shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 To the BSs: you ladies seem to blame the OWs for your H's A. What you seem to forget is that it takes two to tango and your H is 50% responsible for the betrayal!!!!!!!! As an xOW, I do realize that I was 100% wrong but I will only accept 50% of the responsibility! My H has paid for his part. When the ho he cheated with realizes her part and takes responsibility for her part (not just against me but other BWs she's wronged), then I'll know she's changed for the better.
Tomcat33 Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I can't believe with your statement above (If my H picked the town whore to cheat on me it would change him in my eyes for ever he would no longer deserve to be with a woman like myself.) that you can even say that to me. You were with someone else's H, and didn't he go back to her whenever he left your side, or was he seperated? He was M when he was coming to you. There was no D, was there, before the A began? No there was no D I don't get your point thought...!?!? Does that also make me the town skank according to your way of seeing things? Oh yes I can say that I wouldn no longer be involved with any man who dumped me for the town trampl!!! If a man I am involved with can temporarily trade me in for the lowest of the low type woman, he deserves to be with her not me. I love myself WAY more than I love any man...sorry.
Tomcat33 Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 The only quality time he took from me and our kids really wasn't taken from us. The skank lived on the way to work, and so he would stop on his way thru, spend a few minutes then head on to work. So, no he took no quality time from us. He knew what he was going for and did it, then zipped up and left. I don't live the anger for this "whore" everyday, but when I do speak of her (this is the only place I do really) I call her what she is. My character is not flawed because I took back a"cheater" ,simply because he doesn't cheat anymore. If he continued to be one you can bet he'd be history. He's proven what he did was stupid. He's faithful and I'm glad I gave him another chance. Ther is no X before the H. Oh ok he didnd't take any "quality time" from you then that makes it all ok!! C'mon Shelly, he was touching kissing and making love to another woman when he was supposed to be doing that with YOU. How could you say he did not deprive you of quality time? He was saying things to her that were not apropriate, he was emotionally reaching out to her instead of you. You don't consider that taking quality time taken away from you? WOW you seem awfully accomodating with this man... And when he WAS at home he probably walked around like a zombie because his mind was elsewhere.....c'mon!! seriously Shell rethink your statement. Sounds like you make some serious excuses for your H.
shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I agree with the spirit of what you said. Although - I don't know agree with percentages which tend to derail a very important point. Namely that there is "likely" to be "some" accountability on the BS. I see a tendancy here, from many, to resist any accountability at all. And many will even flame anyone who suggests that the BS might have contibuted to the problem. Naw, I won't flame ya, just tell ya you're dead wrong. In my case anyway.
shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 No there was no D I don't get your point thought...!?!? Does that also make me the town skank according to your way of seeing things? Oh yes I can say that I wouldn no longer be involved with any man who dumped me for the town trampl!!! If a man I am involved with can temporarily trade me in for the lowest of the low type woman, he deserves to be with her not me. I love myself WAY more than I love any man...sorry. Wow, the skank said the same thing to me when I confronted her, then she went out with another mm some days later. LOL Of course, I don't know you, but I do know her and she needed a man to pay her bills.
BurriedAlive Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 It really made me laugh today when I seen W going into KFC in the middle of the afternoon and, get this, she had a Scrunchy in her hair!!!!! A Scrunchy! I guess a girl has to take laughs when she can get them!
shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Oh ok he didnd't take any "quality time" from you then that makes it all ok!! C'mon Shelly, he was touching kissing and making love to another woman when he was supposed to be doing that with YOU. How could you say he did not deprive you of quality time? He was saying things to her that were not apropriate, he was emotionally reaching out to her instead of you. You don't consider that taking quality time taken away from you? WOW you seem awfully accomodating with this man... And when he WAS at home he probably walked around like a zombie because his mind was elsewhere.....c'mon!! seriously Shell rethink your statement. Sounds like you make some serious excuses for your H. Aww, the ole remind the W of all that went on in the A shtick? Sorry, that might've worked a few yrs back but I'm over that part of the A. You seem to be acting just like the stereotypical "OW". What's next, should I be wondering where my H is, who's he with, when not with me? ROTFLMAO There was no emotion to the A, btw. It was a piece. A bj and a zip up and buh-bye. There is no excuse for cheating. I haven't made any excuses for him, just basically put down his bad taste in an OW. He's paid the price. A zombie? LOL I don't remember him being a zombie...
