Tormented Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 For those of you that don't know my story, let's just say it's a loooong, ugly one and I won't go into it here. But if you're interested, I think I've got some 300 plus posts lingering around on this board somewhere. Back then, I was pretty torn up...as my screen name indicates - tormented. It's been nine months since my breakup and I've had a lot of ups and downs along the way. Did a whole lot of soul-searching, healing, self-improving, etc. And really, I'm doing well. Okay...so along comes my ex. Actually, this is nothing new. He's continued to attempt contacting me but I refused to respond up to this point. Too much hurt and anger on my side. But - for whatever reason, I decided to correspond with him about 2 weeks ago, and as a result, spent the last 2 weekends seeing him. Has it set me back? No. In fact, it's done the complete opposite. We did a LOT of talking about what happened, why he did what he did, what it did to me...the whole nine yards. There were some tears, some hugs, some healing for both of us. We even managed to have some fun, but there was definitely some strain between us. But the thing I most noticed was that he appeared different to me. I just didn't find him attractive as I use to and everytime I looked at him, I thought..."what the hell was I thinking??" I found it hard to believe that I was looking at the man who caused me so much pain, so much anguish...whom I believed with all my heart was my soulmate, the man whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, whom I once loved deeply - and now felt NOTHING for. Before seeing him again, I already knew I had moved on. But seeing him really confirmed this. He told me several times that he continues to think about me, that he deeply regrets what he did and the hurt it caused me. He said losing me has had a profound effect in his life. He made several comments that led me to believe he'd like for us to try again. The problem? I have absolutely NO interest in going back...the feelings I once had for him are completely gone. He somehow looked older, sad, and more bitter than I remember him being. And if anything, I felt sorry for him. But I felt NO love. Sometimes...when enough time goes by and you've moved on to other things in life, revisiting the ex seals your complete recovery. You know longer view them through rose-colored glasses and you can see them for who they truly are. And you'll find yourself asking..."what the hell was I thinking???" So, for those of you who have just begun the process of healing and are in a lot of pain - know this...the day will come where this person will become nothing more than a memory. Your pain WILL subside, you WILL move on, and you WILL once again embrace life with all its wonders and offers. I sit here today, looking out my window and can't help but notice what a beautiful day it is today. The sky is very blue...the birds are in rare form, chirping louder than usual, the wild flowers are beginning to bloom in full color everywhere you look, and the air smells of pine. Six months ago I wouldn't have even noticed a day like this because my focus was blinded with pain and anger. And back then, I was absolutely convnced my life was over...that I would never again feel happiness. How wrong I was. And in time, you will realize the same. Okay then...time for me to get out of here and enjoy this beautiful day! ~Tormented-NO-MORE~
jusified Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 hahaha T, That is so good to hear I am also getting very close to that stage. When I think about the hurtful posts we've posted and look at this one I feel that you and I are at the end of a journey and the start of a new one. All the best, Jus
jon3105 Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Thanks for sharing. It helps to read and know about people who are going through the same thing, but it helps even more to read about the same people coming out the otherside. I look forward to the day, its a rough ride for me yet, but im getting there
Author Tormented Posted May 20, 2007 Author Posted May 20, 2007 When I think about the hurtful posts we've posted and look at this one I feel that you and I are at the end of a journey and the start of a new one. Oh yes, I DO remember, Jes. My God...that seems like a lifetime ago, yet at the same time, seems like just yesterday, doesn't it? But hey! We made it, didn't we? Tell you what, I don't EVER want to be in that horrible place again. So, I'm being VERY careful with my heart and who I get involved with. Never again will I allow a man to do what he did to me again. Never. And so...here's to a brighter future for us both! ~T~
Author Tormented Posted May 20, 2007 Author Posted May 20, 2007 but it helps even more to read about the same people coming out the otherside. I look forward to the day, its a rough ride for me yet, but im getting there Hey Jon, I was absolutely devestated when I first came to this board...just ask some of the members here who remember my 300 plus posts of agony. I honestly thought I'd NEVER get over this. I had it bad!! But the support I received on this board was a life-saver, it really was. And I guess that's why I feel the need to share my outcome - that the heart DOES heal, that life DOES get better, that you WILL recover and be free to love another. Be patient with yourself, Jon. What you're going through is hard - very, very hard. And it can sometimes seem like a loooong, endless process, but you WILL come through it - I promise. Hey, if I (the die-hard damsel in distress), can make it through the other end, so can you. Just know that you're not in this alone, Jon. There are a lot of good people here to help you through it...me included. Chin up! ~T~
Recommended Posts