Don't know what to do!!!

[kris]

This is what's been going on. A few months ago I started discussing personal things with a male friend of mine. Take into consideration that we were both married at the time. Right after we started talking we both filed for divorce. Mine is already final but he's still going through a custody battle for his three children. I was lucky my ex gave me full custody of our children. My ex now knows that something had been going on and I've been truthful with him that all we did was talk. We never had the chance to be intimate with each other until here lately, but with 5 kids around all of the time it's hard. I help him out as much as I can I keep his kids at night while he's working and I cook meals and little things his wife should've been doing all along but wasn't. She was one of those that is always looking for a good time and doesn't care who she hurts in the long run especially her kids. I'm one of those people who loves kids and right now not only hve I fallen for this man but his kids also. The problem is that before we were divorced he was always there but now it seems like he's lost interest. We spend a lot of time together. When we are kidless we go to the movies and run around together, but he doesn't touch me anymore or make the innuedoes that he use to. He is always complimenting me on the kind of person I am and how great he thinks I am. I know that he's scared to do anything because of the kids (who are having a rough time right now without their mother). He thinks that it will hurt his case in court if we become intimate but it doesn't bother him to sleep over at my house. Am I missing something or is he sending me mixed signals? What should I do? Should I make the first move? Or should I wait until his divorce is final and see what happens?

[jkj]

Not only should you wait until the divorce is final, you should wait until you have resolved your feelings for your ex-husband and he for his wife. Here you are newly divorced and are already cooking and taking of the kids for another man.

 

I would suggest that you take this time and focus on yourself and your own children (who are also going through the divorce). Do you think that your children are ready to see you pursue another man?

 

More importantly, are you ready? I know this sounds a little scary, believe it or not, it is for most people- but take this time to be alone with yourself and your kids. What you are in need of is solitude right now. You should be looking at yourself and defining ( or redefining) who you really are, what are your priorities, what are your beliefs, what do I have to offer for my next relationship, what do I lack, and finally-what could make me an even better mother than I already am?

 

I guarantee you, in the future-you will prosper from this time and what you can learn from it. Your prosperity may come in the form of raising healthy happy and successful children with solid futures, or it may be a stronger spiritual or mental or physical health, or it may be in the form of the most wonderful man you'd ever imagined falling in love with you. But you have to prepare now.

 

I say forget about your new friend on the romantic level, for all you know- it may have been the excitement of having a secret relationship. Dont' worry about him, you worry about you and yours.

 

Good Luck to you.

This is what's been going on. A few months ago I started discussing personal things with a male friend of mine. Take into consideration that we were both married at the time. Right after we started talking we both filed for divorce. Mine is already final but he's still going through a custody battle for his three children. I was lucky my ex gave me full custody of our children. My ex now knows that something had been going on and I've been truthful with him that all we did was talk. We never had the chance to be intimate with each other until here lately, but with 5 kids around all of the time it's hard. I help him out as much as I can I keep his kids at night while he's working and I cook meals and little things his wife should've been doing all along but wasn't. She was one of those that is always looking for a good time and doesn't care who she hurts in the long run especially her kids. I'm one of those people who loves kids and right now not only hve I fallen for this man but his kids also. The problem is that before we were divorced he was always there but now it seems like he's lost interest. We spend a lot of time together. When we are kidless we go to the movies and run around together, but he doesn't touch me anymore or make the innuedoes that he use to. He is always complimenting me on the kind of person I am and how great he thinks I am. I know that he's scared to do anything because of the kids (who are having a rough time right now without their mother). He thinks that it will hurt his case in court if we become intimate but it doesn't bother him to sleep over at my house. Am I missing something or is he sending me mixed signals? What should I do? Should I make the first move? Or should I wait until his divorce is final and see what happens?

[art]

If you think that you want to stay close to him, consider backing off a little bit and see how he responds. Make sure that you busy yourself with things that you really enjoy doing when he isn't around. You might need to learn how to keep yourself happy rather than feel insecure about your relationship. If he is losing interest in you, he won't notice that you haven't been around. But if he does, he'll try to get in touch with you. Of course, if he doesn't, then maybe you will have to have a talk with him about what's wrong.

 

Of course this will be a trying time for him if he is having custody battles. It's cruel. The children are objectified.

[Lil Bit]

If you think that you want to stay close to him, consider backing off a little bit and see how he responds. Make sure that you busy yourself with things that you really enjoy doing when he isn't around. You might need to learn how to keep yourself happy rather than feel insecure about your relationship. If he is losing interest in you, he won't notice that you haven't been around. But if he does, he'll try to get in touch with you. Of course, if he doesn't, then maybe you will have to have a talk with him about what's wrong. Of course this will be a trying time for him if he is having custody battles. It's cruel. The children are objectified.

It sounds to me like he has a automatic babysitter and maybe he was just looking for an out. On the other hand divorce puts you and your kids through a whirlwind. Be careful dont fall to much. He may not get divorced but wants his cake and eat it to.