sonu Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 I met Joe 3 yrs back. I met him during a time when I was very sad and was in need of someone in my life. Joe was also alone and was looking for somebody. Joe tells me that, the first day he met me, he knew I was the one for him. So, he never let me go out of our relationship. Initially we had a lot of compatibility issues and I used to break up with him almost every weekend. He never wanted to let me go and he used to apologise and beg me to be with him. I have a weak heart and I succumbed to his pleading every time andwent back to him. We belong to two completely different nationalities and cultures. Though culture difference did cause a lot of conflicts between us, Joe's attitude was a major problem. He forced me to do things his way. Tiny things but it unnerves me. One year after we were together, Joe started to feel we should marry. I was not sure about him. We still fought a lot. By the time we completed 2 years in our relationship, I finished my graduation. It was hard for me to get a job in his country due to work permit problems. The work permit processing is easier if I had some experience. So, I decided not to waste any more time and return to my home country and work for a year to get some work exprerience. I had thought of returning to Joe's country after one year and then carry on things where we left. Joe was fine with this. We had decided that he would visit me in my home country during my stay there. I returned to my home country and got a good job. Most of my friends were either married and busy with their lives or had moved to different places. So, I barely had any friends. My distance relationship with Joe was getting worse day by day. He was trying to control me sitting in a different country. By control I mean he wanted me to do each activity the way he wants. This was pissing me off and making me feel helpless, frustrated and lonely. During the course of my relationship with Joe, I was never sure if I want to be with him. But we had spent a lot of time together and I was scared to break his heart. I guess, I care too much for him to hurt him. I have seen him break down every time I used to break up. So, I was asking myself to get used to him and carry on. I was 25 then and in our culture girls get married when they are 20. So, I had the pressure of getting married asap. So, I was taking my time to program myself to marry Joe. During the course of my job, around 4th or 5th month, I became friends with a colleague of mine called Rick. Initially, I looked at him only as a friend. We could talk to each other endlessly. Things rapidly developed between us. We had a great frequency match. We are not similar people but we are both very logical and understand each other very well. I felt Rick is the one for me and I told him that. Through Rick liked me a lot, he was not sure about his feelings towards me. Rick said, he needs six months to figure out things and tell me if he wants to marry me or not. It was a reasonable thing and I was fine with it. I was sure that I was in love with Rick and so, I called Joe and broke up with him. He sounded fine on the phone but a few hours later it left him totally devastated. He just could not digest it. His condition deteriorated over the next few days and I was feeling guilty and helpless for doing this to him. I was tempted to walk back on my words, call Joe again and tell him, I was stupid to break-up and lets be together again. But this time I wanted to stand my ground as I was never sure about him. Over the days, Joe's condition deteriorated and he asked me if he could come over to my country to visit me. I could not say NO. I never had the guts to tell him that I was in love with another guy. When Joe was in my country, he opened up completely. I saw a changed man. He was all I wanted him to be. I was a bit surprised. During Joe's visit to India, Rick started to feel insecure and I guess the insecurity led to love. He wanted me to be with him and not with Joe. But he didnt say he loved me. In a month's time, Joe asked me to get engaged to him. I kept asking Rick repeatedly what he felt for me. Rick said he was still not sure and he wanted time. I didnt want to let Joe go away and wait for six month just to hear from Rick that he doesnt want to be with me. I was too scared to be alone. Joe had changed quite a bit since our last break up and I felt marrying him might not be as bad as I thought. Also, it will save Joe from going through an emotional wreck again. Immediately after I agreed to marry Joe, Rick told me he loved me. He said, he was in love with me prior to my engagement with Joe but he wanted to see if I will risk things to be with him. Well...I didnt want to take the risk. After we got engaged, my compatibility with Joe had improved but it is not as great. Things still need a lot of time for improvement. Joe is very convinced that I am the one for him and he does everything to make things work. But it is hard for people to change but he is trying. I still meet Rick at times. I see a good friend and a great partner in him. I still have feelings for him. I would still love to marry him. But now things have become so complicated that I can't handle them. I don't have the guts to break Joe's heart again. Atleast not at this stage where he is looking for a date for the wedding. Is there a way I can end up with Rick and still not break Joe's heart?
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