Author mewbomb Posted January 21, 2003 Author Posted January 21, 2003 yes... i understand what you are saying... but i have to say I am not obsessed. Just love her and I don't bug her at all. Especially after yesterday. Your right about the respect thing, so Im giving it to her. All this is fresh wounds... for both of us it is hard and i never got a chance to say what i had to say. That is really the "only" reason i called. Now that it is done it is up to her to be alone, sort her crap out, make her own decisions. That is why in my last post i had said that she will regret this decision. I know you might think I am "obsessed", but im not, I have love for her...there is a big difference. Im not sure how old you are ally.... I know to leave her alone. Especially now... lol
Ally Boo Posted January 21, 2003 Posted January 21, 2003 I'm 24, but I dont know, as I was reading some of your posts, you were really spazzing out, and that lead me to believe you might be obsessed. Good for you! I know it's going to be hard, but you are doing the right thing. I just see way too many similairites between me and th ex I was telling you about...and with you and yours. It was just weird. We'll see how things go with you in the next few weeks...then we'll see how you two compare! heh
Author mewbomb Posted January 21, 2003 Author Posted January 21, 2003 isn't spazzing out what this forum is for... I mean i could play it cool on this forum but im here for help. Not to get my girlfriend back.... We will see... and now you...got me going. Im sure I won't call as much as I want to. Oh..by the way.. This boyfriend of yours, how often did he call you and why did you break up. What were the circumstances??? Im just curious, did you love him? Did he do something? let me know...
Ally Boo Posted January 21, 2003 Posted January 21, 2003 isn't spazzing out what this forum is for... Of course it is...it just freaked me out bc it reminded me of him, thats all! hehe This boyfriend of yours, how often did he call you and why did you break up. What were the circumstances??? Im just curious, did you love him? Did he do something? let me know... Well, it's kind of a long story, so I'll spare you and make it as brief as possible. Basically, we'd known each other a while, and as soon as I got out of a relationship, we started dating. He was really nice, and I knew he cared about me and was very attracted to me, so I knew that cheating (which was a big factor of pain in my previous relationship) wasn't going to be an issue. I was living with my parents at the time, and because he and I clicked so well, and it sucked living at home, I moved in with him like within a week of us dating. As time went on, and the "newness" wore off, my fear of committment kicked in. We were talking about getting married...even picked out some rings. I would have married him too, it's just, when the dust started to settle, and I wanted space, he freaked out and I just NEEDED TO THINK!!! I wanted to be sure that this was what I wanted, and to sort through the feelings I still had for my ex bf. Plus, I wanted to play pool with an old guy friend one day, and he spazzed and wouldn't let me....and then got all stern with me. I'll never forget the look in his eyes, when he said no, and I walked away, and he grabbed me and made me look at him again and "not walk away from him." The first time I left him, I stayed with my parents, and he'd call me at work like every day, sometimes several times, and send me long emails about his undying love for me all the time...I let it get to me...that's when I came back. (He also did the same the second time I left him, for a long time, the second time I left him.) But when I came back, I realized that I still wasn't ready for this, and left again. All I wanted was space so I could think. I got a rent house, got a cell phone and didn't give him the number (but was going to when I was ready), and I just wanted to take baby steps with him. Well, he says he "accidently" found out where I lived...by driving down my street or something. And what really got to me was every time I wanted to give him a little piece of me and my space...it was pointless bc he was secretly keeping tabs on me and secretly felt like he had it anyway. He even went on this forum to see what was going on in my life. And it really started to scare me. He just didn't want to do things on my terms, and it really hurt my feelings, because I didn't understand why he couldn't respect me, and that if he really cared for me, he would have seen how scared I was, and how I needed him to support me in my decision for space, so that I could come back to him with open arms and probably marry him. But, he was always talking to my friends, and everything would get back to me, and it was just bad. He justified his actions by saying he cared about me and wanted to make sure I was ok. I took that as being controlling and disrespectful and mean...and all I could think of was...if this is how he is when we break up, how is he going to be when we are married? I moved on, he moved on, and months later, I tried to be friends with him again. He has a gf, and it upset her (and I can understand why) that he was keeping our communicating a secret from her. And really, my opinion of him just went down from there...bc while he had a gf he would talk to me about how he missed me and wanted me to get back with him etc. But then he'd just go back home to her and tell me not to call him or something...like I was his "secret other woman." That just insulted me more, because at one point, I thought about reconsidering and working on being friends and trying to see what we possibly had left. But in all honesty, all I could think about was how he's going home to this girl, while calling me and telling me how he wants to be with me and have sex with me and stuff. And that's just not the person I thought he was. Anyway, that didn't end up being very brief. LOL sorry
Author mewbomb Posted January 21, 2003 Author Posted January 21, 2003 i will elaborate more but i would and will not do any of that stalking and stuff.... that for sure will push her away... i needed clear answers so i called... I got them, now it is up to her to recognise what she is doing and deal with it.. yes i want her back... but she knows this.. i guess if i don't call she will wonder and call...maybe not, but if she doesn't then i know she doesn't really love me.... either way...all of this really is bad... i don't want to sound mean or anything but i hope she is miserable...i really do... cause she is going to miss out on a lot that i can offer... hopefully i will a:get back togetherllllsooon... or b:find someone else soon enough...either way... i hope its not long.. feel free to comment ally... and ehem...where you from???LOL
Ally Boo Posted January 21, 2003 Posted January 21, 2003 I'm in Louisiana. Well, that's good, let her come to you. She probably DOES have issues, and sometimes, guys seem to complicate that. LOL Its ok that you hope she is miserable....I guess. And I'm glad you got your answers. Hey like my new avatar? Its my eye...from a digital art piece that I'm in. I couldn't figure out how to do a whole picture without this computer being stupid.
