Bad_Monkey25 Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 Alrighty, So I haven't posted in a long while. I guess I was just trying to move on, you know? Well, I knew that it would happen, I just didn't know when. Out of nowhere, I got an email from him after about 6 months of NC, which I initiated by saying "have a nice f**king life". He says in the email, "I just wanted to say Hi" Yeah right...more like I just wanted to f**k up the rest of your day. I emailed him back and asked him why he emailed me after 6 months. He says I was just wondering what you were up to and asked me all kinds of questions about what I was doing now. I said, Sure you just wondered how I was doing, it couldn't be that your wife trusts you again. Low blow, but he deserved it. Now the emails are like they used to be, like no time ever came between us. He avoids the "elephant in the room" though. Can't seem to get him to talk about it. I'm wondering how long it will take before the old MM comes back....
Freedom Now Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 Welcome to my world... My xMM is never very far....as a matter of fact, he called me just today. But, it doesn't bother me. It's HIS grave he's digging. He's not my problem: he's hers. But, for whatever reason, he always wants to keep himself in my life and my thoughts. I think he has a hard time losing. But, too bad, so sad.... He doesn't have the power over me that he thinks. He lost that a LONG time ago. You snooze, you lose. (yawn)
GreenEyedLady Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 I'm assuming from your post that you're together again? Do you want him to talk about it? What exactly about the old MM are you waiting to come back?
Star Dust Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 I'm wondering how long it will take before the old MM comes back.... I have the same question. Mine was caught 2 months back. I try to end it but he wants to keep me but nothing's the same, he can't/won't talk about emotional stuff, the support I had from him is gone. He expects me to sit and wait and take it and I don't think I can much longer.
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted May 23, 2007 Author Posted May 23, 2007 I'm assuming from your post that you're together again? Do you want him to talk about it? What exactly about the old MM are you waiting to come back? Nope, we are not back together, haven't been together in "that way" for about a year now. I'm just kinda in Limbo, wondering why he's back. I guess what I want is for him to acknowledge that he broke my f**king heart, but what man ever does? I guess I know he will be the same as he was, I'm expecting it, just wondering how long it will take before he's back. I dunno, maybe what I want is closure.
GreenEyedLady Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 Nope, we are not back together, haven't been together in "that way" for about a year now. I'm just kinda in Limbo, wondering why he's back. I guess what I want is for him to acknowledge that he broke my f**king heart, but what man ever does? I guess I know he will be the same as he was, I'm expecting it, just wondering how long it will take before he's back. I dunno, maybe what I want is closure. Some men will acknowledge, others won't...but what are you hoping to get out of him admitting it? I don't think that you'll find closure with that...more like a repeat of something that had happened before... But I sincerely hope that you find the closure that you need...
frannie Posted May 23, 2007 Posted May 23, 2007 Bad Monkey do you want him back in your life..? And on what terms..? How come he's allowed not to mention the 'elephant'..? You have to take control of this situation, or the parts you can control (which is the only choice any of us have). IF you don't want to talk to him, don't email him back. Simple as that. Block his email address, change yours, whatever. IF you want closure, then get it. But what you really need to decide is what you want... and you may have to do a lot of soul-searching there. It's very easy to complain about other people's behaviour (the outrage! he emailed me!) but if you're buying into it or letting him get away with it you have to ask yourself why..? People will always walk all over you if you let them. You responded to him, remember..? You could have just binned his stupid email.
Author Bad_Monkey25 Posted May 25, 2007 Author Posted May 25, 2007 Bad Monkey do you want him back in your life..? And on what terms..? How come he's allowed not to mention the 'elephant'..? You have to take control of this situation, or the parts you can control (which is the only choice any of us have). IF you don't want to talk to him, don't email him back. Simple as that. Block his email address, change yours, whatever. IF you want closure, then get it. But what you really need to decide is what you want... and you may have to do a lot of soul-searching there. It's very easy to complain about other people's behaviour (the outrage! he emailed me!) but if you're buying into it or letting him get away with it you have to ask yourself why..? People will always walk all over you if you let them. You responded to him, remember..? You could have just binned his stupid email. Well, he isn't not allowed to talk about it, I just don't bring it up, so he doesn't bring it up. I need closure but at the same time, I miss him. I was shocked when he emailed me, not really complaining, I mean after all the last thing I said to him 6 months ago was to have a nice f**king life I didn't expect to hear from him again. I am still in limbo. Dunno what to say, or what I want from him.
