sex with multiple partners and omissions not lies

[norajane]

I am a trusting person by nature and dont want to live in a cynical world. I want to find love that can be forever, trusting and can give me the fantasy that most women dream of.

 

I am 33 and for the last 7 years have been in relationships that ended in me being hurt. I can only feel as though I have brought this on myself. I want a place to call home a wife that loves me and children that we both can love and raise as a couple. I see that in my grandparents and want that is it too much to ask??????

 

Broken homes are a reflection of the morals of our society. I don't want to be another statistic.

 

Perhaps your lack of cynicism might lead you into trusting too much, and staying too long in relationship that have early warning signs that you don't heed. Don't go into denial or be willingly naiive because you so very badly want your fantasy to come true. Don't give your heart away before you know a person well enough to be sure they will treasure it.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Touche, I think you are correct. I do feel that she is not taking my feelings into consideration. When she returns I plan to discuss this with her.

 

Too busy to talk to me when I call at work but can take off before noon on Friday.

 

Says she will call and forgets

 

Doesn't tell me about the contact with abusive ex becasue she is embarrassed, not taking into account how it might affect me.

 

Invites another ex over to get her dog and doesnt tell me because of what I might say.

 

Early on goes out with someone else and sleeps with him doesn't tell me because it is none of my business. My health is my business and if it is none of my business why lie about it just tell me she is going out of town.

 

It is becoming obvious to me that she is not wanting as serious a relationship that she says she does. Or is not ready to make sacrifices for a relationship rather she is going to do what she wants when she wants without regard for my feelings.

 

Are U F-ing kidding me!!! "We'll talk about it when she get's back??!?!"

 

Wtf are you smoking? Do you have to see her in bed with another man before you fianlly accept the stone cold truth. She's a sloar!! a jump-off!!!

 

She isnt worth the time or commitment. Let's take it at face value here, she was divorced right? Then all of a sudden she meet's you, now she's seeing all these exe's and whatnot partying without you! she's 30 yrs old!?

 

Dude the writing's on the wall, she's sowing her wild oats while lying to you. Right now this isnt the best time to be involved with this type of woman. She's stringing you along til she get's all that back-up fantasy **** out of her system.

 

I was just like you until I snapped out of it and dumped her on her ass and started jumping off with others. Life is too short to wait for a woman to come around when there is so much fish in the sea. What the hell does she bring into your life except alot of lies and deceitfulness. Do you want that in your life? Do you want her as a life partner for you. Stop being coochie-whipped!!! Please playboy, this woman is gonna break your heart.

 

She isnt worth it. She's wrong. She may be pretty or whatnot but all that hottness isnt cool without a good soul behind it. U feel me?

 

She's gonna cheat on you the minute you become serious, mark my words. ooops to late she's already doin it. lol.

 

I mean do you like the fact that she's doing you dirty? I mean your divorced is that what you want as wife#2?

 

Snap the hell out of it!!!

[Djaba]

I'm afraid I'm with Barracuda on this one (less the name calling). I see nothing but heartbreak ahead, my friend. My guess is that she's extremely attractive and good in bed, and you are, as we say, *****-whipped. (Been there done that; don't take offense.) Exclusivity discussions or not, she's bad news and will ultimately rip your heart into pieces. Ouch.

[luvstarved]

Taking all else into consideration. What if....

 

In the beginning, she was just trying to decide if either of us was worth a long term relationship and she lied about going to the beach because she did not want to hurt me?

 

She did not tell me about the last ex coming over to get the dog for the day because he had apologized for being an a** and she did not want to hurt me.

 

She did not want to tell me about her other abusive ex contacting her on her birthday because she was embarrassed she was talking to him and wanted to rub it in his face that she was happy.

 

She went out of town this weekend because she wanted to get away and her and her ex have actually got a healthy friendship.

 

I could be loosing someone that I love very deeply because of my own insecurity and jealousy.

