EmptySpaces Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 I don't know where to begin.. I am 29 and met a girl, Erica, she is 21. We have been seeing each other for about 9 months. Before I had met her I was with my ex-girlfriend for 7 years. I went overseas and when I came back everything seemed fine. Then two years ago from june, I was talking to her best friend and told her friend that i was going to propose to her. well her friend told me that while i was in Iraq, she had cheated on me with another guy. Needless to say I broke up with her. Before I left for Iraq she had never cheated on me. She was the only real girlfriend that I had ever had and the only person that I have loved so much. Ever since the first day that I met Erica I felt that I could spend the rest of my life with her. Over the past two months I have been doing as much as possible to avoid her and push her away though. I don't know why I am pushing her away though. I think about her all the time and write letters to her everyday, that I have never given her. I know that I want to be with her I just don't know what I'm running from. Any help would be appreciated this is driving me crazy.
alphamale Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 well ES, lets do some introspection.....why do YOU think you're pushing yourself away from Erika? I have my theory but I'd like to know what you think first.
Author EmptySpaces Posted May 19, 2007 Author Posted May 19, 2007 I think that part of it is that I'm going to turn 30 next year, she will only be 22 and in college then, I would like to have kids and be able to be there for them when they are old enough to have kids, I want Erica to finish college as well though. I know 3-4 years might not seem like a lot but that would mean i'd be 53+ years old when my children turn 20 years old. Erica would be in her mid 40's. I suffered some injuries while in Iraq to my back and some internal injuries to my lungs as well, I take shots every 6 months for my back, but I worry that I probably won't live to see 60 or 70 because of my injuries. My father died from cancer at the age of 50 and I watch my mother suffer so much. I don't want Erica to suffer from losing a me. Then I guess the other part is that she is only 21 and still in college, so what if she really doesn't love me? Will that take 6 months or 6 years for her to realize that she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with me. I dunno I think I am looking for escape goats so that I can die alone with no one to worry about me when I die. I have always pushed my family away.
alphamale Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 well ES living your life based upon what may or may not happen in the future is totally futile. no one has a crystal ball. just do what comes natural....if its meant to happen then it will.
zilverenvlinder Posted May 19, 2007 Posted May 19, 2007 You can't make or break a relationship you're into just because you want to have kids right away. Stick it out with this girl, and see where it goes. 30 is not that old. (For instance, when I was 21 I dated a 34 year old. Haha. Yes indeed. And HE broke up with ME!)
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