Taking the last name

[a4a]

Boy need more coffee for this one.

 

 

 

It makes the man feel good to have a woman with his last name.............WHO CARES.......except the actual couple. Mind your own damn business. Who are you to belittle those that do or don't swap names....... oh that's right you are so perfect yourself.

 

Get off your high horse from both sides and quit pointing your fingers and saying people are lesser beings, doomed, and part of the equality problem because name swapping is bad or good.

 

The only right answer is what is right for that individual couple. Attempts to validate your own decisions by putting down others choices (that have no affect on you) is just sad.

 

I gotta say it is very insulting to have a person tell you that your M is doomed because as a couple you have decided not to swap names.

 

That is just a crappy thing to do.

 

Do you walk up to people and tell them because you like the color red they need to wear that color too - or else they are doomed or lesser beings?

[IpAncA]

It makes the man feel good to have a woman with his last name.............WHO CARES.......except the actual couple. Mind your own damn business. Who are you to belittle those that do or don't swap names....... oh that's right you are so perfect yourself.

 

Get off your high horse from both sides and quit pointing your fingers and saying people are lesser beings, doomed, and part of the equality problem because name swapping is bad or good.

 

The only right answer is what is right for that individual couple. Attempts to validate your own decisions by putting down others choices (that have no affect on you) is just sad.

 

I gotta say it is very insulting to have a person tell you that your M is doomed because as a couple you have decided not to swap names.

 

That is just a crappy thing to do.

 

Yep I agree.

[IpAncA]

Two things I got from this post.

 

1) You think "The man of the house" is more important than the woman and that the man makes the decions.

2) "I place no one above higher than her"... except of course yourself.

 

That's one problem with most men... a misplaced sense of importance.

Sounds like a one-sided family which IMO doesn't work well. That is unless she's willing to accept that. I don't but I have seen some that do.

 

In a sense yeah he's the head but I don't follow "what he says goes no matter what."

[DutchGuy]

I don't know what it's like in the US, but in the Netherlands little girls that have a crush write their first name with the crush's last name on all their belongings.

It's a romantic thought; a big wedding, a white dress, a nice house, kids and HIS last name .

 

By the way, it's also very common for women over here to write their name combined:

 

Jane Johnson married to John Smith: Jane Smith-Johnson.

[a4a]

How did that go?

 

If the man is the head of the family....... the woman is the neck. :p

[IpAncA]

I don't know what it's like in the US, but in the Netherlands little girls that have a crush write their first name with the crush's last name on all their belongings.

 

I did that when I was little. I'd sit in class, write OUR name and then draw hearts and stuff around it.

 

I know there's other things but I can't remember.

 

Oh I know what they do now. There's that site where you can have a fake wedding or something. You can even print out a certificate with your names. I just hope they don't show it to the guy their obsessing about.

[Lizzie60]

LOL, I dont know but if I am the man of the house I would happen to say no. Because that's just it. I'm the man. She's the woman. Hello earth to you!!!lol. Too much independance is a bad thing when it comes to marriage, because one day you wake up and you realize this man isnt spending much time with me, he's always working, he puts his career first, he listens to his momma more than me. Next thing the woman says after that is: why the hell did we get married?

 

The man could wake up and say the inverse as well. Too much independant behavior can kill a marriage. And if she wants to go against tradition I'd have to look at her like she farted in the car.

 

See it is an honor if she took my last name. I am deeply honored if she did. She is my earth, my queen. I place no one above higher than her. She is the co-captain of my team.

 

That is why I would like her to take my last name. Why wouldnt she if she couldnt feel the same?

 

I am the man of the house I would happen to say no

Because that's just it. I'm the man. She's the woman.

She is the co-captain of my team.

Why wouldnt she if she couldnt feel the same?

 

Ha-hem.... no comments!

[Lizzie60]

well we don't want our mom's maiden names. have you ever thought of that?? If I had my mom's maiden name as my last name i'd be soooo embarrased.

 

Why would that be embarassing?

[a4a]

Why would that be embarassing?

 

I can only guess that the name was something like "Turdburglar" or

 

"Boobykins"........

 

Mr. Turdburglar they need you in the rear, please go to the rear of the building.

[Chrome Barracuda]

I am the man of the house I would happen to say no

Because that's just it. I'm the man. She's the woman.

She is the co-captain of my team.

Why wouldnt she if she couldnt feel the same?

 

Ha-hem.... no comments!