 

This is very hard for me!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the additional post but noone has spoken to this scenario.

 

Please respond,

T

 

Tuaca Tuaca Tuaca!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

The mature person who does not wish to hurt another avoids ACTIONS that will hurt another, not LIE ABOUT THEM!

 

Do you really in your heart think that she went off for a beach weekend to "see her mother" and spent that time wracked with guilt and ambivalence? Ask yourself what her demeanor was after the weekend with Mom. Did you ask how it went? Did she talk about Mom? Was she in a happy state of mind? Did she avoid the subject or gleefully give you a fictional account of the weekend? Do you remember???

 

In six months time you find that she is still in contact with not one, not two, but THREE exes and had a sexual relationship with a FOURTH transient! And lied every time??? And SHE is sensitive about cheating? Maybe that is because she needs ALLLLLL the attention, from ALLLLLLL the guys ALLLLLLLLLLL the time!

 

And you think she might be "naive" to not realize that her ex still wants to sleep with her?

 

LADIES OUT THERE: ANY OF YOU EVER MISS THE DRIFT WHEN AN EX WANTED TO SLEEP WITH YOU????????????

 

I didn't think so.

 

Dude, I am REALLY sorry that none of us seem able to give you the answer you'd like to hear, but you're not putting forth much contradictory evidence and based on what you're telling us, this woman is a tease and a player and unless you are willing to settle for a weekend away with her down the road as the Nth ex, you would do well to scat now. How many more exes have to crawl up from the abyss for you to get it?

[In Like Flynn]

You have become the safe "PLAN B" for her. But she is not ready to play it safe yet. She is still trying to turn her many ex's into "PLAN A's" even after knowing they were (PLAN F's) during their previous relationship's. This is not uncommon in the dating world...I just have never seen anyone so blantant about it. Good Luck because this "Relationship" has short term written all over it.

[Tuaca]

Thanks all for your opinions. I am not taking this personally, rather I am trying to see that the things that I think are not so far out there and it is not just me being a jealous person. There actually are red flags and her trying to explain things away is another red flag.

 

It is hard when you want to believe someone.

 

I do understand what all of you are saying and I want to free myself from feeling bad when I have to call someone out on things. I guess part of it is that its really hard to believe that there are so many dishonest people out there willing to make the same mistakes over and over. I would like to think that I learn from my mistakes. At least I am reading red flags earlier and willing to talk with someone even if it is a faceless internet.

 

For a long time I just thought I was asking for too much in others.

[Touche]

Asking too much? No, I think the problem is that you aren't asking enough. And probably haven't in the past either. So women just dump on you. You settle. And you're a little too much of a doormat.

 

What good is all of this venting and reading responses if you're only going to make another mistake? What good is seeing these red flags, if you're only going to give her another chance? Unless you do something (like leave her) you too are making the same mistakes.

 

You have a dream of a wife and family. Staying with her is just delaying that dream of yours.

[Tuaca]

Touche, you are right and I do have to do something. I guess when I see her next it should be for the last time. God it hurts to say that.

 

Thanks to all for talking!

[Tuaca]

I have decided to end this relationship.

 

I get really flustered in situations like this and have written a letter. I want to do this in person, face to face.

 

Is it acceptable to read this to her so that I can make sure I get out everything that I want to say?

 

Please, just this last piece of advice.

 

Thanks to all...

[Journey1220]

I read your post and I sincerely feel for you bro. I understand you have a very tough decision to make in ending this relationship. I know you are doing it for the right reasons. If I were you I would do it face to face so you can look in her eyes and tell her YOUR feelings. Although writing a letter is somewhat cathartic in the long run doing it in person brings more closure to the situation plus it will dwell on her the magnitude of the situation. Tell her face to face and outline all the reasons why you feel the relationship needs to be over. I wish you the best of luck. Be strong.

 

Journey

[Chrome Barracuda]

I have decided to end this relationship.