Tomcat33 Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 Badmonkey I think you are treading on thing ice by letting him in again even if it is on a platonic level. As the rest have asked, what do you hope to get out of this? I dread the day mine contacts me, and I know he will he is relentless. I blew his cover about a month ago and called his W and told her he was still contacting me. Then he proceede to take out a fake profile on a networking site, I caught him again and told him to never contact me again unless he was 100% single. He still has his phoney profile up and checks up on me almost daily so I know he is going to contact me again down the road. I dunnow about you but his behaviour now is starting to really turn me off. It's one thing when he was assuring me that his marriage was done and he was living on his own, but now he is back at home with her starting up with his antics again. It's really turning me off and I don't think I would want him even if he was 100% single.
Onelife Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 I have the same question. Mine was caught 2 months back. I try to end it but he wants to keep me but nothing's the same, he can't/won't talk about emotional stuff, the support I had from him is gone. He expects me to sit and wait and take it and I don't think I can much longer. Stardust I feel the same way that after my MM got caught and he still wants me, I feel that it's not the same. The emotional stuff seems to fade and fade. And it hurts so bad because before this it was like we have everything and we can always share everything! I guess we have two ways out of this. One, stay the same (be there for him) let's the feelings fade and start to turn us off little by little then eventually we will feel so numb and worthless and will walk away from him eventually or he will walk away from us because it's not fun anymore. Two, end it now on our term and have our power back while we can. To be honest with you, I really don't quite know the answer myself. But I just did the no. two choice and end it with my MM on my own term. I told him I can't sit here and wait for him and/or hope for his M to fail. I can't stay in the picture if he already made decision to stay (he said for the kids). I tried to end it many times before and we've been through NC a few times but always come back to the same old way. This time I see the clearer picture now that I rather walk when I am still a beautiful picture in his mind than when I turn myself into something not so extraordinary. He asked me to please never forget about him and still said that I can call him anytime during this weekend if I want to (even right after I told him I need to walk away from his life and have NC). I told him (hard to do) that I don't think I will as I really need to do this and walk away from his life. He said he understand. It is so hard but I determine to do this. I am happy we have LS to turn to. Sorry for rambling. Wish me luck and let's hope for the strength I need for getting through this.
GreenEyedLady Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 I have the same question. Mine was caught 2 months back. I try to end it but he wants to keep me but nothing's the same, he can't/won't talk about emotional stuff, the support I had from him is gone. He expects me to sit and wait and take it and I don't think I can much longer. Why are you waiting? What are you getting out of it? YOU have the power here, use it! Make the terms and if he doesn't like it, then leave...see what he does then...if he truly loves you, he'll agree to the terms...if not, he's not worth your time... If you're sick of it and ready to move on, then just move on...
frannie Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 Well, he isn't not allowed to talk about it, I just don't bring it up, so he doesn't bring it up. I need closure but at the same time, I miss him. I was shocked when he emailed me, not really complaining, I mean after all the last thing I said to him 6 months ago was to have a nice f**king life I didn't expect to hear from him again. I am still in limbo. Dunno what to say, or what I want from him. OK so you're letting him avoid the 'elephant in the room', then. Well are you doing that because you're hoping it will go away too..? You miss him, you didn't expect to hear from him and now you have, and I suppose it's obvious (is it?) that you wish things were different, and hope they might be and and and... and all that is really 'dangerous' because it really is obvious that they haven't changed at all. He's doing what a lot of MM do when there has been an 'ending'... making contact again and seeing if he still has an 'in'... All you have to do is decide if he does or he doesn't. So... do you want an affair or not? I think the most pain I see on this board, my own included, is about wishing things were different and hoping they'll change. Really, that's so bad... because it's gambling on things we have no control over, or staking our happiness on someone else's decision. Get straight in your mind what you want, and what you don't want... it's not about what he'll do, or change... but whether what is on offer is enough for you. If it is... then go for it. If it's not, then walk away. Limbo is a really nasty place to live.
PoshPrincess Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Stardust I feel the same way that after my MM got caught and he still wants me, I feel that it's not the same. The emotional stuff seems to fade and fade. And it hurts so bad because before this it was like we have everything and we can always share everything! That is exactly what happened with me and my exMM. To start with, he was convinced he would be leaving his W, but as time went on this got less and less likely until the last 'I love you' from him last July. And it hurts like HELL! What I wouldn't give for him to call me and tell me that now. But what would be the point? There would be nothing to be gained by it unless he was going to leave and he knows that. There was no closure with us though; it's all unfinished business. I just wish something could happen to make me dislike him. Also, because he is so damn attractive (IMO, LOL!) I still fancy him like mad which doesn't help. Bad Monkey, as everyone else has told you, you have to decide what you want out of this. I can't give you the beenfit of my experience as I keep f*cking up royally. Just to say that if/when you make a NC decision, stick to it, for your own sanity. Don't go back on your word as I have done so many times. It makes you feel worse! I guess I should be grateful to my MM that at least HE has been strong!
