 

The reasons I decided to have an abortion were:

 

• How could I possibly thrust a baby in the life of my MM's W and his kids? I've caused them enough pain which is still extremely raw. We're "together" now but I'm still thought of as the axe that came and smashed someones life to bits. The thought of his children having to deal with a new addition to their lives just made the guilt too much.
  
• How could I bring a child into the world from this situation? How could I do it to a little baby?

I felt so alone, so guilt, so confused. In a weird way now, I feel I did the right thing. MM does too although he's still sad about it. I am sad for the possibility of life that was extinguished by me, sorry for myself and the awful situation I got myself in - but pleased for his family. I know that probably sounds so freakin holier-than-thou (and I know I'm not) but at least I saved a little bit of more pain. They will never know about it.

 

Now our situation has become a relationship, he sees his initial happiness as a preview to the future.

 

I initially hated myself for the abortion. I remember thinking that it had been conceived out of love. But, I just couldn't do it. Now I feel sure that I made the right decision. Not just for his family but for our relationship. I doubt it would have survived through the turmoil of his separation at the time. It would have destroyed MM's W and kids, I know that for sure.

 

So in answer to the original poster...

 

I told MM that day and me met in person and talked about it.He and me both decided that it's something that happend and we will keep the baby (he and I both are against getting an abortion & putting the baby up for adoption is out of the question!)

 

Its not something thats just happened. Its going to be a baby, and it is going to cause so much pain and hurt to an innocent unknowing party. Do you really want a baby to shoulder that? Also, I wonder how long it will be before the finger points to you - "She trapped him. He just couldnt control himself, so she trapped him. Its her fault". Sad, but true.

 

He told me that he is going to make sure that me and the baby are taken care of ,and that he is going to save up for when the baby comes.

 

You need to take responsibility. You have no idea where you're situation will be nine months from now. You need to be in a position where you can financially, emotionally and physically care for your baby if your MM decides to go back to his M. Which could happen, even if you're pregnant.

 

Not to boast or anything but he really loves me so he is going to be there for me no matter what.

 

So did he say he would immediately tell his W about you and your pregnancy so that he could start taking care of you? Nope? He's still making time with you so you can get initmate once every week? Honey, you dont sound like you're boasting, you sound incredibly naive.

 

him and his W have been together for a while so it makes me wonder why that is since I got pregnant with him so easily

 

Because you were having unprotected sex with him, thats why.

 

Im just so happy..there is no other man in the world that i rather have my baby with.

 

I wish I could say I'm happy for you, but I think your happiness is going to be short lived

[norajane]

You've been given some good, practical advice, and I have nothing to add.

 

 

Not to boast or anything but he really loves me so he is going to be there for me no matter what. We are already talking about plans for the baby,and so on..But who's to say that he want change when that day comes?? That is uncertain,but i know this man and I know he is true to his word.

 

However, these statements above are a far cry from what you were saying a month ago in your previous posts. Perhaps you should re-read those posts and consider whether this man is really true to his word, and is someone you can trust to be there for you and your child.

[youlive&youlearn]

sure we have had our problems,and like every other relationship have had our arguments..but what i came to relize is that i love him and i am willing to work out things,no matter what the outcome may be.I know i sound naive & dumb but honestly I really do not care at this point.

 

If MM dosn't do diddly squat for me or this baby or wants to end our "fling" then yes it will be painful,ill hurt but i will move on! If he chooses to back out at this last minute then ill just file CS and we can go on living our own lifes with or without him in the picture. Yet There is more to it then that, i know what my child may go through ,but it's nothing that convinces me I should take the "easy" way out and abort.I don't think Id be able to live with myself,having a child already i know the guilt would be to much.Babies are blessings... maybe i should of waited till i was "married" or heck get pregnant with a Single man,and live happy ever after w/th a big house & white picket fence..But life dosn't always work out that way.People come from all different paths in life.. Im not perfect that i will admit but neither is anyone else.

