Guest Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Hi, I joined an online dating website just to be able to email this one woman I had seen, and when I di she replied that she would like to have coffee on the weekend, I asked when and where we should meet, but then didn't hear from her. On Monday she said she had computer troubles and couldn't log in, so we could meet on Wednesday (a holiday so this time I emailed back a time (10am) and a place and said I will see her there. I know it was stupid of me, but I diidn't check my email Wednesday morning, and just went straight to the coffee place (I was confident and had a good feeling) but she wasn't there. When I got home a couple hours later, I checked my email and she had emailed at 2:30 in the morning saying that she had just finsihed work and would wait for an email from me to see if she should try and make it to coffee. Anway, I emailed straight back saying I had been there anyway, and would like to try again, but have never heard from her What is her problem? What did I do wrong? What is with this online dating stuff and standing people up and then disappearing??? Confused & not going online again!
oppath Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 How many emails did you exchange before suggesting a date? Also, even if you suggest plans over email, it's best to get a number. That way you can call/text to confirm or say something like "looking forward to meeting you later." What you describe happens in "real life" too! It can be hard to nail down a date, that is why phones work well to confirm. You don't have to wait to see if they can confirm. When you're talking to them, you know, and if they have your number and can't make it, they can let you know ASAP.
green-eyed beauty Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Honestly I think that this is a (rude) way she has of telling you she really isn't interested.
frannie Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 You suggested a time and place, and then turned up, not having checked messages and not having seen that she looked for affirmation of time and place, etc? Seems like a bit of mis-communication. Even if I was meeting a friend I'd be checking emails and/or texts for updates before I left. I don't really see what went so tragically wrong other than you didn't exchange enough personal info (mobile/cell phone numbers). How can you say 'I know I was stupid' and 'what's her problem?'.. when they're both a part of the same situation? Yes, you should have made sure before the meeting if you didn't want to avoid a no-show, and there is no problem.
Tony T Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 You will find it the rule, rather than the exception, that you will get jerked around with online dating. While a great many people find successful friendships and relationships online, many more find empty dreams and nightmares. I think online dating is an EXCELLENT form of birth control!
Guest Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 I think online dating is an EXCELLENT form of birth control! Tony, I think you're a genius!!!
daveo999 Posted May 21, 2007 Posted May 21, 2007 I dont think you should dismiss the online dating game so easily just because of one bad experience which sounds like it was a rush just to meet someone. I think you should be more open minded and give people a chance to get to know you and you to get to know them without rushing in and meeting up. Some people are very put of nervous and worried about meeting a stranger. It is best to get to know people online first, and then progress slowly until both parties feel comfortable about meeting up. So dont dismiss it so quickly. Give it another try and take time to get to know people and for them to know you. Dave PS If you are from the UK, i recommend http://www.friends-dating.co.uk which is a UK exclusive online dating and friendship site.
serial muse Posted May 21, 2007 Posted May 21, 2007 Hi, I joined an online dating website just to be able to email this one woman I had seen, and when I di she replied that she would like to have coffee on the weekend, I asked when and where we should meet, but then didn't hear from her. On Monday she said she had computer troubles and couldn't log in, so we could meet on Wednesday (a holiday so this time I emailed back a time (10am) and a place and said I will see her there. I know it was stupid of me, but I diidn't check my email Wednesday morning, and just went straight to the coffee place (I was confident and had a good feeling) but she wasn't there. When I got home a couple hours later, I checked my email and she had emailed at 2:30 in the morning saying that she had just finsihed work and would wait for an email from me to see if she should try and make it to coffee. Anway, I emailed straight back saying I had been there anyway, and would like to try again, but have never heard from her What is her problem? What did I do wrong? What is with this online dating stuff and standing people up and then disappearing??? Confused & not going online again! Uh...hm. Okay, first, I don't think it's unreasonable that she didn't show up. From her point of view, she asked you to confirm and didn't hear from you. I wouldn't have shown up either, without hearing back from you. That's reasonable. It's not worth getting mad over, just a miscommunication. As for what happened after - well, I think you should try to remember that although you saw only her, and joined specifically for her, she's not coming from that highly targeted perspective. You wanted her and are now annoyed that she didn't feel the same targeted interest. But the thing about online dating is, it is definitely a numbers game. She's probably been asked out many times before. You're basically just a guy who didn't respond to her email. I get that you followed up and tried again, but it may be that she's decided she doesn't have the time for that. Who knows? Or maybe she had email trouble again. Or she had already met someone else and is now focusing on him. My point is, you feel kind of ditched or dumped because you had your eye on her - but that's a bit overstating the case, on her end. She has never met you and doesn't know a thing about you. It's not like you asked her out in person (and this is one of the big differences between online and in-person asking-out - without meeting someone in person, there's simply a lot less emotional investment), and felt chemistry there. There's simply no reason she'd see it in the significant terms you do, because she didn't join the site for you. To her, you're a guy who sort of made a date with her and it didn't work out. I'm sorry, but I doubt she sees it as that big of a deal.
