burning 4 revenge Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 touche, thanks for the explanation. I think I can live with the fact that she was with someone else as we had no expectation of exclusivity at that time. Still the lying bothers me.The fact that it bothers you tells me that you have feelings for her and wanted her in an exclusive relationship. The fact that she lies to you shows she has no respect for you as a human being. This can't end well for you.
pricillia Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Making excuses for any action and not calling things what they really are is the reason the institution of the family is being destroyed and why both relationships and people are becoming increasingly disposable. But what ever feels good do it right? No that is not what I am saying... Right so name calling is ok... Calling someone a slut or a male slut is hurtfull. The OP is just looking for insight not for a person that he cares about to be called a slut... whatever funny how you all think that your perfect lives are just so wonderfull and you have gotten to your "happy place" gives you the right to "Say it like it is" All the while not even asking questions to get more information, you just hear oh... multiple...oh and slut comes right after.. right:rolleyes:
Touche Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 touche, thanks for the explanation. I think I can live with the fact that she was with someone else as we had no expectation of exclusivity at that time. Still the lying bothers me. So you mean she's not sleeping with these guys anymore? I guess I'm just old-fashioned then and have always been with old-fashioned guys..never was a need for an "exclusivity talk." Once I slept with a man, the exclusivity part was just a tacit understanding. Maybe things are different now. As for you, P..of course I'm being judgmental. That's what we do when we read and post. We JUDGE and respond accordingly. And so what if I'm sometimes blunt and "harsh" as you say? Is there a law against that? I don't think so. Sorry, you don't like my style but I think Tuaca understood what I was trying to say. And B4R, you're right on. You get it. Too much PC bullcrap on here sometimes. Let's start calling a spade a spade.
Touche Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 No that is not what I am saying... Right so name calling is ok... Calling someone a slut or a male slut is hurtfull. The OP is just looking for insight not for a person that he cares about to be called a slut... whatever funny how you all think that your perfect lives are just so wonderfull and you have gotten to your "happy place" gives you the right to "Say it like it is" All the while not even asking questions to get more information, you just hear oh... multiple...oh and slut comes right after.. right:rolleyes: This has nothing to do with my "happy place". YES, you got it. It's my right to "say it like it is"..mine and everyone else's as well. I don't need to have more information..I already explained it to you..sleeping with more than one man at a time is slutty. I don't care if you call that "name-calling"...again, it's a characterization - and an accurate one in my book. You don't have to agree. So what if it's hurtful? I thought he needed to hear it. Should I be dishonest and lie and say things like "Oh, well maybe she has a reason for being like this. Maybe she's not trying to hurt you..blah blah blah..." How is THAT helpful advice? Doesn't sound to me, from what the OP said here, that their values are in tune. Not a good match in my opinion.
pricillia Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 So you mean she's not sleeping with these guys anymore? I guess I'm just old-fashioned then and have always been with old-fashioned guys..never was a need for an "exclusivity talk." Once I slept with a man, the exclusivity part was just a tacit understanding. Maybe things are different now. As for you, P..of course I'm being judgmental. That's what we do when we read and post. We JUDGE and respond accordingly. And so what if I'm sometimes blunt and "harsh" as you say? Is there a law against that? I don't think so. Sorry, you don't like my style but I think Tuaca understood what I was trying to say. And B4R, you're right on. You get it. Too much PC bullcrap on here sometimes. Let's start calling a spade a spade. Well OP did say that they were three weeks into the relationship and his girlfriend did say that she was sorry about be dishonest... No there is no law against that:rolleyes:...You scare me sometimes... Sorry that you think that I don't like your style, just wondering why you right away assumed that she was a slut???