Swamp Posted January 22, 2003 Posted January 22, 2003 I kinda did that with my ex... here is my story- see if either of you relate: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t19395/ AllyBoo.... your boyfriend was a stalker! I dont think I was stalking. I mean yeah I called a few times throughout a month long silence, and wrote a couple times. But I didnt harrass her and sweat her all crazy. Man today it hurts! Yesterday I was a little better. Today Im back in a slump.. like its every other day or somethin.
Author mewbomb Posted January 22, 2003 Author Posted January 22, 2003 im guessing that you kind of pushed it too far... like when she said she needed time... maybe you poured your heart out just a little too much... you don't know for sure that she will be gone for good... but maybe she thinks she is moving and you guys will apart too long... basically i know that you feel like crap, miss her, want to talk to her and all that. But like the same that is happneing to me... you CANNOT make someone be with you if you don't want to. As hard as it is...try not to call or even contact for while... see what happens...you never can tell with women. For me on the other hand...im gonna wait a while... or until she calls... i can't call or let it bother me that much anymore... Hey swamp... you should think of all the bad things about her... like how she will be gone for a while... do you really want that... no sex..no gf... who knows wtf she will be doing out there... ive been in lots of relationships...close one's,,,,far ones(overseas) and ill tell ya...the ones far apart never seem to workout right...even if it is only a few hours a way... i think if she loves you and all that, when she gets back from africa she will call you... good luck...nice to know someone is in somewhat of the same situation........
Swamp Posted January 22, 2003 Posted January 22, 2003 Shes not moving for like a year and a half. The thing is too.. she poured her heart out while she was breaking up with me! "I LOVE YOU SO ****ING MUCH" and all that? AHH! Yeah I wont call her. i have my discipline enforced and everything. Mewbomb... there are millions of people in the same boat as you. Seriously... just find a random person on the street and ask.
Author mewbomb Posted January 22, 2003 Author Posted January 22, 2003 but i did think this was the last time i had to do this. Guess not? I tell ya... i learned alot from all my relationships..but regardless of what happens here, i will learn the most from here. I got the i love you so much and i will miss you crap as well. This is all to ease your pain i think. Mine too for that matter!!! ask the people on the street? id rather not... but... i would ask some nice lookin chica for a date!
Swamp Posted January 22, 2003 Posted January 22, 2003 nah... she wasnt saying it to ease my pain. because she mixed that comment in with some of the harshest things ive ever heard in my life. i have a feeling you will be contacted by yours man... but dont listen to me. i just know that if i played my situation different.. it would be different.
Author mewbomb Posted January 22, 2003 Author Posted January 22, 2003 listen...you can listen to as much advice you want, but no one knows your relationship how you do! no one knows how you feel for her or the vice versa! What im saying is, if you feel like what your doing will make it better...do it, .... although it might be wrong...at least you did what YOU thought was right. This board is about YOU, not what someone else thinks is right. Now don't get me wrongl, I probably will take a lot of this advice on the board. But that is because when i read it, thought about it, then acted on it. Not..."oh yeah....thats me...exactly..." because that is impossible... of course this is just my opinion
Swamp Posted January 22, 2003 Posted January 22, 2003 See how much more clearly you look at my situation than your own?
Author mewbomb Posted January 22, 2003 Author Posted January 22, 2003 im not really looking at your situation when i say these things...im looking at both of us.... and anyone else out there really... whew...feels good to vent!
Swamp Posted January 22, 2003 Posted January 22, 2003 Yeah venting feels real good man. How long did you date this girl for exactly? The thing is... the girl I was with told me on several relationship discussions we had that she has a habit of pushing people away. I wonder if I got too close or something. Because she told me the person who is for her will never have to worry about getting pushed away. Thats not possible with this girl.
barry Posted January 22, 2003 Posted January 22, 2003 I just broke up with gf 3 months ago. Did not contact her at all. Last week she called, talked for days about how she didnt appreciated me during but now she does. how we click and all that I made it clear I would take no more bull****. Called her 2 days ago and she has not returned the call . You just cant win!! Barry
barry Posted January 22, 2003 Posted January 22, 2003 Issues about not being over her ex "needed to be alone to get over him" Barry
Author mewbomb Posted January 22, 2003 Author Posted January 22, 2003 i would prob start looking elsewhere...who needs this crap about not over...blah blah blah... seriously, take a look at it...its been months and finally you talk and now this... hmmm... who knows what else she will try and make you put up with.... the more she gets away with the more she'll put you through.... thats pretty much how they work i think... but...if you love her... its really up to you... good luck
Ally Boo Posted January 22, 2003 Posted January 22, 2003 What sucks worse?? Being in love and alone or Being in love and in another relationship? LOL Oh wait, you guys may not be able to answer this.
Author mewbomb Posted January 22, 2003 Author Posted January 22, 2003 i think that being in love and alone is worse because if you were in a relationship and in love with someone else... at least you have someone there for you
Ally Boo Posted January 22, 2003 Posted January 22, 2003 Then, they fall in love with you...and you aren't ready. This has happened to me twice. I guess I'm too easy to fall in love with...it sucks.
Author mewbomb Posted January 22, 2003 Author Posted January 22, 2003 USING SOMEONE... but hey...gotta do what ya gotta do!!
Ally Boo Posted January 22, 2003 Posted January 22, 2003 i think that being in love and alone is worse because if you were in a relationship and in love with someone else... at least you have someone there for you Its about companionship, not falling in love, it just tends to happen.
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