 

 

I'm the man, co-captain of our team let me re-phrase it. That's the way I wanted it to sound, anyway's it takes too and your trying to say I'm absorbed and selfish and whatnot, The marriage thing and taking the last name has been going on for generations. Now the way I see it, Do you really want your son going to school with the mother's last name knowing full and well that hey isnt his parents married? I guess his momma wears the pant's in the that house. That little boy is gonna be embarassed.

 

Men has always taken care of their women when they married them. It's not such of a big deal if she takes the last name. If she doesnt it shows too much independant thought and that is not what a marriage makes. Independant means="Me" Monogamous Marriage means="We"

 

Get it. damn!

[a4a]

No men don't "take care of the women"....... maybe in the days of old but even then the women were out working in the fields, and working just as hard as men to keep the family fed.

 

Unless of course it was a "well off" family.

 

In this world 2 income households are the norm, and it is said over and over again that women bear the burden of the majority of household work as well......... so please explain again how men take care of women then and now? And how this applies to the right/or reason that a women needs to dispose of her own name to her husband?

 

As for children.... I had a different last name than my remarried parents... never an ounce of embarrassment.... thought never even crossed my mind growing up. And I grew up in the olden days.......

 

Now this could be reworded to say I would appreciate it if my wife would take my name, it would mean the world to me if she did.

 

Not: that bitch owes me at least that..... I pay her way and take care of her.

[Lizzie60]

I'm the man, co-captain of our team let me re-phrase it. That's the way I wanted it to sound, anyway's it takes too and your trying to say I'm absorbed and selfish and whatnot, The marriage thing and taking the last name has been going on for generations. Now the way I see it, Do you really want your son going to school with the mother's last name knowing full and well that hey isnt his parents married? I guess his momma wears the pant's in the that house. That little boy is gonna be embarassed.

 

Men has always taken care of their women when they married them. It's not such of a big deal if she takes the last name. If she doesnt it shows too much independant thought and that is not what a marriage makes. Independant means="Me" Monogamous Marriage means="We"

 

Get it. damn!

 

alright... but this way of thinking is waaayyyy too narrow-minded for me...

the son being embarassed by the mother's name... Independant = Me.... geeezzzz

 

never mind!

[Woggle]

I think that deep down even if they will never admit it most women like being taken care of once in a while. Women like when a man can take the driver's seat and be the strong one sometimes. It seems that women tend to respect men in that role more often. I have known independent career minded American women who married foreign men because these men still have the old school chivalrous atitude that American men have lost for the most part.

[a4a]

I think that deep down even if they will never admit it most women like being taken care of once in a while. Women like when a man can take the driver's seat and be the strong one sometimes. It seems that women tend to respect men in that role more often. I have known independent career minded American women who married foreign men because these men still have the old school chivalrous atitude that American men have lost for the most part.

 

Sure that is great on occassion..... hell if all I had to do is get up and worry about my skin care and hair..... my life would be easy. I do know and work with women who have this in their life. Biggest worry is what to wear to dinner that night.

 

But it usually does not go that way without paying a price for it. That same woman does not have a say if she wants to spend money on something she wants for the home..... or what car she wants...... I know one that lies and does things because that is the only way she can get them done..... hell she hides our invoices from her H..... shreds credit card statements.

 

Huge difference between being with a chivalrous man and one who controls the entire M by holding the purse strings or control through his attitude of entitlement of being the "boss". The Buck Stops Here.

 

Grocery allowance, clothing allowance........ yeah, the olden days.

 

Oddly though some men that want to be the Head also expect their women to do their share....if not bring home half or more of the bacon, they also expect them to fry it and do the dishes.

 

If that is considered "taken care of".......... I don't want that.

 

I would buy the bacon for both of us and pay someone to fry it and do the dishes...... then I could say "I take care of my Husband" and maybe I would feel entitled or think it is reasonable that he should indeed take MY last name.

[allina]

A little off topic, but allina- you will have beautiful children!!!

 

Thanks sb

We're not sure if we want any little ones but if we do I agree

[IpAncA]

Do you really want your son going to school with the mother's last name knowing full and well that hey isnt his parents married? I guess his momma wears the pant's in the that house. That little boy is gonna be embarassed.

 

Because of a last name difference? I guess you care what others think.

[sb129]

How will the kids even know that is his mums name?

 

Kids care about power rangers, barbies and cookies, not whose last name they have.

 

In 2007, a significant proportion of kids will not be living with a married mom AND dad in the same house.

[shamen]

This is a culturally specific American issue (and any other country where one last name is the norm).