Tomcat33 Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Wow, the skank said the same thing to me when I confronted her, then she went out with another mm some days later. LOL Of course, I don't know you, but I do know her and she needed a man to pay her bills. Well quite frankly this may have been what your husband's other woman said to you but I am nothing like your H's OW if that is what you are trying to imply....but I'm sure you paint us all with the same brush. Then again I don't really care to justy myself to you I know what and who I am and that's good enough for me. I also know that because I know myself well enough I know for a fact that if a man I chose to be with picked a low-life type woman to have an A on me with he would NOT stand a chance with me after that. I don't care how much I love the guy it's just inexcusable, that to me it wouls say that he equates me on the same level as trash and if that is his perception of me, basically that he would not mind losing me to trash then I really would want nothing to do with him. Why would I want to forgive someone who thinks so low of me? That is the way I see it. Sorry but I do think I am better than that!! Call me selfish but that's how I am.
shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 It really made me laugh today when I seen W going into KFC in the middle of the afternoon and, get this, she had a Scrunchy in her hair!!!!! A Scrunchy! I guess a girl has to take laughs when she can get them! Scrunchy? What's so funny about that? A hairband is funny?
Lizzie60 Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 H's xOW was 6 yrs younger than me, but since she spent most of the year tanning, she looked 10 yrs older than me. So, IMO, if a guy's gonna cheat, he's gonna do it with the one that's easiest, not better looking. Sorry, but, most cases are the OW is not better looking. Just easier to get @#$%^ from. You say: Sorry, but, most cases are the OW is not better looking. Just easier to get @#$%^ from. ha-hem...that should be the opposite... sex at home should be a lot more available... no?
shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Well quite frankly this may have been what your husband's other woman said to you but I am nothing like your H's OW if that is what you are trying to imply....but I'm sure you paint us all with the same brush. Then again I don't really care to justy myself to you I know what and who I am and that's good enough for me. I also know that because I know myself well enough I know for a fact that if a man I chose to be with picked a low-life type woman to have an A on me with he would NOT stand a chance with me after that. I don't care how much I love the guy it's just inexcusable, that to me it wouls say that he equates me on the same level as trash and if that is his perception of me, basically that he would not mind losing me to trash then I really would want nothing to do with him. Why would I want to forgive someone who thinks so low of me? That is the way I see it. Sorry but I do think I am better than that!! Call me selfish but that's how I am. No, I doubt very much if you are like her. God, I hope not. I don't need another psycho ho around me. i don't have an opinion of you at all. I read your posts and I answer them. I say it as I see it. That's the kinda girl I am. I care not at all what you think about my decision to stay with a H who loves me. He f'd up once and he's proven his worthiness to me in the last 6 yrs. Sorry you don't see my point. I guess you don't see my point anymore than I see the point of sleeping with another woman's H.
Babybird Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Scrunchy? What's so funny about that? A hairband is funny? Scrunchies went out of style a few years ago. Now its just hair bands, no scrunch. I was upset went this happened because I had a ton of scrunchies coordinated with my favorite outfits, shirts etc. Very traumatic! LOL
shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 You say: Sorry, but, most cases are the OW is not better looking. Just easier to get @#$%^ from. ha-hem...that should be the opposite... sex at home should be a lot more available... no? Do you know any men? Where have you been all your life, a convent?
shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Scrunchies went out of style a few years ago. Now its just hair bands, no scrunch. I was upset went this happened because I had a ton of scrunchies coordinated with my favorite outfits, shirts etc. Very traumatic! LOL I've never done the scrunchie, then. Sorry, the joke went over my head. (pun intended)
Tomcat33 Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I guess you don't see my point anymore than I see the point of sleeping with another woman's H. NOW I see your point!! LOL Oh brooother a scrunchie? LOL YIKES!!! Well in her defense, some men don't seem to notice stuff like that...so she might still get tons of millage out of those darn paisley velvety things LOL
mopar crazy Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Scrunchies are not popular here at all. But the hairband are pretty popular. Anyhow, I don't hold the OW all the blame, she gets 75% of the blame from me. She was the one that pursued him for three years. Even when she living w/ her BF that she just had a child w/. Even after they got M she pursued my H. This skank knew he was M, had children, she even knew my children and myself. I couldn't go in to see H at work w/o that backstabbing bitch literally running up to me to talk. She even gave me a hug one day. It was not returned. All I wanted to do was when she did that. I tried avoiding her but it was no use. I tried walking away from her, she would follow me into H's office talking to me. She even asked me a few times to babysit her child. She was trying to use me to get closer to H. So, yes I blame her more. H could of said no to her flirting and advancements and he did for 3 years until she pursued even harder. She even asked him if he had problems w/ premature ejaculation b/c her own H did. That was none of her damn business and she is a total skank for even asking it! H's sex life was/is none of her damn business and I know H was appalled by her even asking him that. She had the nerve to ask him at work one day "Have you ever thought about having an A w/ someone from work?" H ignored her. It was shortly after that their A started. Skank just pushed, and pushed and pushed herself on H until our M was going down fast due to his drinking. I was not the W he wanted b/c of his drinking. Well, I don't know any W who would pay attention or give up sex all the time for a man who was a drunk and didn't take his H/father responsibilities serious. In no way do I blame myself for his A. He chose to drink and be a jerk and I wasn't going to be the loving W when he showed no respect or kindness when he was drinking, and he drank almost every night of the week. I was disgusted w/ him. I would only have sex w/ him just to get it over w/ so he would leave me alone for a day or two. Our M was in trouble b/c of his drinking so I made him quit. Less than six months he started his A. He doesn't blame me for the A, he just wanted someone to treat him like he was God's gift to woman and I wasn't going to be that woman. I told my H if we were going to reconcile our M he must go to IC and he did. He did his best to prove he was sorry and he wanted the M to work.
shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I've just always used plain old Goody's hairbands or barrettes. Must be an inside joke.
GregsBad Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Do you know any men? Where have you been all your life, a convent? You asked Lizzie this? You ARE new here aren't you?
shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I totally understand, MC. Bless you for dealing with someone like her all that time. There are those who don't understand where we are coming from, tho'. I don't think I'm trying to put anyone on this thread in the place of the xOW in my case. The only thing I relate is that they may be or might have been an OW. That I expressly disagree with and have no respect for.
shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 You asked Lizzie this? You ARE new here aren't you? No, not new, as my join date shows. i just don't get on here daily, day in and day out. Just every once in a while. Her comment was odd, about men. Mine made sense to me. LOL
Babybird Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Scrunchies are not popular here at all. But the hairband are pretty popular. Anyhow, I don't hold the OW all the blame, she gets 75% of the blame from me. She was the one that pursued him for three years. Even when she living w/ her BF that she just had a child w/. Even after they got M she pursued my H. This skank knew he was M, had children, she even knew my children and myself. I couldn't go in to see H at work w/o that backstabbing bitch literally running up to me to talk. She even gave me a hug one day. It was not returned. All I wanted to do was when she did that. I tried avoiding her but it was no use. I tried walking away from her, she would follow me into H's office talking to me. She even asked me a few times to babysit her child. She was trying to use me to get closer to H. So, yes I blame her more. H could of said no to her flirting and advancements and he did for 3 years until she pursued even harder. She even asked him if he had problems w/ premature ejaculation b/c her own H did. That was none of her damn business and she is a total skank for even asking it! H's sex life was/is none of her damn business and I know H was appalled by her even asking him that. She had the nerve to ask him at work one day "Have you ever thought about having an A