pricillia Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 This has nothing to do with my "happy place". YES, you got it. It's my right to "say it like it is"..mine and everyone else's as well. I don't need to have more information..I already explained it to you..sleeping with more than one man at a time is slutty. I don't care if you call that "name-calling"...again, it's a characterization - and an accurate one in my book. You don't have to agree. So what if it's hurtful? I thought he needed to hear it. Should I be dishonest and lie and say things like "Oh, well maybe she has a reason for being like this. Maybe she's not trying to hurt you..blah blah blah..." How is THAT helpful advice? Doesn't sound to me, from what the OP said here, that their values are in tune. Not a good match in my opinion. OK It must be a full moon and your inner bully has surfaced... Continue on in your NO BC replies... TO OP... I would say that your GF is not a slut, but she just does not know what she wants and dating and finding out who is best for her. Ask her what is important to her and if the two of you are committed to eachother and what that means
Touche Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 Well OP did say that they were three weeks into the relationship and his girlfriend did say that she was sorry about be dishonest... No there is no law against that:rolleyes:...You scare me sometimes... Sorry that you think that I don't like your style, just wondering why you right away assumed that she was a slut??? I scare you? Why did that make me laugh? Anyway, I assumed she was a slut, to answer your question, based on the information that Tuaca gave us. I even went so far as to define what I think of as a slut or slutty behavior...sleeping with more than one person at a time. That's most people's definitions too, I would venture to say. So my "assumption" was based on the facts supplied by Tuaca himself.
Touche Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 OK It must be a full moon and your inner bully has surfaced... Continue on in your NO BC replies... TO OP... I would say that your GF is not a slut, but she just does not know what she wants and dating and finding out who is best for her. Ask her what is important to her and if the two of you are committed to eachother and what that means No. She's not "dating" to find out who is best for her. She's sleeping around! There IS a difference. And sorry, but I'm not being a bully just because you disagree with me. I don't want this to turn into a fight with you. We're supposed to be here to help Tuaca. Tuaca, sorry for the nonsense here. So what do you think you will do?
pricillia Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 No. She's not "dating" to find out who is best for her. She's sleeping around! There IS a difference. And sorry, but I'm not being a bully just because you disagree with me. I don't want this to turn into a fight with you. We're supposed to be here to help Tuaca. Tuaca, sorry for the nonsense here. So what do you think you will do? OK let's all agree... Tuaca... she is a slut dump her
Touche Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 OK let's all agree... Tuaca... she is a slut dump her :lmao:EXACTLY! Hey, you catch on quick, P!:laugh:
pricillia Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 :lmao:EXACTLY! Hey, you catch on quick, P!:laugh: BULLY..................
Touche Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 BULLY.................. And you're a bully for calling me a BULLY! So where's Tuaca? What you gonna do, Tuaca?
pricillia Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 Tuaca... I am not sure what kind of relationship the two of you have, If she is having sex with you and another then make sure that she is having safe sex, that is important for both of you. The reasons that she could be seeing multiple people could be emotional as well as for the physical aspect. Only you know what you want in a relationship with her if she is not fulfilling what your idea of a relationship is then you should consider moving on. However you should talk to her again and you already know that she did not tell the truth but also she is not married and neither are you... If she is not understanding what you want... (I think that she does) it is because she is not ready for an exclusive relationship. For me personally I do not agree with seeing more than one person I am commited to one person to a fault. ( but that is just me)
pricillia Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 And you're a bully for calling me a BULLY! So where's Tuaca? What you gonna do, Tuaca? yah... you win D***** I mean Touche...sorry I am a terrible typist
norajane Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 She lied to you straight out in the beginning, and she's been lying by ommission since then. How can you possibly trust that she's ever going to be fully honest with you? For that reason alone, I'd move on...she's already proven her intentions are not to have a genuine authentic relationship with you.
pricillia Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 She lied to you straight out in the beginning, and she's been lying by ommission since then. How can you possibly trust that she's ever going to be fully honest with you? For that reason alone, I'd move on...she's already proven her intentions are not to have a genuine authentic relationship with you. But how old is this couple? I think that age could be a factor.. again I am not saying what she did was right... I have been lied too and it sucks... so I know how he feels. Op said that he was on the other side of the fence...so how would he have liked to been treated and did anyone ever call him out on it?
norajane Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 But how old is this couple? I think that age could be a factor.. I don't think age matters. She lied and she's been hiding things. That makes her a liar and secretive. What difference would it make if she's 20 or 30? Maybe some liars grow out of the habit...once they experience some real consequences to lying...but who has time to waste waiting for that knowing they're being lied to in the meantime?
