jon3105 Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Hey guys, sorry for the depressing post but im on a bit of a downer and just need a little support/help. As you'll be aware from my previous posts I recently got dumped after a 3 year relationship and am trying to cope/move on. I thought I was doing ok, I get times where I think ‘screw her, I don’t need her’ and other times where I feel so down and depressed I just don’t see what the point in going on is, I don’t feel like I’ll ever meet anyone like her again, etc. Lately I’ve been unable to shake the idea of someone else with his hands on her out of my head, a jealously issue I guess, but I seemed to be coping with it ok these past few days. Today I got up, went out and washed the car, came inside and logged online for an hour. I logged into my facebook, couldn’t help but notice she’d updated hers and so I made the mistake of having a look. She’d been talking to some bloke that she liked, planning to jet over to stay with him in America for a couple weeks (he used to live here (UK) and works over there - she’d confessed to liking him before we were together), as well as talking to other blokes and planning weekends away partying, etc. Its just made me feel rock bottom again. I knew she was getting on with things, and she said she’d fallen out of love, but I didn’t honestly expect to be completely brushed aside and forgotten about as if we’d never happened. Again, I think its all just jealousy on my part, seeing what I thought was the love of my life (and verbally 3 weeks ago ‘I was hers’), just flirting etc with other guys and generally acting like I never existed, all the while I’m sat here moping over this loss, still not quite coming to terms with the fact it is over for good. I know looking at her facebook is asking for it really, its not giving me the NC I need to just leave her behind. But I find that if I don’t look out of curiosity then I just sit there imagining what ‘could’ be happening. Has her status changed to ‘in relationship’, etc and eventually the need to know over powers my fighting urge not to look
polywog Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Ouch. Big ouch. And I understand the temptation, and the shame it brings to not be able to resist. Thank god my ex does not have that kind of site, because he has a new gf, so I feel your pain. Just want to send you my sympathy, or in my case, sort of empathy. Sometimes I think that despite everyone saying not to dwell on this stuff, it actually helps a bit with the moving-on, with realizing it's over. But it sucks. Hang in there, and seriously, try to resist. Post here instead.
sb129 Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 Facebook is a big no no! It just depresses you. As polywog says, post here instead.
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 What polywog and sb said... Plus, try to remember that things like facebook and myspace are tools that people use to make their life sound interesting. She's not going to put negative stuff about her life on there...so dont take it too much to heart. I have a friend who I know doesn't have the life she professes to have on myspace, she doesn't lie but things she does are worded so positively that she sounds like she's having a whale of a time. I know better. Chin up, you'll be stronger for this in the long run but try not to torment yourself with her life...concentrate on your life instead.
Author jon3105 Posted May 19, 2007 Author Posted May 19, 2007 Thanks guys, the support is really helpful and comforting. The situation has had an 'upside' effect on me I guess, I've sort of had a good look at myself and thought 'why should I let this continue to keep getting me down'. I've taken more positive steps forward such as taking her number off my phone completely (fortunatly I dont know it off by heart) and deleting her email address from my msn contacts, etc. As upsetting as it is, at the same time having seen that shes moved on in the way that she has, has really made me determind to get over her as soon as I can now. Jealousy is probably the main thing holding me back. Like I've said in previous posts we both let our social lives slip in the 3 years we were together and shes now back out every weekend with her old friends from college (I think girls have an easier time just picking up their old friends again). I've got back in touch with most of my old friends, and luckily for me they've proven to be good mates and taken me back, but they're not the kind that are neceserally interested in going out for a night on the town. Where as she appears to be off out every weekend, so I guess theres a little jealousy there, along with the painful thoughts of what/who she might be doing come the end of the night. I dont know whether a couple of counselling sessions would be the thing I need to help kick that and forget about her? or maybe a part time job in a bar/pub is the answer I need to help me meet new friends/people?
Author jon3105 Posted May 20, 2007 Author Posted May 20, 2007 I closed down my facebook account, thinking now i wouldnt have the easy temptation of checking up or anything and I could avoid her completely and heal. I went to the supermarket this afternoon, bumped into some guy I know (not brilliant friends - hence his delicacy towards me coming up) and he blurted out "I saw your ex out last night on the dance floor, she hasnt taken long to move on has she.." Just what I needed, thanks mate I really dont know if I should just up and leave out of here, go travelling for a year or maybe even 2 and just work as i travel. Where I live at the moment is a small little bay, with 5 or 6 nightclubs maybe and everywhere I go theres someone that knows us both. It just seems like I cant get rid of her and tbh im scared of the inevitable happening and me bumping into her and a new fella sometime down the line. To tell you the truth im a bit of a home boy and so i think id find travelling on my own a little difficult, at first atleast. But could this be something I need to do to get away from it all, start over fresh and maybe build up my independance a little? or would abandoning the much needed support (at the moment atleast) of family and friends just make it feel harder and even more alone? I just dont know what to do anymore
polywog Posted May 20, 2007 Posted May 20, 2007 jon, I live in a small town, too, so I know what you mean. Your acquaintence was very insensitive, by the way ! Blockhead! Geez! Anyway, you are getting a little extreme when you say go away for a year or two.... How about a week or two? Go hiking, or visit a city, stay in Youth Hostels and meet new people. One of the best times of my life was when I travelled in Europe for a few months after the end of a relationship. I was open to anything, and I met a lot of great people and travelling buddies. Think about it.
Author jon3105 Posted May 22, 2007 Author Posted May 22, 2007 Thanks poly. I probably am being a little too extreme with the idea of 2 years, I just fantasise at the moment about the idea of leaving everything behind and starting over fresh, meeting new friends/people and just having no more reminders of her. I was stuck in traffic on the way to work this morning, when i noticed the car infront of me, guess who it was...of all the people, all the times and all the places. She glanced up, saw me in the mirror and waved. I raised my hand back in a hello guesture, I didnt want to ignore her else it'd make it seem like I was bothered, but i didnt want to come across as exstatic to see her either. It hurt. Just seeing her again and the strange body language towards me, just a very casual happy hello wave, felt so horrible, like she was treating me like an old friend she hadnt seen for a few months Why does it hurt so much just going through something like that, its not like she was even with a new fella at the time or anything. I guess its technically breaking the whole NC thing and so it has the same 'set back' effect?
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