Cardinal64 Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 Hi. I know I shouldn't feel this way but ... I still miss my STBXW. Despite all the pain and heartache she has caused me as a result of her fooling around , I still long for her touch, affection and closeness. Am I a fool for thinking this way? Of course. But I can't help it . She was the the woman I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with and grow old. I know eventually my sentiments for her will fade away. So damned unfair though. What did I do to deserve this ? Was it too much to ask that she would remain faithful to me and keep our family ( we have a 6 year old son ) intact? Does anyone else feel the same? Tell me I'm not crazy for feeling this way.
azianpride143 Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 We all face the same dilemma and ask the same questions. But you cannot control her. You only have control of your life. You just need to focus on yourself and your child. That's the only thing that matters right now. We're in the same boat. The roller coaster of emotions. The reality of the betrayal is sometimes too much to handle. In the beginning the load is heavy. But it starts getting lighter and lighter as you start letting go. Your are going through withdrawals from the relationship and the flood of emotions get's overwhelming. You are not alone in what you are going through. There are several of us here who can chime in. What you are feeling right now is normal. Remember LS is a good resource. It has helped me get through this. Folks here will help you get through this as well.
Gunny376 Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 No, you're not wrong for feeling this way ~ you're going through a "withdrawal" and your wanting your "drug" ~ your wanting your high! The high that you got when you and the DW first got together, The high that you felt when you first fell in love with her. She was the the woman I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with and grow old. News flash for you there Slick! You've got to improvise, adapt, and over-come. That "model" was "in" with the Model T over a hundred years ago. That was back before "no-fault" divorces, back before the pill, back before "Women's Lib", the microwave oven, frozen TV dinners, etc. The model of marriage that you're working off of is that "women need men!" Women don't need men, and men don't need women anymore. Except to have children. Women don't need men to protect them, they've got the law and law enforcement for that. Men don't need women to cook, clean and do their laundry ~ they've got "wrinkle-free, stain free trousers now!" Then there's the media ~ Hollywerid?! In two hours those folks can solve all of life's problems ~ why can't you? The "Soaps" everyone is happy in less than an hour ~ "Why isn't my husband like that?" Somehow, someway, Hollyweird has become the "Norm" Well this ain't Dallas, you're not Sue Ellen, and I'm not J.R. turn off the damn tv, I've got to go to work tomorrow morning!
Woggle Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 You are missing a woman that didn't exist. She was a front that your ex put on and since nobody can keep up a front forever she eventually showed her true colors. Start seeing her for who she really is rather than the front she put up at first.
Unforgetable77 Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 Hi C64 Erm i seem to be in pretty much the same situation at the moment, My D will be absolute on the 24th may although very sad as it is i know that My STBEXH and I have made the right desision I could cope with the seperation when we were both angry and bitter toward each other but now that all that has passed and we now communicate, I have realised just how much i miss him, I must say tho I no longer Love him and have questioned myself on why i get these feelings when he has been round to take the kids out The only thing that i can come up with is this..... he has been part of my life for the last 15 years we have alot of history together good and bad... almost as if i have broken a HABIT and we all know how hard a habit is to break....... i have lost part of my life... even thou most of my M was a complete shambles we spent a long time together THAT is no longer there and i feel like part of me is missing No i don't think u are a fool for feeling this and i am sure if u found something or someone to take up that empty space that is there at the moment these feelings will subside You are not crazy IMO just human!! unless of course i am crazy too
geneboy73 Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 Hey, I am in the same boat and I know how you feel. I am going back and forth emotionally right now. As I have said, you miss/mourn the person she "was" when things were good. She's not the same person anymore. You miss who she was. You have to realize that person is never coming back, now you have to evolve into the next version of you. It's time to download YOU 2.0! My STBX wife is staying at her folks, I am here with my dogs and all the pictures and her ring staring at me from the dresser. All the memories hurt me, but I feel less sad every minute now. I know it's hard at times, especially when the feelings wash over you. Remember, you are gonna be in a better place. You will have to see her and you have a family to raise together still and I know that will be hard, but you will do it. Rise from the ashes my friend and begin again. There will be another to fill that void and in months the feeling will fade. Enjoy your life and fill it with the thngs YOU want. Go out with your friends and have some fun. Hell, since I told her I am done I have noticed smiles and looks from lots of ladies and that feels great to me. Don't sit around and be sad, get out and fill your time, work, exercise, and take care of YOU now. You deserve it man. It will all be better soon enough. Take care. I will be on a LOT still to bounce things back and forth with all of you in the same boat as me. -GB73 All the best
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