I want to have a OM

[SecretWish]

I've been married for over 3 yrs and I've been wanting an affair for the past year. I don't have the courange to do it because I don't want to get caught and loose my child. But I want another man to have some fun some exciting relationship with. I know its wrong but I just want this. I want to be able to learn to approach men who will be up for this. Any advice? Am I crazy?

[Diamonds&Rust]

Why would you want your husband to feel so much pain?

 

You should work on your marriage; why can't your husband be exciting/fun?

[LucreziaBorgia]

1. I've been married for over 3 yrs and I've been wanting an affair for the past year.

 

2. I don't have the courange to do it because I don't want to get caught and loose my child.

 

3. But I want another man to have some fun some exciting relationship with.

 

4. I know its wrong but I just want this.

 

5. I want to be able to learn to approach men who will be up for this. Any advice? Am I crazy?

 

1. Why did you get married in the first place? What went wrong that makes you want to have an affair?

 

2. You will get caught, make no mistake about it. Will you lose your child? I'm sure your husband wouldn't have much trouble getting the lion's share of the custody (if not full custody) if he presents enough evidence in divorce court of your philandering. I guess it depends on your state though.

 

3. Do you want this sort of relationship with your husband, or have you written off the possibility of working on your marriage entirely? I suppose if your husband refuses to help you with this, then your best choice would be to divorce before you decide to cheat. You'll have an easier time with custody than you would if you cheat, get caught and have your adultry/philandering brought up as part of a judge's determining of whether or not you are fit to be a parent, and how much custody and what type you should have.

 

4. I guess when you did your risk benefit analysis, you decided that the benefit of some d*ck on the side outweighs and means more to you than your marriage, your lifestyle and your child. When you looked at what you are willing to lose, you chose the risk of losing your husband and your child. At least you are honest with yourself.

 

5. How to approach? Its easy really. You just approach them like you are single, and reassure them that you are just looking for a good time, and that you are a great liar and will be able to hide OM very well from your husband. A lot of OM aren't too keen on being busted f*cking someone else's wife - men tend to take the violent route when it comes to Dday, and there are plenty of OM who have had their asses stomped by an angry husband. I guess you just have to give the impression that you are top knotch liar and are willing to put out with a minimum of emotional involvement. OM has to see that his risk is low before he will 'go for it'. The easier it is to lay you and get away with it, the better.

[torranceshipman]

You epitomise every low life cake eater out there...read through some of the posts here and see the nasty damage that people like you cause. Lucrezia summed you up particularly well in point 4 of her post.

[Seen_It_All]

It's very obvious that your marriage isn't working for you. What, are you living in some third world country where divorce isn't an option because your husband 'owns' you for life? See if he'll trade you to one of his neighbors for a couple goats and a cow.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Obviously things are unhappy for you and your looking for a quick fix. Unfortunately OM is not a fix but a trainwreck in disguise. IMO the fantasy alone has been sufficient to help you ignore the real problems in your life. Why not identify those and change them for good? Let go of the fantasy, find some direction in your life that is sure to bring about the changes you desire and stop wasting your time on Band Aids. OM is not the answer to your problems get some counseling and figure out what is.

[Impudent Oyster]

Why do you think you'll lose your child? I think you should get a divorce then go out and seek whatever it is you're looking for without lying and cheating. It's the right thing to do.

 

If you don't love your husband let him pursue someone who will.

[Herzen]

I've been married for over 3 yrs and I've been wanting an affair for the past year. I don't have the courange to do it because I don't want to get caught and loose my child. But I want another man to have some fun some exciting relationship with. I know its wrong but I just want this. I want to be able to learn to approach men who will be up for this. Any advice? Am I crazy?

 

It's impossible to perfectly plan and execute an affair. As a former (very retired) OM, I know this. The best affairs (and yes an affair is a relationship and relationships vary in quality) are love affairs, but love is difficult to plan.

 

If you want a hook-up, they're web sites which facilitate meetings. But I assume the freak factor is high--along with STD risks, etc. Or you could try Match.com and make clear up front that you're married and simply looking for sizzle on the side.

 

Affairs are gambles. No one can predict what will happen. You might have great affair sex, get your fill, and happily return to your marriage--with no one the worse for the wear. Or, the sex might be blah, your affair partner a whacko stalker and the affair discovered by your cuckholded husband. You just don't have a crystal ball.

 

Whether an affair is worth the risks to your loved ones and yourself is something only you can answer. One thing is certain: An affair-ride might give you thrills in the beginning, but the ride always ends. And whether it ends badly or well cannot be predicted.