Guest Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 I am not sure what I am going to do. Right now I am going to try and answer the questions that have been asked: I am 33 and she is 30, we are both divorced. She did lie in the beginning and has been lying by omission since. The only time that she slept with someone else was 3 weeks into the relationship and though I dont condone it, we had not talked exclusivity. Now she has gone out of town admittingly to see a 'good friend' (ex boyfriend) for the weekend. I am glad she is honest. I am pissed that she did not tell me until she had left town and I am frustrated cause I don't understand where her actions are coming from. I know it is possible that this is just the way she is but it is so contradictory of the person I have come to know.
Author Tuaca Posted May 20, 2007 Author Posted May 20, 2007 I am not sure what I am going to do. Right now I am going to try and answer the questions that have been asked: I am 33 and she is 30, we are both divorced. She did lie in the beginning and has been lying by omission since. The only time that she slept with someone else was 3 weeks into the relationship and though I dont condone it, we had not talked exclusivity. Now she has gone out of town admittingly to see a 'good friend' (ex boyfriend) for the weekend. I am glad she is honest. I am pissed that she did not tell me until she had left town and I am frustrated cause I don't understand where her actions are coming from. I know it is possible that this is just the way she is but it is so contradictory of the person I have come to know.
Touche Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 Well you have to go by her actions. That's what really counts. And her actions don't speak of someone who wants an exclusive relationship with you. She wants to keep her options (or something) open. And maybe you should do the same in this case.
pricillia Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 Do you live together Have you both told each other that you love each other, and how far into the relationship did that happen How often do you see each other and do you have open lines of communication? So she only slept with one other guy once three weeks into the relationship ... Is that right? (if that is true that hardly classifies her as a slut) What other lies of omission do you know about
pricillia Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 Well you have to go by her actions. That's what really counts. And her actions don't speak of someone who wants an exclusive relationship with you. She wants to keep her options (or something) open. And maybe you should do the same in this case. I think that she may want to keep her options open but only her options... Touche...
Touche Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 Do you live together Have you both told each other that you love each other, and how far into the relationship did that happen How often do you see each other and do you have open lines of communication? So she only slept with one other guy once three weeks into the relationship ... Is that right? (if that is true that hardly classifies her as a slut) What other lies of omission do you know about No, P. He mentions another guy too that she just left to see..an ex. Unless I misread, there's more than one other guy. But still even if there's only ONE other guy, she's still displaying slutty behavior because at the very least she's sleeping with TWO guys at the same time.
Touche Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 I think that she may want to keep her options open but only her options... Touche... Darn you! I knew that wouldn't get past you! But she's keeping more than just her options open.
Author Tuaca Posted May 20, 2007 Author Posted May 20, 2007 Well that is really not an option Touche. Two weeks ago we talked about everything and she does not want to see other people. So what the hell is she doing this weekend? Seeing a friend will be her response and I have no proof otherwise. Just seems she would not have gone there this weekend if she was thinking of me and how I feel about recent events. During our talks, it was she did not want to upset me by telling me she was dating someone else early on. She did not want to hurt me by telling me that her ex was coming over to get the dog for the day. (I was under the impression she still refused to talk to him. And she was embarrassed that she was talking to the abusive ex. Explaining that she had gotten a birthday card from him unsigned and emailed to say thanks and that she wanted to show she was ok without him. The guy she is with this weekend is supposedly a friend and we talked a couple of months ago when I found out she had dated him. I told her then that I would not be comfortable with her going there at least until I met him.
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