D-Day came and went!!!

[Meaplus3]

Good for You FF! I am sooo very glad that you are free of this man! I am glad I could help you! Remember that you helped me out too! I wish you the the best girl,because you deserve the best! Stay Strong!

 

AP:)

[hardcase]

If anybody has been following my story it was just a matter of time before d-day happened. I was at the end of my rope emotionally, physically and mentally. So one night after I had heard all of mm's excuses for the last time, I snapped and ended up leaving a message on his cell phone to get ready because I was going to tell his W everything. I could not take it anymore and I just wanted the hurt to end. Well his W got a hold of his cell phone somehow. I personally think he gave it to her, but anyways she freaks and calls me and wants to know why i am so mad at her H. I don't call her back and then he starts calling me to save his ass and not say anything o her. I do not call either of them back and tell my H everything about having a EA with mm. So my H says do not call either of them back. Xmm has come up to me numerous times to not tell his W and I told him if he comes near me again I will tell her. So I finally got rid of him and it has been a week. When I saw how close I was to losing my H and kids I realized that 1) mm did not actually care at all. 2) I was a cataylst for what is going in their marriage and I needed to get out so he could deal with her without me as the crutch. 3) Here is the biggest one for all those who are pondering NC .

 

You would not have thought about your H and kids if your MM would have divorced his wife for you.

 

Bottom line...any man or woman that cheats on his wife is not trustworthy...gee go figure.

You were betraying your husband and had the nerve to get mad at this other man when he didn't turn out to be what you should have known him to not be?

 

Your damn lucky your husband wants to work on the marriage and not throw you out on the street after what you did to him.

 

As far as telling his wife...you should, because she deserves to know...not because you want to get back at him...telling his wife for the purpose of getting back at him isn't your place to do because you were engaging in the despicable behavior right there with him. But yes..his wife deserves to know what a lousy cheat she is married to.

[hardcase]

Wow! That's good news...But, and I hate to say it...This is just the beginning. His wife KNOWS, she's not stupid and it's only a matter of time before she figures it out on her own or pesters you and your husband about what happened.

 

FF, I am proud of you for taking charge finally!

 

Suggest marriage counselling and ask your husband if he is willing to go. DO all that is necessary to prove to him that you want to stay married to him, that you can be a faithful and trusting wife again. D-day came, but it hasn't gone away....Your H WILL react, right now he isn't, but he will....Just be prepared and let him feel what he is going to feel. Answer all that he needs to know, be an open book for him. And, re-affirm that you DO love him and you want things to work out between you two.

 

You took a chance, a big one, he could have easily asked for a divorce, so far it seems he hasn't, so count this one as a wake up call to get your lives back on track.

 

I hope OW read your story and learn from it.

 

Exactly..he isn't reacting now...but as you said...HE WILL.

 

And FF should understand when...not if, but when he gets angry. His anger will be justified.

 

So FF..when he gets angry with you over this....then you take it..you don't fire back at him because this is YOUR doing.

 

I went through a period of about 3 months where I just was angry as hell with her....never in front of the kids...but when they went to sleep, we'd have it out. I even told her one night to pack her bags...she didn't want to.

 

Eventually that cooled down and I no longer yell at her for what she has done...but I'm still angry. So even a year or two from now..things may seem fine...but remember...he will never forget and he will get a little steamed from time to time...even though he may not show it.

 

But the point is...his anger is justified...don't you dare blame him for it.

[hardcase]

Wow now being out of it I see how stupid and below me t was to get involved with someone so selfish and manipulative.

 

Uh....what?

 

It was only stupid and below you to get involved with someone that was selfish and manipulative? How about getting involved with someone PERIOD??

And if this guy was selfish....what where you?

[forbidden fruit]

I take full responsibility for my part in it and that is why i ended it. It took everything I had to end it because I knew it was the most selfish and cruel thing I could to do to my family. Why i did it in the first place is a long story and in the beginning and even in the middle of A I couldn't see why i was doing it because I was so mad at H, but i know now that I should of not taken the easy way out and I should of forced us to marriage counseling.

