soulseeker Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 Oppath, you sound pretty darn grounded. I wouldnt worry to much about love coming your way. Seems like you are on the right track. I think it's so great that you actually took/are taking the time to figure out you. Most people are too afraid of being alone to actually do that.
DanielMadr Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 Oppath, you sound pretty darn grounded. I wouldnt worry to much about love coming your way. Seems like you are on the right track. I think it's so great that you actually took/are taking the time to figure out you. Most people are too afraid of being alone to actually do that. I second that. Keep up the good work and unless you lost a major limb (penis) in car accident dont feel weak minded. Hold on and good luck.
Author oppath Posted May 23, 2007 Author Posted May 23, 2007 Thanks, I do know how I am, my values, what is and is not acceptable to me! I largely think I question my worth and ability as a boyfriend too much because of the last breakup, and I need to realize that while I may make mistakes via inexperience, I could have lots of experiences and make even more mistakes. If my ex ended things in a way I found immature and was clearly dishonest, that doesn't reflect on my relationship abilities, other than there were warning signs that I should have walked away myself earlier. That was where the inexperience comes into play, and now I have that experience. I am well-traveled throughout the world on merits, not a credit card, and have been very accomplished in my profession for a young person. I've lived in different cities and have been extremely independent. I'm getting my doctorate. This doesn't make me better than anyone, but I'm learning that I need someone whose life has in some ways mirrored mine, someone who has left the nest, been on their own pursuing their own goals, moved around a little, learned how to be in a new place knowing no one and make new friends...I need someone like that. The actual career or education level doesn't matter so much, just the path traveled. I've learned these things by largely being on my own because I know what I require outside of a relationship to be happy and to feel efficacy in achieving what I need to sustain life; yes, I've neglected the relationship part of my life, but I've been catching up, and ultimately, the fact that I've developed other areas of my life so passionately and intensely will only lead me to a life of happiness. I could never cheat (I'd end the relationship first), I don't lie, even white lies to women to spare their feelings. I don't put myself in positions where those lies are possible because if you are honest BEFORE something could happen about things, you don't need to lie. I know how to agree with someone's viewpoint. I know how to listen. I possess great empathy. I am assertive. I've learned these skills by NOT being in a relationship, by moving around for school/work, having many different friendships and roommates, and being in many many situations that have allowed me to grow as an individual. Yes, I have some growth to do within a relationship, but most women out there would be lucky to have me!
SouthernT Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 I think it depends on which way you look at it. Some people might call it inexperience....but I call it being "cautious" and "particular" about who you allow yourself to get involved with. There's nothing wrong with that. I dont think that a larger number of long term relationships makes you more experienced "per say". I think it more about WHAT you experience even in the one or two relationships that you HAVE been in. I am in the same boat myself. I'm 27 and I've only had one real committed relationship and the one afterwards never lead to a committment. And those are the only two experienes that I have. But I can tell you that I learned a WHOLE LOT during these two experiences and gained alot of wisdom. So it just depends on how you look at it.
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