princess75 Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 :bunny:Right now a lot of guilt is within me, what I did wrong, how could i have made it better. Now there is nothing MAJOR I did wrong, or even I was willing to work little things out. I am sad, because it is not even 1 year of marriage, and he wants out. But guilt is eating me up as he wants out and doesnt want to work on it whatsoever. But what really makes me sad is he blames me for ALL that happened in the marriage, i tell him let us work on these "things" He says no, i am to blame and he cannot forgive me I look back and I would say things I do wrong are in terms of: telling him how I feel when I dont like something and something I Do DO wrong is telling him I want out when I am not being heard, neglected and not taken into account. But I said it because I was feeling unloved, and would have like more love in return. Now, in my case, he accuses me of going "around" with people, and well...as I said I would want out if a person accuses me of lies, especially when it is our 1st year of marriage! I am seeking counselling and posting here, as I know all the whole drama is too much and pretty sickening. I am not guilty, and if I were for small things, I am human and need to get past these. He seems to have log of things and ADDS more into it which is non existant. I feel weird, as I feel am loosing my own judgement and perspective of things. I did not do anything wrong as he is treating me as if I did....and he is "punishing" me for it. He acts as if I am a bad girl, and if I deserve divorce. It is sad. He also has wanted me to help him complete the divorce paperwork, or he will not do it but we stay separate and "I don't call him" Again more of I am a bad girl thing. I helped him, emotional drain, and he now calls me to say if I will sign paperwork beforehand. i told him to stop harrassing me. I don't have the courage to go and file divorce myself. My mind says I should, my heart says I wish he would calm down and want to work things out.... Any insights, as I said I feel I am going cuckoos...
Tony T Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 When a man tells you he doesn't want to work things out...he just wants out of the marriage...for Pete's sake let him out. Yes, of course it's painful but the clock is running on your life and you deserve somebody who wants to be with you. Many people nowadays are very selfish and don't want to devote energy into making something work. This isn't the old days anymore. No, it's not your fault at all. It's important to communicate your feelings...unless, of course, all you do is whine about dissatisfaction all the time. Nobody wants to hear that. Let this guy go. From what you've written, it's totally over. Once you start assisting him in getting away, he's likely to be extremely puzzled as to what's come over you and perhaps be interested again. (Human beings are very screwed up!) There's simply no point in keeping somebody around who doesn't want to be there. Forget all this guilt and blame crap. That gets you nowhere. If he was meant for you, this wouldn't be happening or he would be willing to work on the marriage. You tried, you gave it your all and it just didn't work. That's OK. The sooner the two of you are apart, the sooner you can heal and get on with your life. Accept that and you're almost there!
Author princess75 Posted May 19, 2007 Author Posted May 19, 2007 Yes, once he requested out I did let him out. I said please file it as soon as you can. He postponed it for 2 months, came to me, had nice time then said divorce again when I request we live together. I then did NC, no contact and now; he wants me out again. Now I am not saying NO to out, for me it is either we work on it and live together and do all as married couple, or we get a divorce. But he is every day calling me stating me to sign divorce papers b4hand, I dont want this. I have told him to go and file it and I will give him a clean divorce. He does not want to work on it, but he enjoys "my suffering?" I dont know I see it as we are being too childish, not mature love. I would like for him to see same thing, if he wants out...then he should do it. Also, he is making me sad as one of my issues I complained about is how he relates to the mother of his child. (ONe night stand got pregnant 8 years ago) She calls whenever, and goes to see them whenever. ...I dont think this is something I am nagging about but something essentially he should address if he really wants a marriage..WHY HE MARRIED THEN!? He never wanted to address this and on top of that since NC , he goes to see her more often; including slept in her house! Now, I did talk to her after this.... She says they have NOTHING GOING ON, he is FAMILY (father of the kid) but SHE LOVES ANOTHER MAN and is trying to work on her relationship with another man. He also stated she doesnt understand why he is doing this and that he shouldn't...SHE even stated SHE WOULD NEVER BE WITH HIM, as if they would have they would before and he is not what she wants in life. She even said "run while you can", I asked he is she sure she doesn't want him? Technically I am not sure if to believe her, but then WHY DOES HE go there?
azianpride143 Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 Unfortunately I don't see that as appropriate behaviour for a married man to be sleeping in his ex's home. A visit to his child is a visit. Does he live that far away that he needs to sleep over? This doesn't make sense at all. Anyways just continue with NC and avoid him like the plague you need to move on with your life and you shouldn't have to keep reliving the pain over and over again. Yes you may love this person. But is this the kind of life you want to live? Is this relationship worth keeping? Your fortunate it's only been a year and you've seen his true self. It took me almost 14 years to wake up. I know how difficult and painful it could be to go through this. You just have to accept the reality of the situation and move on.
Recommended Posts