 

The sad thing is my mm was in the same situation but worse and knew i was vulnerable he sought me out and knew i was easy prey so yes it is my fault because I let him in and did not stop him. I guess i put it out there and he went after it.

 

The most important thing is I am tring to rebuild relationship with H and mm is still trying to see if he can get in the door. Yesterday I had to shut him down. The audacity after he told me he was going to work on his marriage also he still wants to be friends. Wow I was completely blown away. We both almost lost everything and he is trying to come back like it was no big deal. All I can say is true colors!!!!

[whichwayisup]

The audacity after he told me he was going to work on his marriage also he still wants to be friends. Wow I was completely blown away. We both almost lost everything and he is trying to come back like it was no big deal. All I can say is true colors!!!!

 

You know being friend isn't possible and he's a complete idiot to even say it out loud. You gotta follow through on your threat this time - IF HE DOESN'T LEAVE YOU ALONE (other than saying HI and BYE as neighbours) then both you and your husband pay him a visit and talk to him. Make sure your husband knows that the MM is still trying to talk to you and open the door again.

Infact, your H might get pissed off enough to talk to his wife.

[whichwayisup]

Something I just thought of - (and actually your H may want to do this in the future) Talk to him about moving. It might be a good thing and allow you two to start fixing your marriage without having to see and deal with the exMM daily.

[scaredinlove]

FF your story is a little similar to my. I had a affair the wife found out , we ended affair I told my H. My husband dind't react at first but then went completely crazy. Your husband will react too. My wanted to work things out too, but nothing worked out. It was crazy!!!!Be ready for the anger.

 

MM looked for me again and the affair restarted, his wife went from crazy ,,to understanding to crazy, to want work things out ,last I heard she is about to kick him out of the house.

 

So a year later I am single, my H hates me but moved on.Kids survided because we shield them form knowing much and I took them counseling. I went to hell and back.

 

My feelings for MM have changed and I am fine now(although we still in the A).What I am trying to say is your story may not end like mine but it will be very hard, the emotional pain is almost unberable (for all parts involved) but you all will survive. Try to stay away from MM and his W. She will contact you, be prepared for what you want to say.

 

I hope you and your H can work your differences and keep the kids out of the craziness as much as you can. Best wishes and good luck.

[Meaplus3]

Something I just thought of - (and actually your H may want to do this in the future) Talk to him about moving. It might be a good thing and allow you two to start fixing your marriage without having to see and deal with the exMM daily.

 

FF, Whichway makes a very good point about moving! When this was first mentioned to me on LS I did not think it was possible. Even though the ea and all contact has been over for a while, it's still very uncomfortable for me to reside nextdoor to this mm. I have talked to H about moving, and he has said to me that it might be possible. H know's that I want to move because of mm. I think deep down that H agree's to moving because he does not want the reminder of the A in his face everyday. I can't say that I blame him. Good luck FF.

 

AP:)

[frannie]

Sorry if this is a t/j, but Frannie I suppoe now that a decision has been made you can actually "relax" and enjoy the affair.

There is no more pressure on your mm and no more discussions" and no more expectations on your part.

So the turmoil and daily struggle for most OW doesn't affect you anymore.

Can I just ask if you ever feel/harbour resentment towards your mm or whether you are relieved that you still have your "single" statuts and actually don't want a full time relationship with him.

 

My xmm has kids who have flown the nest and that is why I was fed up because he wouldn't leave. I decided that he didn't love me enough, although I also know that adult children can feel resentment towards the parent that leaves.

Look at Chris Tarrant whose eldest daughter refuses to have anything to do with him.

 

You are completely right that there's no more pressure, no more debate, no more anxious hours wondering what is going to happen. After he said he cannot leave we were both certain we were going to end the affair and separate. Our conversations turned to whether we'd see each other in the future, years down the line, and so on...

 

... during the course of which I decided that I'd rather this fizzle out now (or do whatever it's going to do) naturally than go through more months of NC and getting over him, finding someone else and getting to know them. When I thought about it, doing something so effort-intensive just seemed crazy when I could let this fizzle out naturally, get tired of him, or whatever... even build on what we have, have fun, or generally see each other with no pressures.

