nerdie Posted May 21, 2007 Posted May 21, 2007 I'm 26, X's 25 and we've been together for 3yrs and 9mths, it was our first relationship We broke up a week ago. It was a 1.5yr long courtship prior to getting together but when we finally did, we both thought that we will get married and all that. Pretty young to think that way but well, we weren't all that wrong i guess. Everything was right, the love, the respect and care that we shared for each other. We didn't so much raise our voices at each other. About 7mths ago, i started to be in contact again with one of my female friends, and we hung out a bit more, did running and stuff, nothing more. No physical/visual cheating but emotionally yes. But we nvr laid anything out in the open, and eventually we agreed to stop it. I told XN about it and we hit a rough patch, but she loved me too much and forgave me. It taught me that i was capable even though i didn't. 1 mth ago, i met someone else, H who was 21, whom i else passionate about, and she felt likewise for me. We knew it was wrong as we were both attached. The attraction and feeling was so strong that we couldn't help it. So we held hands and kissed. Yes i cheated, spiritually i have. Nopes, no sex, but that was enough. I broke up with X but she refused to, she said she forgave me and wanted to start afresh but i couldn't, even as H was telling me that i should give it another shot with X. I knew that with X i'll have a stable future, financially comfortable and we probably can get married and live the rest of our lives, but there was no passion anymore With H there's a lot of passion and i probably can live with her as well but we may not be as financially comfortable and we'll make do. Which is more impt, love/care/respect or passion. I want passion, but i don't want to hurt X so badly as well.
whichwayisup Posted May 21, 2007 Posted May 21, 2007 I think you need to be alone and stop jumping from girl to girl. You're comparing the two and you're not even in a relationship with H yet... Just remember, that passion and lust that is there at the beginning of relationships eventually fades. Love, respect and caring doesn't just disappear. But - IF you don't feel that passion for your ex anymore, and you're already seeing the future without her in it, then it's time to end things. It's unfair to your ex to keep her hanging on, while you figure out if you love her enough to be married to her. Don't stay with ex out of fear of hurting her, that will hurt her much more.
jcster Posted May 21, 2007 Posted May 21, 2007 I knew that with X i'll have a stable future, financially comfortable and we probably can get married and live the rest of our lives, but there was no passion anymore I think that your relationship with X has run it's course. Your head's in the game, but your heart has already moved on. 2 "sortof" affairs in close succession doesn't just happen - you're responding to a lack in your relationship. Marriage is hard work - harder than you can imagine. If you are already conflicted, then do not marry this person.
Author nerdie Posted May 22, 2007 Author Posted May 22, 2007 I think that your relationship with X has run it's course. Your head's in the game, but your heart has already moved on. 2 "sortof" affairs in close succession doesn't just happen - you're responding to a lack in your relationship. Marriage is hard work - harder than you can imagine. If you are already conflicted, then do not marry this person. I've nvr seen it in that light before, that 2 'sortof' affairs could indicate something more deep rooted between X and I... Thanks, really insightful of you..
Author nerdie Posted May 22, 2007 Author Posted May 22, 2007 I think you need to be alone and stop jumping from girl to girl. You're comparing the two and you're not even in a relationship with H yet... Just remember, that passion and lust that is there at the beginning of relationships eventually fades. Love, respect and caring doesn't just disappear. But - IF you don't feel that passion for your ex anymore, and you're already seeing the future without her in it, then it's time to end things. It's unfair to your ex to keep her hanging on, while you figure out if you love her enough to be married to her. Don't stay with ex out of fear of hurting her, that will hurt her much more. You're right, i agree that passion/lust will fade with time, it's pretty scary.. However i feel that i'm still kind of young, and i still want to feel passion, i want to feel alive... Not yet ready to settle down for a stable love/respect/care long term relationship, although that's what i want in the long run...
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