fallendisguise Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 Hi everyone!! This is an update to my recent posts. So I've finally moved on from the FWB situation. I took sometime off from being friends in general and did a lot of thinking and "soul searching" (for lack of a better phrase). I learned to finally accept things and to see the reality of it all. I'm ok with being friends and no longer want the relationships and don't want the benefits. I spent quite a while being miserable, but one day I guess I just woke up. I think that is great, because I thought I would never be able to escape the feelings I had. The only problem, is I feel like I've turned into him. I know right now I don't want to look for a relationship or even dating.. I'm not ready yet. I know that I would like to be able to cuddle and all that, but the scary thing is that I no longer feel like I want a relationship period. He once told me that he doesn't want the "responsibility of another person's feelings" and that is how I've started to feel. When I met him I realized that relationships are good things when with the right person and can be quite beautiful... but now I feel like I have his perspective. That relationships are drama and something that is too much work. I know that's not necessarily true, but I feel that way now. It's awful because I feel that I've lost that part of me that I was able to keep through all the bad relationships and crap I've been through. How does one change that? The thing that scares me the most is that I'll meet someone who is great and the roles will be reversed.. I'll be like him, the one who doesn't want a relationship and can't ever imagine being in one. What do I do? Has anyone ever felt that way and what did you do to overcome that?
monkey00 Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 I've had a similar butterfly effect since my last fwb. And frankly I've hit some point in my life where Im too focused on my own needs and accomplishments to be in a relationship, that is unless I meet the right person. Similarly my fwb completely altered my perspective and i turned into her, now with the notion of enjoying life and not settling down. Besides, i've met far too many people this year who are in unhappy relationships. And I can see it in them they want out/to cheat but feel trapped at the same time. So the last thing I'd want to do is compromise myself and another person by being in such a position. The thing that scares me the most is that I'll meet someone who is great and the roles will be reversed.. I'll be like him, the one who doesn't want a relationship and can't ever imagine being in one. But it can be possible you're contradicting yourself here. if the person is great, wouldnt it be worth a shot to give them a chance and see where it leads? in that effect, it would also mean that on your end you'd have to make sacrifices and invest more of yourself (and time) into the relationship. In my perspective if i met someone great, i would undoubtedly weigh the options, sacrifices, and potential. Dating is a game...and life is full of surprises so who knows what could happen!
jcster Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 I think you were just hurt by the turn of events and need time to heal up. When you are ready to be in a relationship, you'll want it again. You're just protecting yourself for now. Take a break and see if you don't feel better in a few months.
Author fallendisguise Posted May 21, 2007 Author Posted May 21, 2007 And frankly I've hit some point in my life where Im too focused on my own needs and accomplishments to be in a relationship, that is unless I meet the right person. See that's how I was before... yes I wanted a relationship then, but I wanted to focus on my school, career, etc.. and if the right one came along great! And I just don't know anymore. I guess I'm worried that I won't realize they're great because I'll be so wrapped up in my own life and have such a huge wall put up. And I think it's ironic.. that I changed his perspective to what mine was before. He said I showed him that there are great girls out there that exist and one day he would like to have that when he's ready. I'm happy for him, but I feel like it was at my cost you know? Jcster I think you're right. I am protecting myself and I guess I am hurt even though I'm not feeling it. I'm just numb to the whole thing. I hope you're both right and after time I will heal and be able to take the risk of pursuing something good. I think it makes it worse that all my girlfriends are getting married and I've been single for 4 years almost and I just went through this emotional rollercoaster with him. I didn't think this would be such an issue for someone who's in their early twenties.... but then again I don't even want it right now, so maybe it's a good thing. Thank you both for the advice.. I really do hope I come around and don't turn into someone who is incapable of feeling!
Trialbyfire Posted May 21, 2007 Posted May 21, 2007 Don't worry, we all go through times where we don't have enough inside of us to give to someone else in a relationship or otherwise. This is the "me" time. Time to get your head together and mend your emotions. Try not to go into anything too soon. From the sounds of it, you went from person to person, perhaps looking for that missing something inside of you. Once you have that inner strength back, you can again give to others.
Recommended Posts