 

The choice is yours.

[whichwayisup]

I've been married for over 3 yrs and I've been wanting an affair for the past year. I don't have the courange to do it because I don't want to get caught and loose my child. But I want another man to have some fun some exciting relationship with. I know its wrong but I just want this. I want to be able to learn to approach men who will be up for this. Any advice? Am I crazy?

 

Read what I hilighted in bold. There's your reason NOT to cheat and have an affair. Put your child's needs above your own! Focus on making your marriage better. Maybe something is missing, passion, or afew of your needs aren't being met...Be mature enough to talk to your husband and give him a chance to make things better between you two.

 

Looking for OM to have an affair, have fun on the side is just PURE selfishness on your behalf! But, if you're willing to throw away your life as you know it and turn your child and your husband's lives upside for some hot action on the side - GO FOR IT. Just be prepared to suffer the consquences and the fallout of your chosen actions.

[Herzen]

One thing that strikes me is the number of married women with young children who want to taste the dark side. Often these women are simply bored with their spouses and want to play.

 

My former MW (who remains married by the way)--a very well educated and successful professional--had very young children when she and I started our unlamented affair. Yet she was the aggressor. (I'm not excusing my conduct, but that's what happened). The popular, media image of the horny, middle-aged married men hitting on hot young babes is no longer the dominant paradigm.

 

Has the empowerment of women through careers, high incomes, independence, etc., emboldened some of them to mimic the "bad boy" behavior of their male counterparts?

 

What has feminism wrought?

[Hugh_950]

SecretW,

 

I'm in no position to moralize. I cheated and I regret that I didn't end my marriage up front rather than cheating.

 

If there is any reason that your husband is not making you happy I think it's much better to hurt him with the truth than to do what you're contemplating. The consequences can be way way beyond anything you're imagining.

[Hugh_950]

One thing that strikes me is the number of married women with young children who want to taste the dark side. Often these women are simply bored with their spouses and want to play.

 

My former MW (who remains married by the way)--a very well educated and successful professional--had very young children when she and I started our unlamented affair. Yet she was the aggressor. (I'm not excusing my conduct, but that's what happened). The popular, media image of the horny, middle-aged married men hitting on hot young babes is no longer the dominant paradigm.

 

Has the empowerment of women through careers, high incomes, independence, etc., emboldened some of them to mimic the "bad boy" behavior of their male counterparts?

 

What has feminism wrought?

 

I've read of the same phenomenon in Japan, where a ground swell of previously submissive wives are coming out of their closets.

 

They want to get laid too!.

[GregsBad]

So your willing to throw away a 3 yr marriage for a fling on the side. Nice way to show commitment to the man your married to for the rest of your life. All because your bored. Women like you give the new meaning to bottom feeder.

 

You need to understand the difference between mature steady love and the idea of wild emotional love, and the idea of falling in love. That is like an addiction.

 

If your not cut out for marriage and want to sow your wild oats then you need to tell your husband the truth. And you tell him it's not because you dont love him, but you desire other men as well and you want to go out and explore. When younsay it honestly he'll look at you like a lying whore but an honest one.

 

The fact of the matter remains that your kids are gonna look at you like a piece of trash because your going outside the marriage for something that probably wont last long and give you a disease or could possibly kill you all because you were...Bored??????? WTF????

 

In my time on this earth I have never heard anybody say something so nasty and horrible. Nice to know that's what you think about marriage, why dont you tell your family the truth, that your not cut out for marriage because you think it's boring. Oh your friends at work, hey I'm divorcing my husband and running away from my marriage, it's sooooo boring.

Oh and the kids oh they'll be fine, They are so bored. it's alright to go out and sleep around.

 

Your so bored get a godamn hobby!

 

Matter of fact if that's the case why the hell did you get married? What the hell your husband's thoughts and dreams of a family dont count, oh let me guess it was just something to do. U mad selfish yo. Your husband dont deserve a self absorbed cow like you. Have a nice divorce.

Hey Barracuda,

 

Is this tough love?

 

Dude, you sound like one of those preachers that hang out in front of the strip clubs so he can scold the bad people.

[NoOneKnows]

It's very obvious that your marriage isn't working for you. What, are you living in some third world country where divorce isn't an option because your husband 'owns' you for life? See if he'll trade you to one of his neighbors for a couple goats and a cow.

 

 

:lmao::lmao:

[Trialbyfire]

I can only shake my head at the morally and legally inept.

