LucreziaBorgia Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 I just thought a om would have truly loved me. I'm not sure how fair this would be to any OM, since you would have no intention of leaving your loveless marriage for him.
whichwayisup Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 Do you mean ANY OM, or is there one in particular? You are STARVING for affection and love, and your husband SHOULD be giving all that to you so you don't have to feel the need to look for it elsewhere. Bottomline, if you are unhappy in your marriage and your husband isn't willing to change his ways and make things better, divorce him. THEN go find another love.
Herzen Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 If you want an affair, check out affairmatch.com. I suspect we can post until we're blue in the fingers that an affair is part of the problem, not a solution, and it will do no good. If you want a fling, be careful and practice safe sex. Otherwise, you'll find a STD instead of love. Good luck. You'll need it.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 You said in one of your previous posts that you were "over it." No, you are not. In fact you are still obsessing over it and lashing out at others. You really are capbale of giving good advice but it gets lost amongst your bitter diatribes. Maybe its time to back off and take a break from visiting this forum. I don't think you are able to give objective constructive advice yet. LMAO, Why because I told the truth. I am over my former SO's cheating on me. Recently she got married to someone else, not the OM and invited me to the wedding. I informed her that I would bring a date and congradulations. The next day she proceeded and told me not to come if I was to bring a date. She proceeded to have a raging temper tandrum explaining why I cant come with a date. , I was just laughing my ass off! So sadly I canceled with my date. and the next week my former called me again inviting me to the reception and not the wedding. I was happy for her, nonetheless. If I was able to get past her getting married to someone else why can't I be over it. Back to the poster. I told you the truth, harsh as it may seem and u dont want to hear it, but cheating will not do you or your children any good. Children know alot that you dont think they do. And alot of times they hold that against you. It hurts because it is the truth. I am being objectionable as possible and if you dont like what I'm saying, then oh well. I'm not gonna be handling a woman with kid gloves.
norajane Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I'm just wondering where do people get the "bored" part? It was inferred from from your original post where you talk about wanting other men for fun, exciting relationships: But I want another man to have some fun some exciting relationship with. I know its wrong but I just want this. He comes home late every night So who would be caring for your child while you are out having fun and excitement with an affair partner? Or do you plan to bring an OM to your house? Very dangerous if your H comes home unexpectedly. I want to find real love its not only sex. I'm mad at myself for thinking this. It all comes down to being in a loveless marriage. How sad. I just thought a om would have truly loved me. You are more likely to meet a man who only wants no-strings attached sex, not one who truly loves you. Especially if you use some married affair partner finders site. Those guys are usually married themselves. Get some help from your family to divorce. Then you can find love because you will be free to love someone else instead of dragging your marriage into any relationship you might have.
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Thank you nora jane, your hitting the nail on the head completely. But I have to ask, first she infer's that she wants excitement implying she's bored. then she says he abuses me, then in her own words she says that it is basically a loveless marriage? Something isnt right here. All these excuses she's making up to me and I would gather to say that, it's not what she's thinks it is. Meaning that I dont believe all of the words that are coming out of her mouth. I'm sorry scarlett but you wrote too many things that are contradictory within themselves. Either he abused u, hasnt banged you, or is boring u? which one is it? It cant be a mixture of all three?
Lizzie60 Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I'm sorry about the bashing but that's par for the course, here. For some abusive posters, infidelity is akin to murder, rape, incest, child abuse. Those posters--with their so-called "tough love"--are never insightful, and rarely helpful. I agree with you on this. SWish I was in the same 'loveless/boring' relationship with my first ex (27 years altogether, common-law for 18 years). One day I told him to get a mistress so that he could leave me alone. I wanted to remain with him only for the sake of the family... nothing more. Then a good friend of mine told me I should get a OM... I was scared to cheat and then fall head over heels for that other guy... I knew I would have. I was starving for attention, for exciting sex... I was constantly fantasizing about other men. I never cheated... but I decided I had to leave him. He was devastated... I thought he would die for a while. but nothing I could do, there was no turning back. We all suffered terribly in this break-up...but after a few years, it is much better for everyone... I am happy now that I decided to leave him instead of cheating. I know he would have caught me... and it would have been a lot worst for everyone. So my advice to you, leave. I very much doubt that your love for him could be revived... I know exactly how you feel...been there and it sucks. Good luck, take care of yourself and your child (who is the most important person in the case of a separation...always).
scaredinlove Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I've been married for over 3 yrs and I've been wanting an affair for the past year. I don't have the courange to do it because I don't want to get caught and loose my child. But I want another man to have some fun some exciting relationship with. I know its wrong but I just want this. I want to be able to learn to approach men who will be up for this. Any advice? Am I crazy? You are not crazy but you should stop here. Maybe you are not happy married and and widhed you were single. Try to sort your feelings out. If you are not happy get a divorce and than look for man to have fun. I am a OW and I had a OM while married, it is a very difficult situation, you don't want that.Don't even start because when you do ,you will suffer like a dog.
pricillia Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Hey Barracuda, Is this tough love? Dude, you sound like one of those preachers that hang out in front of the strip clubs so he can scold the bad people. the softer side of Greg... nice.. anyway to My Secret wish... Sometimes you regret things when it is too late... I have no advice here... just think it through before you do it... Love is more than sex....
