nycelodean Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 I had admitted to a friend in college about my crush on him, and while he felt sparks he didn't have a crush on me he says. There's always been undercurrents though. About three years later, he starts pursuing me, using the crush I had on him as leverage. He explained that he wasn't available years ago because of a bad experience, yet he managed to have a crush on another girl. He said crushes don't have anything to do with looks, he's told me he thinks I'm beautiful, but he didn't like how I dressed in college (I dressed "old") I feel really ambivalent about whether I should pursue this. We also live long distance, and this is the younger guy I've talked about. What is the difference between a "crush" and "sparks" or electricity which he says we've always had. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 16, 2003 Share Posted January 16, 2003 YOU ASK: "What is the difference between a "crush" and "sparks" or electricity which he says we've always had." Always ask the person who made the statement exactly what they meant. Everybody has their own meaning and there's absolutely no way we can know what he meant. Give him a call. Forget this whole deal. Long distance relationships suck and it doesn't seem like he was all that enthusiastic about your disclosure. It seems you have wasted some time on this dude. Yes, in time when the two of you are in close proximity something could develop but I wouldn't count on it. Seek love right there where you are. I'm also glad you don't dress "old" anymore! Link to post Share on other sites
Author nycelodean Posted January 17, 2003 Author Share Posted January 17, 2003 Always ask the person who made the statement exactly what they meant. Everybody has their own meaning and there's absolutely no way we can know what he meant. Give him a call. Ok, thanks. Forget this whole deal. Long distance relationships suck and it doesn't seem like he was all that enthusiastic about your disclosure. It seems you have wasted some time on this dude. Yes, in time when the two of you are in close proximity something could develop but I wouldn't count on it. Seek love right there where you are. He wasn't then but he's pursuing me now, which is the issue. Do you mean I wasted time then? Because we just hooked up if you mean the present, so I haven't wasted much time. Let's see: he chose me to go with him to a concert and the ticke was 150 a piece, he invited me to meet his family, he emailed me a love letter, he certainly seems interested NOW. My issue was whether I should overlook his lack of interest THEN. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 17, 2003 Share Posted January 17, 2003 Why should you be concerned about the past. You had better get used to living in the present. If he's being attentive now, enjoy it. And keep things interesting and challenging for him lest he become complacent and disinterested again. Sorry I didn't understand your original post. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nycelodean Posted January 19, 2003 Author Share Posted January 19, 2003 No problem. Thanks for your feedback and the tip. It wasn't that I didn't keep things interesting back then, however, it was that he was unavailable to anyone due to a bad experience. Cynthia Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted January 20, 2003 Share Posted January 20, 2003 Sounds like a player to me. Like NOW all of the sudden he wants you. I don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nycelodean Posted January 20, 2003 Author Share Posted January 20, 2003 this guy is actually a geeky, loner type who's afraid of sex and intimacy, and started to pursue me as soon as he realized he was ready for the intimacy part. He's only been with one other girl total and that was a bad experience so he says. Don't worry, I'm keeping my options open, player or not . . . Cynthia Link to post Share on other sites
Author nycelodean Posted January 20, 2003 Author Share Posted January 20, 2003 My message sounded a little betraying and negative so I take it back. The bottom line is I have no clue as to people's real motives, but I have other guys interested anyway that I'm communicating with, and women should always keep their options open until they marry. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted January 20, 2003 Share Posted January 20, 2003 I actually know a geeky guy who has been with a lot of chicks, so dorkiness has NOTHING to do with it. Actually I know about 2 or 3, come to think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nycelodean Posted January 20, 2003 Author Share Posted January 20, 2003 oh well . . . i don't like to speculate. he's not a dork OR a geek anyway. I meant that he used to be a loner, he is good at computers though. anyway, have no comment whatsoever on his player status. he doesn't strike as a player. and I'm not going into a debate about something noone could possibly know. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted January 20, 2003 Share Posted January 20, 2003 I wasn't trying to debate either...although now that I read it, it comes across that way, I guess. Who knows? He could be totally sincere. Just remember that long distance relationships aren't always healthy...but CAN make it under certain circumstances. Just take it slow and see where he goes with it....can't hurt to try...unless of course you are seeing someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nycelodean Posted January 23, 2003 Author Share Posted January 23, 2003 I'm sorry I misunderstood your message. Thanks for your feedback : ) Cynthia Link to post Share on other sites
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