 

To take it down to core values, why would you risk the future happiness of your child for the male chippie on the side? If you need a thrill, take up sky-diving. At least your child can grow up respecting you, if something were to happen to you.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Hey Barracuda,

 

Is this tough love?

 

Dude, you sound like one of those preachers that hang out in front of the strip clubs so he can scold the bad people.

 

In a way it is tough love because most of these women be having affairs and not understanding of the consequences of their actions.

 

I am fully aware of people's choice and free will but when your in a marriage it is until death til you part, not until you get bored. She hasnt said if he abused her or cheated on her. But this man is out here busting his ass to support his family and the only thing she can come up with is have an affair because I'm bored. I bet she wont tell him because she'll lose the kids and the child support that comes with it. Then she'll have to get a job and support herself. And her paying child support isnt gonna make that easier. If anything she wants to screw around fine! divorce first and tell the truth.

 

And no I do not stand outside of strip clubs preaching to the masses. But all affairs either end badly or end horribly 90% of the time there is no happy ending. What if the OM she decides to get involve with start stalking her? abusing her kids fighting her husband. Then what she'll regret it? She'll wish she never happened. This will not end nicely I guarantee.

 

I'm 26, just another reason for young guys like me not to get married because the minute one person is serious another is looking to ruin our lives. Thanks for nothing.

[GregsBad]

In a way it is tough love because most of these women be having affairs and not understanding of the consequences of their actions.

 

I am fully aware of people's choice and free will but when your in a marriage it is until death til you part, not until you get bored. She hasnt said if he abused her or cheated on her. But this man is out here busting his ass to support his family and the only thing she can come up with is have an affair because I'm bored. I bet she wont tell him because she'll lose the kids and the child support that comes with it. Then she'll have to get a job and support herself. And her paying child support isnt gonna make that easier. If anything she wants to screw around fine! divorce first and tell the truth.

 

And no I do not stand outside of strip clubs preaching to the masses. But all affairs either end badly or end horribly 90% of the time there is no happy ending. What if the OM she decides to get involve with start stalking her? abusing her kids fighting her husband. Then what she'll regret it? She'll wish she never happened. This will not end nicely I guarantee.

 

I'm 26, just another reason for young guys like me not to get married because the minute one person is serious another is looking to ruin our lives. Thanks for nothing.

 

Read your reply very carefully ...

I have to agree everything you said here.

 

You're assumptions are probably either correct about her ...

or at least fair assumptions in a general sence.

 

I agree that telling the truth is always best.

 

But I still understand why she wants what she wants.

And I understand her fear of doing this in an open and up front way.

Saying and doing it are two different things.

 

But you still deserve to be called a preacher man.

Dude! You're NOT hanging around this forum unless you yourself are dealing with some things you're not so proud of.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Read your reply very carefully ...

I have to agree everything you said here.

 

You're assumptions are probably either correct about her ...

or at least fair assumptions in a general sence.

 

I agree that telling the truth is always best.

 

But I still understand why she wants what she wants.

And I understand her fear of doing this in an open and up front way.

Saying and doing it are two different things.

 

But you still deserve to be called a preacher man.

Dude! You're NOT hanging around this forum unless you yourself are dealing with some things you're not so proud of.

 

LOL, hold up I know your not trying to turn this around on me? Out of all these posters I barely reply to them because they arent worth the effort. No I dont go preaching to the masses. Like I said again it's free will.

 

I will say that my past experiences have shaped me to the man I am today. I will admit I was involved emotionally with one girl while her boyfriend was in jail. So in that situation I was the OM and I snapped out of it. Sad thing is I saw that she was crazy and I asked myself is this what I want to resign my life to? A lifetime with a girl who has serious mental issues. With her family, her love life, her career? Why would I put myself to be her doormat. I had ended the relationship because I snapped out of it, but that was when I was like 24-25. I ended it because she would never leave him for me, and it confused me because she always complained about him and yet she wouldnt leave him. I grew up since then and I've learned to live my life the right way.

 

Being honest and doing good. Good karma is my reward for all the good I do in life. It isnt an easy path but I do right.

 

P.S. After I ended the relationship with her she tried stalking me at my old job but I left since then and she always came by asking my old friends about me and how to get in contact with her. Luckily they had my back and didnt give them the number. Whew!!!

[GregsBad]

I agree that SecretW should not really do what she's thinking of.

 

This is an OW/OM forum and I think most of us here have participated in what she's scheming to do. That's why we're here.