 

Adapting to that has been really odd, because we seem to have spent so many years talking about 'the situation' and how it was going to be resolved we had forgotten what general fun conversations felt like..

 

Now..? It can sometimes feel mundane, like we're going nowhere, with nothing to solve... it seems I'd become so wrapped up in being in an affair I'd forgotten about the people we both are and whether we're actually THAT happy together! It's a question now of beginning to talk and spend time like we did in the early days... anyway, I digress...

 

In answer to your question no, I don't feel resentful of him at all. When I was faced with never seeing him again (and him arguing with me that it would be best for me if that's what we did, since he was tired of hurting me all the time and all I'd gone through) I started viewing everything so completely differently... not whining and complaining about the situation and how 'awful' it was to be in an affair... but just thinking do I or don't I want to be with him..? And the answer was... I wanted to be with him. My choice. He had made his.

 

And it took quite a while for me to convince him that that really was what I wanted, and I wasn't going to be hurting and miserable again. And somehow, that's been the case.

 

Regarding your situation with a man with grown children. I have an acquaintance who has divorced her husband recently... her children are in their early twenties, and just will not forgive her for what she's 'done to him'... won't talk to her... and they have NO idea that she's seeing someone else (the affair started just a few months before she separated). So... grown up children are by no means to be discounted as reasons for not divorcing.

 

All I'd say is, do you want him and want to be with him..? Then you just have to accept him as he is, in the situation he's in, and with the reasons he gives. If you can't do that, then staying in that relationship is just going to be poisonous to you and really a waste of energy... jmho. Though I understand if he's your xMM then you've probably made that decision already!

 

Do I want a relationship with him full-time..? That's a very interesting question now. I did. Now he's messed around indecisively for so long it has changed my feelings, for certain, and I have to answer that with an 'I don't know'. The fact is, that it's not on offer, so it's a moot point as far as I'm concerned. IF he was single, with a place of his own, then it would be a different question and probably would get a different answer.

 

For now yes, I am happy with what I have: my career is going really well, I love seeing him as much as I do, I feel loved and wanted, and I don't feel any real negatives (none that I'd really count against all the positives). So I suppose I'd call myself that creature that I never really thought existed: a happy OW.

[me_me]

sorry but this is not gonna be easy...but ithink you just creat more drama because deep down you don,t want the A to end and by telling your husband i think that is some kind of revenge on your MM..i don't think you care much about your H ...but yourself sorry its sound very harsh but that is the whole truth of all...i think you wanted The MM to suffer like you suffer ..life after the break up is hard but i think .YOU MUST stopped this...once for all..the end of the day he is protect his wife from knowing..WHY? because he love her and you know that...!!! you are jealous and want attention from the MM ...you know why i said this...i been in that situation....!!! end of the line i have to back off and change all my attitude...for MY SAKE...not anyone ....and i think you should do the same...and about your H ...i think you fall out of love of him....you wanted him to pick you up and cure you...because it does hurt ...really hurt....go away for a while by yourself or with family....and think about the whole thing ..real hard......then you will see yourself.....believe me.....for your sake...and your kids....good luck...and BIG HUG!!!!

[greengoddess]

Frannie you really love this man? He has told you his family means too much to him. If you love him don't you think it's time to step away for his sake. His wife will find out. He doesn't want that.

 

I think it sounds like he wants you to step away. Just from little comments he's made to you. He told you he was tired of hurting you all the time and you accepted it. How noble of him. I don't think he was being noble. I think he was looking for a gentle out. He may be afraid to break it off and needs you to. He may be afraid of you getting angry and telling his wife.

 

If you love him step away now and let him keep his family. He has told you there is no future with you. You even understand not leaving for adult children. He'll never leave and I worry you still have a bit of hope.

Live your own life. Let him live his with his family. Keep some dignity and step aside.

[dignityback]

Frannie you really love this man? He has told you his family means too much to him. If you love him don't you think it's time to step away for his sake. His wife will find out. He doesn't want that.