Author SecretWish Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 I was in the same 'loveless/boring' relationship with my first ex (27 years altogether, common-law for 18 years). One day I told him to get a mistress so that he could leave me alone. I wanted to remain with him only for the sake of the family... nothing more. Then a good friend of mine told me I should get a OM... I was scared to cheat and then fall head over heels for that other guy... I knew I would have. I was starving for attention, for exciting sex... I was constantly fantasizing about other men. I never cheated... but I decided I had to leave him. He was devastated... I thought he would die for a while. but nothing I could do, there was no turning back. We all suffered terribly in this break-up...but after a few years, it is much better for everyone... I am happy now that I decided to leave him instead of cheating. I know he would have caught me... and it would have been a lot worst for everyone. So my advice to you, leave. I very much doubt that your love for him could be revived... I know exactly how you feel...been there and it sucks. Good luck, take care of yourself and your child (who is the most important person in the case of a separation...always). Thank you for understanding, atleast you understand where I'm coming from. Well I haven't done anything yet. And maybe I won't! And thank you greg, you've been very kind through this.
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 SW, why not seek some therapy for yourself? It could help you through this and help you not make a big mistake that one day you could regret badly. If your H is unwilling to go to counselling, go yourself...Only good can come of it.
annabelle75 Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 SW- I don't want to make assumptions. All I can do is relate my own experiences and hope that it helps. I was married for 8 years and for the last 3, I felt almost dead inside. Although my ex-husband was not physically abusive, he was neglectful and uncaring. His job was his top priority and would often come home 2 to 3 hours late from work with no explanation of where he was or what he was doing. I never had proof of his cheating but by the time I decided to leave I just didn't care anymore. I hoped he was cheating so I would have an excuse to leave and move on with my life. I felt so completely trapped I just wanted to scream. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life in such a dry emotionless existence. I needed to escape. An affair may seem like an escape but in reality it is just another prison. Its a secret you have to keep from everyone around you. It will isolate you more than you have ever been in your life. If you think you are lonely now, the affair will only make it worse. If you are truly this unhappy, it may be time to leave your husband. The day I realized I wanted to be with some one else and I didn't care what my husband would think, I knew it was time to leave. I've moved out almost 2 years ago and my life has been so much fuller and happier. I don't feel trapped anymore. I'm not sure if my experince pertains to yours but I hope you can get something out of it.
GregsBad Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Well I haven't done anything yet. And maybe I won't! And thank you greg, you've been very kind through this. Does this mean you'll be my wing-woman? Seriously: You got some spankings and some outstanding advice. One that stands out to me is Herzen # 43, and others that were also good. I think you're gonna' be just fine.
GregsBad Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 SecretW. Abuse is never OK. Never let a man hurt you that way a second time. If he abused you like that ... he broke his vows.
Author SecretWish Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 Does this mean you'll be my wing-woman? I think you're gonna' be just fine. Lol, sure. Gregsbad wing-woman... Thanks, someday ill be okay, and ill snap out of it.
Owl Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I'm going to repeat my question, because I think its an aspect of all of this that you're choosing to ignore. If he's physically abusive now, what response do you expect to get out of him if you cheat on him? How can you NOT see the danger here???
oyster Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 I am an experience OM, PM if you want to meet up for coffee:bunny:
Author SecretWish Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 I'm going to repeat my question, because I think its an aspect of all of this that you're choosing to ignore. If he's physically abusive now, what response do you expect to get out of him if you cheat on him? How can you NOT see the danger here??? Sorry for not responding earlier. I understand what you're saying. Like all other people who cheat, we never expect to get caught... but in the end everyone does. Thinking about it he would snap and try to seriously hurt me. I see the danger and I'm going to try my best to find the resources for a divorce. Like another poster said on here its easy saying you'll divorce someone but its hard doing so.
Herzen Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Sorry for not responding earlier. I understand what you're saying. Like all other people who cheat, we never expect to get caught... but in the end everyone does. Thinking about it he would snap and try to seriously hurt me. I see the danger and I'm going to try my best to find the resources for a divorce. Like another poster said on here its easy saying you'll divorce someone but its hard doing so. While separation and divorce are very difficult steps--and should not be glibly recommended in all infidelity situations--both are required in your difficult case. As someone who has been separated and divorced for about 3 years, the life changes, although initially very difficult, resulted in a much better situation for everyone. Separate, divorce and then play to your heart's content. Having an affair will simply prolong the marital agony and delay the inevitable. Also, you must get yourself and your child out of harm's way.
Author SecretWish Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 I am an experience OM, PM if you want to meet up for coffee:bunny: I would like to know about your experience with a mw
Darth Vader Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 Thank you for understanding, atleast you understand where I'm coming from. Well I haven't done anything yet. And maybe I won't! And thank you greg, you've been very kind through this. If your husband isn't beating you, or doing others things of the sort, why would you want to inflict that kind of truma on him? It's good that you've done nothing, Yet, but you have got to at least consider how much this would destroy your husband, and how selfish this course of action is. Lady, some people commit suicide from finding out about their spouse cheating. If he isn't beating you like I said, and that's still no reason to cheat, there's NO reason whatsoever to cheat, NOTHING JUSTIFIES IT, NOTHING! If you want someone else, divorce your husband first, don't use your husband as a fall back guy to keep your security net up while you go out and have fun. What if your husband did this to you, would you be so accepting? Just think about that!
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