 

WHy does this thread seem "fishy or fake"?? Things/situations like this happen all the time..nothing is uncommon of a mistress having the MM's child..or the MM actually stepping up like a REAL man/father figure and being there for his child or BEING HAPPY that he has another child on the way no matter what the circumstances are...It is what it is.

[scaredinlove]

If I were you I would first make sure that his wife dosen't finds out just now, you don't want to go thru hell during your pregnancy.

 

And I would suggest MM to open a saving on you name were he would put the money for the baby. So if backs up in the last minute you will have some security while you take him to court.

 

A scary thought crossed my mind...I don't know if someone mention it before, but you said his wife could not have another baby and he was having sex with you without protection, I hope he is not using you as a surrogated mother.

 

Hopefully ,he will keep his word and you will and your baby will be fine. Take care of yourself and Congratulations.:bunny:

[corazoncito]

There's a current events/pop culture magazine I read that has a woman who writes a weekly column along the lines of "Sex and the City" but a bit edgier. For a while, she was the OW of a MM who she never named although she wrote about the highs and lows of their relationship with brutal honesty. The MM was most likely a politician or prominent executive and, although he seemed to truly love the columnist, divorce was not an option (and his wife was likely aware that there was an OW anyway, and tolerated it as long as he was discreet). After following her column from week to week, I didn't envy her.

 

She also became pregnant by him (not planned). He stepped up to his responsibility and contributed financially to his son and visited him regularly. However, the nature of their relationship changed dramatically. She devoted a column to it and it was honestly a bit heartbreaking to read. Basically, he was head over heels in love with his new son and, as any good father would do, made him a priority. However, because his main social priority was to his W, and the arrival of the new child didn't change the fundamental circumstances for him and the OW, what ended up happening was that the time he used to steal to be with his OW basically had to turn into time for him and his secret child. The OW wrote very candidly that although she also loved her child fiercely, she began to resent that her MM would briefly hug and kiss her upon coming in the door and then spend the remainder of the time playing with his son and that from that point on there was no longer any "couple time" for them (although they did spend time together with the child). For him, the child was always the first priority. It was very hard for the OW because although she wanted a her son to have a happy childhood and know his father, she couldn't help but feel rejected and jealous by the MM. And she hated herself for feeling jealous of an innocent child, HER child. Eventually the relationship ended and she seems much happier now dating single men, while her son still enjoys a relationship with his father.

 

I really do hope that you can work out a financial agreement to see that your child is taken care of, but think about your own emotional well being in the long run too. That will also effect your child and shape his/her perceptions of what is acceptable in a relationship.

 

Good luck.

[Impudent Oyster]

WHy does this thread seem "fishy or fake"?? .

 

Because I cannot believe that anyone would be so irresponsible as to have unprotected sex with a married man, that's why it seems fake. It is simply beyond my comprehension that people would behave so recklessly.

 

I guess no matter how many times I read about trainwrecks like this I still have a hard time believing it...

 

I don't get this cavalier attitude about bringing a child into an EMA. Does MM have children already who will be devastated by this? We know he has a wife who will. How can people treat others like this and act like it's just a happy accident?

[a4a]

Because I cannot believe that anyone would be so irresponsible as to have unprotected sex with a married man, that's why it seems fake. It is simply beyond my comprehension that people would behave so recklessly.

 

I guess no matter how many times I read about trainwrecks like this I still have a hard time believing it...

 

I don't get this cavalier attitude about bringing a child into an EMA. Does MM have children already who will be devastated by this? We know he has a wife who will. How can people treat others like this and act like it's just a happy accident?

 

If you set the affair aside........

 

What has happened here is pretty typical. People make babies without the consideration of the childs best interests. People that cannot afford them, provide a stable emotional home, or they have babies to manipulate others for attention or for their other selfish needs. Even peer pressure causes pregnancies.