 

I get really flustered in situations like this and have written a letter. I want to do this in person, face to face.

 

Is it acceptable to read this to her so that I can make sure I get out everything that I want to say?

 

Please, just this last piece of advice.

 

Thanks to all...

 

Look man this isnt easy but you need to do what's best for you. Your still in your 30's. You can build a new life on your own without a chick like this in your corner. all she's gonna do is bring you down, observe the writing on the wall.

 

And please go NC with this chick. If she calls dont pick up do not talk, email, She' get's the cutoff. I mean all forms of communication. And if she shows up at your job crying and pleading wondering why you wont return her calls. Tell her the truth.

 

That I cannot tolerate the lies of omission and blantant cheating you are doing to me. I'm looking out for my self-respect and your not the right woman for me.

 

Firm but clear. Let her know that it is unacceptable. She will come looking for you trying to get you to be her doormat. It's time for you to stand up!

[sb129]

I agree with Chrome Barracuda.

 

Good luck

[Asafan]

Dude, stop being such a homo and dump this bitch. There are other fish in the sea. This chick is 30 years old and is playing these games? Come on. Wake up. She's just a woman. They are everywhere. Go find another one. They are all the same upside down.

[Tuaca]

Well, we split tonight.

 

I went over and before I could get anything out, she told me her feeling were not as strong as they used to be. I said that is obvious.

 

I explained that I could not be with someone that acted without thinking of my feelings. She agreed that she never even thought of my feelings when she decided to go to DC.

 

I said what I needed and left. I have to admit that I still have a lot of questions, but I know they will never be answered.

 

With all that has happened, it still leaves me with an empty feeling.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well you know what you need to do to get over that disappointment and a heartache, is an expense free ride straight down to your local strip club!!! You and your homies can kick back and relax and throw dollars at some girls with the nice derriere's & get your freak on!

 

LOL.

 

Seriously though it was good that you left, she would have just hurt you badly. She's not ready for a real serious relationship. You did what was right. It's time to fill that heart with some self love. Work out, raise a barn, get a hobby, go out on dates. Fil that hole with something positive and feel better about yourself. Chalk this one up to immaturity. and stupidity. Thankfully you can look yourself in the mirror and say it's not you.

[norajane]

With all that has happened, it still leaves me with an empty feeling.

 

That empty feeling is the loss of your dream...the dream that you could have a future with her. It's not actually an emptiness because you lost a great relationship, or a woman who cared for you, or a woman who made you feel like a million bucks.

 

That empty feeling will pass, maybe even sooner than you think. You'll see this was for the best in the end, and you'll feel relieved that you no longer have to spend any time wondering where she is and with whom and with which ex she is emailing or exchanging dogs that day. It will feel like a burden has been lifted from your mind.

 

Stay strong, take care of yourself, and feel good knowing this was the right decision.

[Touche]

You'll be ok, Tuaca. It stinks but we've all been there.

 

Now, you're just one step closer to realizing that dream you spoke of.

 

Truthfully, I didn't think you were strong enough to do it. I'm impressed. It couldn't have been easy.

 

Hang in there, ok?

[Tuaca]

Chrome, nora, toouche and all others, thank you for your opinions.

 

Most of all thank you for returning and seeing me through a tough time. I will be ok and Nora I hope you are correct as to what the emptiness is.

 

I am eternally grateful.

 

Tuaca

[Touche]

I know Nora is right. That's exactly what the emptiness your feeling is.

 

And don't disappear. Keep coming back when you're feeling down or lonely. You can vent, cry, be angry. You won't be judged here. And you will get through this.

 

You seem like a genuinely nice man and I'm sure better things will be coming your way soon.

[Asafan]

Good for you! Now go get thee laid good and proper by as many randoms as you can get your dick into.

[Chrome Barracuda]

LMAO asafan!!!

[sb129]

Good for you Tuaca. I am proud of you. The emptiness does go, I promise.