D-Lish Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 don't take it as a personal rejection- because you've never met the person! I have met several guys from online dating- some have been super creepy- I picked up a couple scary stalkers.... I got duped by a player...even had one dude yell at me during our date and then follow me into the woman's bathroom and stand outside the stall while I was trying to pee because he thought I was trying to slip out the backdoor. Okay- if there had have been a window in the bathroom I would have crawled out of it.... he was nuts. Having said all that. I have met and dated several nice guys too. It's all a process you know? I find it a bit unnerving to meet someone too quickly. I have talked to a couple guys who suggested meeting up too quickly- and although I was interested, I bolted because I wasn't ready to meet yet. You have to be prepared to take a little rejection...you have to understand that not everyone will return your messages- and that there are some shady people masquarading as normal people. Just choose your dates carefully, and put yourself out there a little. You might end up weeding out some bad ones... but every experience will be different. Don't give up. Just be discerning...and be prepared to go more slowly if someone isn't ready to meet right away. Good luck. Oh- and I had one date with a guy that got so loaded that he was spitting on me when he talked...lol. SO many stories, not enough space to write them all here.
riobikini Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 re: Tony T: " You will find it the rule, rather than the exception, that you will get jerked around with online dating. While a great many people find successful friendships and relationships online, many more find empty dreams and nightmares. I think online dating is an EXCELLENT form of birth control!" I soooo "Ditto!" your post. (Smile) You're right on target with your answer. -Rio
sweetbutcheeky Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 I know it was stupid of me, but I didn't check my email Wednesday morning, and just went straight to the coffee place (I was confident and had a good feeling) but she wasn't there. It's a great place to meet people but exchange numbers already! lol Then you won't have the miscommunication problems!
shockandawed Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 Hi Guest, Doesn't sound like you had any problem other than a miscommunication. The fact you had contact with the first one you initiated is somewhat surprising in itself. I have been doing the online thing for awhile and it is definitely a numbers game. I have met a few great women on there but as others have pointed out, many liars, freaks, etc..It doesn't sound like this one was any of that though. I am surprised you didn't exchange numbers and speak on the phone prior to agreeing to a meeting. I think it is much easier to get a true read on somebody by having an actual conversation. I know what it is like to zero in on the profile that really grabs you. But remember, it is a big time numbers game. And the profiles often aren't true indicators of the person. Some of the best dates I have had have been with the ones who didn't initially grab me, they actually were more real. A profile is nothing more than a creation of the writer. If you are doing the online thing, be willing to explore many different people. Also, try to limit the emails to just a few. I know it is scary for people to give out numbers, but it really eliminates many of the liars, married people etc.. I am not looking for pen pals on those sites. I can come here for that, and the people here are true. If they aren't willing to talk on the phone after a few emails, move along, chances are they are hiding something. Back to your situation..In all honesty, you may be coming across as a player or have scared her in some way. Maybe she is hesitant to meet you without knowing that much. Maybe she has other offers, no one really knows, but you do need to be more specific with her. She may also be embarrased now that you went there. Your big mistake here is you don't have her phone number to call her and clear this up. But since you don't..I would send another email, very nice, how are you doing type of thing, apologize for the miscommunication and tell her you are still interested in getting to know her better and would like to talk with her. Put your phone number and good times to reach you. I would also offer if she would rather you call her, send her number and a good time to call. Keep it pleasant and cheerful. It is specific and puts the ball in her court without any vagueness or potential miscommunication. If she replies, great, if not, move along to the next one. Like D-Lish, I have some scary stories myself, but I still believe there are some honest and true people out there and it is a good way to meet people. Online gives me exposure to people I never would have otherwise. You just have to keep it all in perspective, have fun with it and not take it personally. I know, much easier said than done.
Tomcat33 Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 Get used to it Guest and please don't take it personally it's the nature of online dating. People can be who they want on there which means at times some people lose their manners and treat others quite poorly. Especially if she is an attractive woman and gets a lot of attention from men she will play around a lot (much like a kid in a candy store) and won't stick to her word, simply because she has many options and she CAN. I'm not condoning it just telling it like it is. I think in your case however there was miscommunication as others pointed out. Back on the online dating experience, unfotuntalely dating sites have created monsters out of some people, they promote no scruples, no manners no regard for other people. I would give her another chance if she makes another excuse or the miscommunication seems intentional on her part, I would abort mission. Do you really want to try to date someone that has such little regard for another human being's feelings? If you think that experience was online dating hell, you haven't even scratched the surface my friend....
D-Lish Posted May 22, 2007 Posted May 22, 2007 If you think that experience was online dating hell, you haven't even scratched the surface my friend.... Oh, this is so true!
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