Icantletgo Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 So I had this one night stand w/ this guy. he asked for my number. and he actually called me twice the next day. It's two days since the last time I talked to him and he hasn't called me again....guess he's not interested anymore? got what he wanted and is moving on?
Trimmer Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 First of all, why are you calling it a one night stand? If that's what you expected going in (no pun intended) how is is "ruining" you that he hasn't called. Isn't that the very essence of a ONS? I think we need more info here. What did you guys talk about when you spoke after the fact? Did you make any plans? How did he seem: still intersted, or just neutrally polite? More background!!!
Author Icantletgo Posted May 23, 2007 Author Posted May 23, 2007 Well it's ruining me cause I'm not like this AT ALL. Been a good girl all my life. But...you know how it goes...one thing lead to another...He's a nice guy. We talked about our interests in movies, music. I actually dont live in the city and he was thinking about coming to visit me in a couple of weeks...but then..NO CALL?
Trimmer Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 You're not like this... Maybe you were looking for something to put some kind of a punctuation mark on the end of your relationship with your ex? Anyway, as far as ONS-guy.... Have you called him? Why sit in a vacuum and wonder what the game is? Just call and ask him if he is still interested in coming to visit. Then relax.
Trialbyfire Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 Why are you considering yourself a "bad" girl for a ONS? If something natural occurs between two people who have chemistry, it doesn't change your status in life. If you were consistently having ONS, you might want to question why this would be necessary but this isn't the situation. Do what Trimmer suggested and call him, if only for your peace of mind. This way you can gauge his interest. If he doesn't answer and then doesn't return your call, you know that it's time to move on. Good luck!
Author Icantletgo Posted May 23, 2007 Author Posted May 23, 2007 Okay. thanks for the advice trial and trimmer. I just assumed that if a guy really wanted to talk to me (i'm old school) then he would call me AGAIN. I guess it wouldn't hurt to call him. He's called me 2x and I haven't even called him once. Thanks!!! And yes..this did put a punctuation mark to end a LONG painful relationship. It's been a year since I could even THINk about doing anything sexual with someone new.
jusified Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 HHAHA, think about it, if you called someone twice and they didn't answer. Would you think they are still interested? Wouldn't you be alittle upset? Beides, if he kept calling you,you probably say he was needy or annoying. Girls, you are all different and difficult in your own ways. But hay, love is love
Author Icantletgo Posted May 23, 2007 Author Posted May 23, 2007 Well he called me 2x...I answered the second time. I still call him? I sincerely believe it doesn't matter if i have called him or not...I still believe that if a man wants to talk to you, he'll call you no matter what? Am i wrong?
Trimmer Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 Well he called me 2x...I answered the second time. I still call him? I sincerely believe it doesn't matter if i have called him or not...I still believe that if a man wants to talk to you, he'll call you no matter what? Am i wrong? It's just this kind of game playing that causes misunderstandings in relationships. If he were interested, he would call me, so therefore I won't call him as a test of whether he is interested or not. Meanwhile he may be thinking exactly the same thing. It sounds like you haven't called him even once, and don't you think he may be going through the same thought process? After I put in the effort to call a couple of times, she hasn't even reciprocated once? Either she isn't interested or I'm seeming too eager and too needy/clingy/whatever, so I'd better back off.... Don't play the game. Call, and talk. The voice on the other end will give you a lot more information than you can guess at by reading tea leaves, and certainly more than we can give you here based on scant information.
Author Icantletgo Posted May 23, 2007 Author Posted May 23, 2007 Okay. I may sound immature when I say this...but I left him a comment on myspace...isn't that a clue that I want to talk??? UGH. I'm so scared that he won't like me.
Trialbyfire Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 Okay. I may sound immature when I say this...but I left him a comment on myspace...isn't that a clue that I want to talk??? UGH. I'm so scared that he won't like me. Okay, stop that. Sometimes people are incompatible for all kinds of reasons. Don't base your self-worth on the opinion of a guy you just met. If he's not interested, there are literally and figuratively billions of other fish out there. Ick, stay away from myspace comments. Don't be so timid and avoid a direct telephone conversation with him.