Onelife Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Badmonkey, I hope you are doing better now. I am still struggling with this. Though I am determined to stop being the OW but having him still contact me has weakened me a lot. My situation is I cannot cut the phone contact from him so I still get calls from him and that is not a healthy thing......no answer for myself,,,not now anyway. PP, I read some of your previous threads (the first two...so I may not get the whole story yet) and your story is soooooooooo much the same. I guess a lot of people would say that they are all some old same old but your case and mine ARE sooooo very similar. But wow it's been almost a year now, right? that you and him are over. It seems to me that you are still not over him. Please correct me if I am wrong. I feel your pain PP. I really really do. Hope this doesn't make you feel bad in anyway.
Marielle Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 Stardust I feel the same way that after my MM got caught and he still wants me, I feel that it's not the same. The emotional stuff seems to fade and fade. And it hurts so bad because before this it was like we have everything and we can always share everything! I guess we have two ways out of this. One, stay the same (be there for him) let's the feelings fade and start to turn us off little by little then eventually we will feel so numb and worthless and will walk away from him eventually or he will walk away from us because it's not fun anymore. Two, end it now on our term and have our power back while we can. To be honest with you, I really don't quite know the answer myself. But I just did the no. two choice and end it with my MM on my own term. I told him I can't sit here and wait for him and/or hope for his M to fail. I can't stay in the picture if he already made decision to stay (he said for the kids). I tried to end it many times before and we've been through NC a few times but always come back to the same old way. This time I see the clearer picture now that I rather walk when I am still a beautiful picture in his mind than when I turn myself into something not so extraordinary. He asked me to please never forget about him and still said that I can call him anytime during this weekend if I want to (even right after I told him I need to walk away from his life and have NC). I told him (hard to do) that I don't think I will as I really need to do this and walk away from his life. He said he understand. It is so hard but I determine to do this. I am happy we have LS to turn to. Sorry for rambling. Wish me luck and let's hope for the strength I need for getting through this. One, once again you put into words exactly how I feel, you re so right about walking away when your "still beautiful" in hist mind, ppl tell me I can rather stay untill my love fades for him, but that's horrible!!!!
Onelife Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 I know it's the right love at the wrong time (also the wrong person for that matter) but I will always treasure what I had(/have?) with him. The memories will always be that beautiful for me. I just know that things like this doesn't come around much or not at all in a life time....well for me it's 30 something years. Though things had/have to end for all reasons, I rather leave when I am still SOMEONE SPECIAL, or you can say in my own term, for him. I just cannot let the downhill feeling erase the good time we had. At the end of the day, good memories and lesson learned will be what I take with me. Oh and never again on my "ONELIFE" I will sleep with a married man. Just my two cents....
PoshPrincess Posted June 6, 2007 Posted June 6, 2007 PP, I read some of your previous threads (the first two...so I may not get the whole story yet) and your story is soooooooooo much the same. I guess a lot of people would say that they are all some old same old but your case and mine ARE sooooo very similar. But wow it's been almost a year now, right? that you and him are over. It seems to me that you are still not over him. Please correct me if I am wrong. I feel your pain PP. I really really do. Hope this doesn't make you feel bad in anyway. Hey One Life, no, you haven't made me feel bad and you are SO right. I am not over him in the slightest. We have not been 'together' in the true sense for over a year now but weren't totally finished until last October. I started seeing SG shortly after. We were in touch until January of this year and although I have bumped into him a couple of times, if I try to contact him he never responds. Mutual friends tell me he is doing this for my own good, that he still feels the same but as he 'can't' leave his W and kids he doesn't want to put me through anymore heartache. How very admirable of him! I would rather him tell me to 'do one' and leave him alone as he won't ever want me (even if he doesn't mean it) but he won't. He won't even change his mobile number which is the only way I can contact him! Last time I tried to make contact was three weeks ago and I can feel myself getting weaker by the day! I have never had a problem moving on from Rs in the past but this is SO different. Sorry, BadMonkey, don't want to hijack your thread! You are both welcome to PM me if you like.
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