 

But here she, is telling us before hand that she wants to do what most of us have done, but we found some mental way to rationalize while we did it.

 

I completely understand trying to warn her not to do what we did.

But I don't understand the hatred in some of the remarks.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Hatred, my words are hatred?!? wow that's a new one for me, not to T/J but hatred is strong a word. It's more like a bitter disgust because your going out there saying I want to cheat on my husband because my marriage is boring. That hurts me. I was a BS or hurt person in alot of my relationships so I can actively just say what I feel as if I were in her husband shoes. Nothing more nothing less. It's not hatred it's more like tough love.

 

If you see someone about to crash into a brick wall at hgih speeds do you stop them? Or let them continue?

 

I'm not going enable a person to single handily destroy their family because they want to F other people while married. If that's the case why get married? Your marriage is a joke and all your words of truth and commitment and honor were a bold faced lie. Like I said it's tough love, not hatred. The choice is hers to make. If she wants to cheat, she has free will to cheat. I cant stop her but I only hope my words can dissaude or unnerve her.

 

But it's my opinion nothing more.

[GregsBad]

LOL, hold up I know your not trying to turn this around on me? Out of all these posters I barely reply to them because they arent worth the effort. No I dont go preaching to the masses. Like I said again it's free will.

 

I will say that my past experiences have shaped me to the man I am today. I will admit I was involved emotionally with one girl while her boyfriend was in jail. So in that situation I was the OM and I snapped out of it. Sad thing is I saw that she was crazy and I asked myself is this what I want to resign my life to? A lifetime with a girl who has serious mental issues. With her family, her love life, her career? Why would I put myself to be her doormat. I had ended the relationship because I snapped out of it, but that was when I was like 24-25. I ended it because she would never leave him for me, and it confused me because she always complained about him and yet she wouldnt leave him. I grew up since then and I've learned to live my life the right way.

 

Being honest and doing good. Good karma is my reward for all the good I do in life. It isnt an easy path but I do right.

 

P.S. After I ended the relationship with her she tried stalking me at my old job but I left since then and she always came by asking my old friends about me and how to get in contact with her. Luckily they had my back and didnt give them the number. Whew!!!

 

You're right, I'm not trying to turn this around on you.

And FWIW I can see that you're just trying to keep someone from making a serious mistake. That you want to help ... comes through very clear!

 

Absolutley - doing the right thing is it's own reward!

And stopping the wrong thing was the hardest thing I ever did.

 

I know you know what I'm saying.

[IpAncA]

I've been married for over 3 yrs and I've been wanting an affair for the past year. I don't have the courange to do it because I don't want to get caught and loose my child. But I want another man to have some fun some exciting relationship with. I know its wrong but I just want this. I want to be able to learn to approach men who will be up for this. Any advice? Am I crazy?

Yeah okay. This sounds like a spam thread. Like were actually going to tell you how to get one.

 

But if this isn't one I have four words: WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE!

[reservoirdog1]

I expect SecretWish is long since gone, since she didn't get the responses she was hoping for...

[SecretWish]

Well thanks for every single post even the horrible one. I know this is wrong but people here should read the pinned thread before commenting.

Now I understand what I've said is wrong but I haven't acted upon it.

I've told my husband that our marriage wasn't working and he blew me off and told me this feeling would pass. He won't go to counciling. He comes home late every night and I'm pretty sure he's cheated. I've found msgs to prove it. He's abused me physically as pushing me, throwing me, socking me and trying to start something in front of my child. he's no angel. I want to find real love its not only sex. I'm mad at myself for thinking this.

There are married women and men out here that come to this site for help and just to vent. Its not fair for other people to just bash them. So what ever problems other people have or are bitter towards om/ow affairs don't come around here to brink other people down.

[Trialbyfire]

Well thanks for every single post even the horrible one. I know this is wrong but people here should read the pinned thread before commenting.

Now I understand what I've said is wrong but I haven't acted upon it.

I've told my husband that our marriage wasn't working and he blew me off and told me this feeling would pass. He won't go to counciling. He comes home late every night and I'm pretty sure he's cheated. I've found msgs to prove it. He's abused me physically as pushing me, throwing me, socking me and trying to start something in front of my child. he's no angel. I want to find real love its not only sex. I'm mad at myself for thinking this.

There are married women and men out here that come to this site for help and just to vent. Its not fair for other people to just bash them. So what ever problems other people have or are bitter towards om/ow affairs don't come around here to brink other people down.

So you would stoop to his level, for what reason? Revenge, to get off, what? Why not leave him and find real happiness?