 

People's last names world-wide are not just patriarchal. In Latin America/Spain, a child takes both last names. This tradition has translated to a hyphenated name here during the course of our American history (not necessarily from the Latino/Hispanic tradition, i.e. the women's rights movement) for families who choose this route for various reasons.

 

If I have kids, my child will have both last names, my husband's and mine, with the father's last name first in the Latino/Hispanic tradition.

 

Just another thought, to the OP. (I stated earlier that I would also have two last names when I get married; I'll add his to mine. My sister kept her last name and her baby has her husband's.)

[IpAncA]

This is a culturally specific American issue (and any other country where one last name is the norm).

 

People's last names world-wide are not just patriarchal. In Latin America/Spain, a child takes both last names. This tradition has translated to a hyphenated name here during the course of our American history (not necessarily from the Latino/Hispanic tradition, i.e. the women's rights movement) for families who choose this route for various reasons.

 

If I have kids, my child will have both last names, my husband's and mine, with the father's last name first in the Latino/Hispanic tradition.

 

Just another thought, to the OP. (I stated earlier that I would also have two last names when I get married; I'll add his to mine. My sister kept her last name and her baby has her husband's.)

 

Thanks.

 

Hyphenated seems to solve it if there's a dispute.

[Enema]

The marriage thing and taking the last name has been going on for generations.

 

...for generations women weren't allowed to vote... why'd we change that?

 

Because it's wrong! Traditions are not always a good thing.

 

Do you really want your son going to school with the mother's last name knowing full and well that hey isnt his parents married? I guess his momma wears the pant's in the that house. That little boy is gonna be embarassed.

 

The last name of your children (If you even choose to have any) is a whole other question. They can take the fathers, mothers or both names... and there's no embarassment in using your mothers' name unless you're ashamed of her!

 

Men has always taken care of their women when they married them. It's not such of a big deal if she takes the last name. If she doesnt it shows too much independant thought and that is not what a marriage makes. Independant means="Me" Monogamous Marriage means="We"

 

1) Men don't "take care of" their women anymore... you're living in the past!

2) You say "We" but you expect Her to make all the sacrifices... what a great partnership!

[green-eyed beauty]

I think that deep down even if they will never admit it most women like being taken care of once in a while. Women like when a man can take the driver's seat and be the strong one sometimes. It seems that women tend to respect men in that role more often. I have known independent career minded American women who married foreign men because these men still have the old school chivalrous atitude that American men have lost for the most part.

 

A to the Men with that. Where are the men who know how to be men? am I going to have to go abroad, also, to find one?

[Curmudgeon]

A to the Men with that. Where are the men who know how to be men? am I going to have to go abroad, also, to find one?

 

We still exist. The fact that I was/am an old-school gentleman is one of the things that my wife truly appreciated and admired when we started dating.

 

I know I'm not the only one out there. It's not a lost art!

[alphamale]

The fact that I was/am an old-school gentleman

what exactly does that involve?

[Touche]

We still exist. The fact that I was/am an old-school gentleman is one of the things that my wife truly appreciated and admired when we started dating.

 

I know I'm not the only one out there. It's not a lost art!

 

Nope, you're not at all. I have one too!

 

Can I tell a story? Three weeks before my H and I met, his stepdad died. This was a man who was in his life from the time he was a teenager until he was in his late 30's.

 

So anyway, this man died. We meet three weeks later. During that time he tells me all about his family including the fact that his step dad died three weeks earlier. He says lots of great things about everyone and tells me how much he loves them all.

 

Anyway, fast forward to a time shortly afterwards when I was at his house one night and noticed something I hadn't observed on previous visits...these black marks all over the walls of his house. I asked him about them.

 

Guess what they were? They were marks from the wheelchair of his stepdad. He moved him in to live with him right after his mom died three years before. He had no children of his own. No family other than his four step-daughters and his one step-son.

 

My H was that stepson. He took him in and he fed him, bathed him loved and cared for him until he died right before we met.

 

And it was in that moment that I fell in love with him. It was not only the fact that he did that for his stepdad but it was also the fact that he never crowed about it either...hell, he not only didn't brag about it, I'm firmly convinced that had I not asked about the marks on the walls, he would have never told me that he even took care of his stepdad over those last few years.

 

So no. "Old-school gentlemen" are still very much around...but I think I may have snagged one of the last ones!:love:

[lonelybird]

So no. "Old-school gentlemen" are still very much around...but I think I may have snagged one of the last ones!:love:

:(:( no one left