sb129 Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 I think you have totally misunderstood me Krytellan, with respect I feel like this is going to turn into an argument, and I really don't want it to. Its not masochistic at all! But why should he get away with his slink-into-the corner-and-pretend-it-never-happened behaviour? Maybe NEXT time he sees a girl, he might not be so quick to do the same to her, and would actually have the balls to tell her he isn't interested. And on a different note, a married couple I know (who are really happy) went on a few dates, then he didn't call her for SIX WEEKS. (He is damned lucky she was still around when he did call) And he didn't call because he is a doofus, and got a little scared. Simple as that. So it does happen. I feel like my posts are being construed as really negative, and they aren't at all. I am really mad for SG that someone as gutsy and intelligent as her has had to go go thru this, and I think she deserves an explanation from the guy for his aboutface. but what she does is up to her.
LulaMae Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Star Gazer, Since you answered my thread in the Marriage subtopic (Found My Fiance's Sex Photos), I feel as if I should return the favor. Personally, I don't think you can win a man over. I think men love the chase and that if he is a player (or not) the best thing you can do is to NOT call him. The only harmless is to run into him accidentally, or find some other INDIRECT way to contact him and see if he bites the bait. (One method could be to send a forward email (joke etc,) to a few friends (in the BCC line) and include him. Technically, this could be done with only him in the BCC line but you didn't hear that from me. Might seem out of place unless that's something you would do (forward emails). Good books I love (search Amazon b/c I do'nt recall authors) -- "Getting to "I DO"" and "Mars and Venus on a Date". Good luck!
StartingOver07 Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 I've been reading and reading. What strikes me here is why on earth should SG care what FF thinks about her contacting him? She needs to take an action that will make her feel better -- give her the closure she needs so she can move on. So what if he thinks she is pathetic for calling? I am not convinced he will think this, but even if he does, so what? So it confirms her worst fear -- that he's a jerk. Isn't she better off knowing this? This whole thing where everyone is manoeuvering to not appear interested or hurt or whatever seems exhausting. SG should do the thing(s) that will bring her peace. What he thinks -- unless he ends up in a r/s with her -- is irrelevant. If he's small enough and jerky enough to think less of her for making contact, let him have at it. All that matters is that in the end, she feels better. So my advice is to do whatever will make you feel better and not worry about how he will interpret it. We have no real way to know whether he'll feel sheepish or scornful or guilty or remorseful or what. And we can guess at it for another 3 weeks and still not know.
sb129 Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 What strikes me here is why on earth should SG care what FF thinks about her contacting him? She needs to take an action that will make her feel better -- give her the closure she needs so she can move on. So what if he thinks she is pathetic for calling? I am not convinced he will think this, but even if he does, so what? So it confirms her worst fear -- that he's a jerk. Isn't she better off knowing this? . Yes, I think so.
DanielMadr Posted May 25, 2007 Posted May 25, 2007 Star Gazer, Since you answered my thread in the Marriage subtopic (Found My Fiance's Sex Photos), I feel as if I should return the favor. Personally, I don't think you can win a man over. I think men love the chase and that if he is a player (or not) the best thing you can do is to NOT call him. The only harmless is to run into him accidentally, or find some other INDIRECT way to contact him and see if he bites the bait. (One method could be to send a forward email (joke etc,) to a few friends (in the BCC line) and include him. Technically, this could be done with only him in the BCC line but you didn't hear that from me. Might seem out of place unless that's something you would do (forward emails). Good books I love (search Amazon b/c I do'nt recall authors) -- "Getting to "I DO"" and "Mars and Venus on a Date". Good luck! INDIRECT? forwarded jokes? Come on. Those books you mentioned are bogus. Dont want to go too deep but I can hint you why: They places their readers in comfort zone....You are perfect, you dont have to do nothing, sit on your azz shielded from the fears of rejection which are so bad for your ego and make them do all the work. If they are interested they will call whatever shyt you give them. Even guys love this....those who are head over heels for first women who farts in their dirrection. No pain, no gain. Hit gym, hit beauty saloon, bult up confidence - get over your ego and inferiority complexes and live the life with positive giving attitude. This is real world advice but nobody wants to buy it. I wonder why
Sheba Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 With sincere apologies to all who may be offended, I will say more bluntly what Starting Over said nicely: all of the machinations about this man laughing at Star Gazer, and what a terrible fate that would be are starting to seem rather juvenile. If you re-read this thread you may experience a flashback to Junior High and it won't be any more fun now than it was then. I wonder if any of the men who have responded to this thread would behave that way themselves? I doubt it, because by their posts for the most part they seem too kind and civilized to act like 14 year old boys. I also agree with Starting Over that if he is a jerk, why should SG care so much for his opinion about her? How is she diminished? I think she should ask what is going on and then weigh his response based on what we have learned about a**hole men from this thread.
sweetscarlet Posted May 26, 2007 Posted May 26, 2007 Whatever you say, SweetScarlet. LOL....I haven't been on here in awhile and this is one of the first threads that I read today because I DID turn my own situation around recently. I wasn't going to post any response about it though...for obvious reasons. But then I saw this post and laughed out loud. I'm glad someone else saw the same thing that I did about how you respond to "certain" other posters!
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