 

I believe few children are truly planned with thought and serious consideration for the childs best interests.

[Impudent Oyster]

I believe few children are truly planned with thought and serious consideration for the childs best interests.

 

Well that's certainly depressing. I like to think that most people put more thought into what is, without a doubt, the most important decision they will make in their lives.

 

I'll be optimistic and keep the faith, the alternative is abyssmal.

[Frances]

I see where your coming from,I agree with every last thing you typed.. I am worried about what will come out of all of this, and how i am going to support my younger child and this baby aswell.Being a single mother,I am already struggling finacially,and so is MM.I can't imagine the pain his W will endure when or if she ever finds out..(eventually im sure she will) I know i am selfish but now there is really no turning back.

 

How old are you? You sound very young and do not seem to know what life is about yet. How old is this very irresponsible MM?

 

i raised my child all by myself so i can do it again with this baby on the way.

 

 

Your child is far from raised, You sound as if someone should be still raising you. You have a hard road ahead of you and you have made it a very hard road for the children.

 

Is there anyone who in a position to help you? I do hope so and you are not depending on your MM. I wish you and the babies luck you are going to need it.

[Seen_It_All]

...but i know this man and I know he is true to his word.

ROFL...I'm sure his WIFE thought the same thing and look where THAT got her. TALK about rose-colored glasses..sheesh.

 

I know i sound naive & dumb but honestly I really do not care at this point.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Luckily, YOU did, so I didn't have to.

 

..or the MM actually stepping up like a REAL man/father figure and being there for his child or BEING HAPPY that he has another child on the way no matter what the circumstances are...

Oh dear God, dream on.

 

I know you're obviously naive, but here's a little 4-1-1 for you - a REAL MAN (as you mistakenly described HIM as in the above quote) would NOT be a scumbag and impregnate some woman he's banging on the side. But a scumbag would do that. A scumbag who is too STUPID to understand what he's now set in motion.

 

But he will.

 

Oh, he will.

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

If MM dosn't do diddly squat for me or this baby or wants to end our "fling" then yes it will be painful,ill hurt but i will move on!

 

You can move on...yes. But your child does not have that option. The MM will always be it's father whether he's in it's life or not

 

If he chooses to back out at this last minute then ill just file CS and we can go on living our own lifes with or without him in the picture.

 

I just dont understand how this all seems so simple to you. Doesn't your child warrant a choice as to whether the MM is in his life or not? How about the W if MM decides to work on his M. Will you be comfortable with your MM having access to the child whilst his W is there? Would you be giving access at all?

 

I'm sorry to be so negative about your relationship with MM but even if you feel extremely secure, these are issues you need to think about as he hasn't told he is still in his M.

 

Yet There is more to it then that, i know what my child may go through ,but it's nothing that convinces me I should take the "easy" way out and abort.I don't think Id be able to live with myself,having a child already i know the guilt would be to much.

 

Having an abortion was without doubt not the "easy" option. Having a baby would have guaranteed MM being in my life for a long time in the future, it would have cemented the separation between him and his W, I would have been very well financially supported. However, dealing with the guilt that my child would have been born into a situation that MM and I had created just wasn't the 100% best I could give my child. No way.

 

Babies are blessings... maybe i should of waited till i was "married" or heck get pregnant with a Single man,and live happy ever after w/th a big house & white picket fence..But life dosn't always work out that way.People come from all different paths in life.. Im not perfect that i will admit but neither is anyone else.

 

I agree - NO-ONE is perfect and we all make mistakes. And if you dont agree with abortion, that is your right. What I'm trying to get across to you is that this isn't going to be any happy ever after fairytale either. Its easy to get lost in love when feelings are running high. You need to get a reality check about the fact you could be bringing up a child from an affair and all of the future complications that that may bring. Its not a simple fact of "I'll love him therefore I'll make this work". There's someone else involved here whose life will have longlasting ramifications - your baby.

 

Good luck