w/ someone from work?" H ignored her. It was shortly after that their A started. Skank just pushed, and pushed and pushed herself on H until our M was going down fast due to his drinking. I was not the W he wanted b/c of his drinking. Well, I don't know any W who would pay attention or give up sex all the time for a man who was a drunk and didn't take his H/father responsibilities serious. In no way do I blame myself for his A. He chose to drink and be a jerk and I wasn't going to be the loving W when he showed no respect or kindness when he was drinking, and he drank almost every night of the week. I was disgusted w/ him. I would only have sex w/ him just to get it over w/ so he would leave me alone for a day or two. Our M was in trouble b/c of his drinking so I made him quit. Less than six months he started his A. He doesn't blame me for the A, he just wanted someone to treat him like he was God's gift to woman and I wasn't going to be that woman. I told my H if we were going to reconcile our M he must go to IC and he did. He did his best to prove he was sorry and he wanted the M to work. Your R with your H sounded like mine with my exH right before we got D. I couldn't stand him, to have him touch me, to kiss me...I cringed. Ewww. Still grosses me out. We didn't have the strength or courage to try to work on it. I just wanted out! Who to blame? Both. Even if the OW is relentless there is always another option. For example the women pursuing the man at work..places of employment are required to have sexual harassment policies. Did I pursue my MM? Kind of. Did he pursue me? Yes. The whole A started as a joke. I never thought we would end up where we are today. I figured it would be a one night stand and thats it. There are the major questions that confuse all when it comes to affairs: Will he/she ever leave? Why did he/she chose that person? Are they telling the truth about their home life or just lying to get the OP in the sack? Why is it that MW usually leave for the OM but the MM rarely seems to leave for the OW? Hmmm...
Tomcat33 Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Anyhow, I don't hold the OW all the blame, she gets 75% of the blame from me. This skank knew he was M, had children, she even knew my children and myself. She was trying to use me to get closer to H. So, yes I blame her more. H could of said no to her flirting and advancements and he did for 3 years until she pursued even harder. She even asked him if he had problems w/ premature ejaculation b/c her own H did. That was none of her damn business and she is a total skank for even asking it! H's sex life was/is none of her damn business and I know H was appalled by her even asking him that. Hmmmm so let me see if I understood correctly, OW is 75% to blame. Because the "skank" knew he was married with children. And a mere 25% is your H's fault for forgettting he was married and had children. WOW that seems a fair way to break down the blame!!! So given your reasoning and because your poor H was so pursued by this evil relentless "skank" (another skank that's two skanks in one little thread) then the only thing that made your husband stray and kept you loyal was the fact that a man didn't pursue you hard enough outside of your marriage otherwise you too can see how you would be 25% to blame for having an affair on your husband? Yes you're absolutely right in one thing H could have said NO to her no matter how much she insisted. No is a word we are all equiped to use. At least you were willing to attribute 25% blame to him for not doing that. It would be a real shame to let him get away with so much, because what's next murder? Lastly he was appalled that the OW asked him about his premature ejaculate problem (prob mastrubates too much that is one of the common reasons for premature ejaculation) yet it didn't seem to appall him TOO much because he kept sleeping with her anyway.....
mopar crazy Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 Your R with your H sounded like mine with my exH right before we got D. I couldn't stand him, to have him touch me, to kiss me...I cringed. Ewww. Still grosses me out. We didn't have the strength or courage to try to work on it. I just wanted out! Yep, that was how I felt, exactly! It wasn't b/c I didn't find him attractive, it was b/c he was always drunk. And he was not a nice or funny drunk. Very loud, obnoxious, and I was embarrassed to even be around him when he was drinking.
shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I think the OW should have enough respect for ANY W to stay clear of MMs. I also think a H should have enough respect for his W to steer clear of (potential) OWs. I think it has everything to do with disrespect to the W, all the way around, and when it comes down to it, SHE is the most disrespected in of all. it's about, in the H's opinion and the OW's opinion, them and what they want. And 99% of the time it's about the sex. Now, I'm gonna climb down from my pedestal.
shellys-trying Posted June 11, 2007 Posted June 11, 2007 I think forgiving the H and forgiving the xOW is different. If the H works on his M, then that in itself is forgiveable, if the W chooses to and stays with him. On the other hand, you get an xOW who has no respect, no remorse, and isn't sorry for what she did to you, the BW and your & H's kids, then who would be "generous" to a POS like that? Not me. The only thing she deserves is the beat down from the next MM's W she sleeps with.
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