Trimmer Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 Okay. I may sound immature when I say this... To be honest, I have to agree with you on that one... ...I left him a comment on myspace...isn't that a clue that I want to talk??? OK. If your goal is to play games and "leave clues", then you have accomplished that. If your goal is to talk to him, then you have to TALK TO HIM! We can't help you guess what he is thinking or whether he will get your clues. Neither can you, for that matter. TALK TO HIM! My other piece of advice is to learn to know yourself well enough that if you tend towards this kind of agonizing and turmoil early in a relationship, you should enter relationships more slowly and cautiously. The ability to handle the emotional aspects of a one-night stand depends on a certain amount of self-confidence, and a recognition that if you sleep with someone the first night, you may be sending a message that this relationship is... well... a one night stand. If you do that, have your eyes open, and be prepared to take what comes - it may be good and lasting or it may be a more typical post-ONS "see ya!" with a wave over the shoulder - but if you are sensitive to this kind of thing, don't expose yourself to it. So, either fish or cut bait. Take action or don't. But stop trying to "leave clues" and second guess what he is thinking. You are just creating more useless drama in your own head with that kind of stuff.
Author Icantletgo Posted May 23, 2007 Author Posted May 23, 2007 Trimmer. Completely right!!! The reason I've never done this sort of thing is cause I usually wait MONTHS till I sleep with my steady boyfriends!!! Was I emotionally ready for this sort of thing?? HELL NO. Part of me wants to admit that this was a ONS and let it be. Just enjoy it for what it was...because seriously...how many relationships come out of ONS??? I want to call him, don't get me wrong. But part of me just wants to "let it go". If he is really interested, he would have called by now. And he WILL call. So I just wanna stand back, breathe, and just enjoy it for what it was worth. And...NOT call...?!
Trimmer Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 Was I emotionally ready for this sort of thing?? HELL NO. Part of me wants to admit that this was a ONS and let it be. Just enjoy it for what it was...because seriously...how many relationships come out of ONS??? I want to call him, don't get me wrong. But part of me just wants to "let it go". If he is really interested, he would have called by now. And he WILL call. So I just wanna stand back, breathe, and just enjoy it for what it was worth. And that's absolutely fine, if you can relax, and accept whatever comes. Maybe I'm misinterpreting that you are "agonizing" and you aren't really at all. (And sorry for the "immature" comment...) Relax and enjoy it for what it was: a nice (I hope - I'm living vicariously through you at the moment ) night of sex with probably no strings attached, and maybe something will come out of it but if not, it was still a nice night. Hey, in my book right now, that would be a good thing. I just want you to be confident and commit to a course of action - or non-action as the case may be - but relax, appreciate the positive, and also commit to accepting whatever the outcome is.
Author Icantletgo Posted May 23, 2007 Author Posted May 23, 2007 Thanks Trimmer. No I'm not offended at all. I know right now I'm going through crazy emotions through this cause I dont want this guy to think I do this all the time. We also have mutual friends (but they live far away as well) and I dont want them to think I am like this as well...I think that's what I'm stressing over. But I had a FABULOUS time and I wouldn't have traded it for the world. If he wants to talk then he knows where to find me. It just sucks cause I know he woudl be perfect for me and he's the type of guy I want right now..but you know what...there are lots of guys out there. But...no more ONS for this girl.
MissKissNada_Gal Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 you know, he called u TWICE the next day which obviously shows some intertest. Just because he did not call u in the next two days doesnt mean hes uninterested they cant call us everyday. men/guys have very busy lies. even if he isnt. so what, so many guys are going to want to be with u. but dont do one night stands
GiveAndTake Posted May 24, 2007 Posted May 24, 2007 ...I still believe that if a man wants to talk to you, he'll call you no matter what? Am i wrong? I'm traditional that way too and normally, I would say yes, if a man wants to talk to you he will call no matter what. BUT, you slept together on the first day of meeting. He DID call twice. At this point, I would bet that he thinks YOU feel it was a 1 night stand and do not want it to go further. Call him
Author Icantletgo Posted May 24, 2007 Author Posted May 24, 2007 he called. so i'm gonna take things slowly. be happy w/ him and be happy w/o him!
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