 

I think it sounds like he wants you to step away. Just from little comments he's made to you. He told you he was tired of hurting you all the time and you accepted it. How noble of him. I don't think he was being noble. I think he was looking for a gentle out. He may be afraid to break it off and needs you to. He may be afraid of you getting angry and telling his wife.

 

If you love him step away now and let him keep his family. He has told you there is no future with you. You even understand not leaving for adult children. He'll never leave and I worry you still have a bit of hope.

Live your own life. Let him live his with his family. Keep some dignity and step aside.

 

 

Have to agree with you GG after reading Frannie's post.

It seems that she had to almost plead with her mm to keep him in the affair.

I guess he thinks he will hurt her even more if he ends it and doesn't know how she may react. But it seems that he was surprised that she wanted to stay in the relationship which speaks volumes.

He made his decision thinking and probably hoping that it would be the end of the affair and he wouldn't have to go on lying at home because he clearly loves all his family.

Someone else said that a man in love will leave even if he has children and I agree. Frannie mentioned her acquaintance who left and has to deal wth the fallout of the affair, but it didn't stop her leaving when all is said and done.

I did walk away but everyone is different and I hope Frannie meets someone one day who will make her number one in his priorities.

[Darth Vader]

Forbidden, I jumped to another of your threads where you mentioned about meeting up for a PA, unless I'm wrong, that means Physical Affair. You just mentioned that you two didn't have sex, I don't know if your lying, but if you are, you're not doing a very good job of it. I suggest that other people read her first Thread, and see if they come up with the same result. I could be wrong, I really hope so. Anyway, if you two did have sex, you had better be forthwith about it to your husband now, because if he finds out that you had sex with OM when you said you didn't, you're just dragging your husband through the mud by lying to him, and shame on you! Also when he does find out the truth, your marriage is certainly over!

[norajane]

Forbidden, I jumped to another of your threads where you mentioned about meeting up for a PA, unless I'm wrong, that means Physical Affair. You just mentioned that you two didn't have sex, I don't know if your lying, but if you are, you're not doing a very good job of it. I suggest that other people read her first Thread, and see if they come up with the same result. I could be wrong, I really hope so. Anyway, if you two did have sex, you had better be forthwith about it to your husband now, because if he finds out that you had sex with OM when you said you didn't, you're just dragging your husband through the mud by lying to him, and shame on you! Also when he does find out the truth, your marriage is certainly over!

 

 

It was a physical affair. She lied to her H about it being an emotional affair. From her November "cake eater" thread:

 

The last time I intiated NC was because I could take the pain anymore. I am married also and we live very close to each other and to make matters worse our kids are friends and we used to be best friends. So all of the guilt, emotions got the best of me. I had an emotional breakdown and cried to him for the first time. He was upset too, and said he was so in love with me. Not the first time we have said this to each other. Here is where the cake eating comes into play. He always says I will call you, but never calls unless it is close to the time he wants to have sex or when I intiitate NC which is about everyday the NC part. So here I am crying and he is trying to kiss me and then his wife pulls up in there car to leave for the holiday. He says once again I will call or you call me. Well that was 6 DAYS ago and I know he will come back from work tomorrow like nothing happened. I am not sure how to act I want to end the games, but I don't want him to think he has gotten the best of me. I don't want him to think he can have his cake and eat it too!!

[Darth Vader]

It was a physical affair. She lied to her H about it being an emotional affair. From her November "cake eater" thread:

 

 

I thought she had Lied to her husband, and to us! We're no fool lady, get your act together and tell your husband everything, quit wasting his life on your Bullcrap! Stop lying to us too, you're FULL OF IT! As far as D-Day coming and going, it hasn't even begun for your husband. You may lose your husband and your children, but, you did this to your husband, and you caused all the pain he will go through. Lastly, don't give me that don't judge me Bullcrap, it's just a fancy way of saying that you don't want to take responsibility for your actions, you don't want to face the consiquences of your actions. Face it, your husband deserves better!

[frannie]

Frannie you really love this man? He has told you his family means too much to him. If you love him don't you think it's time to step away for his sake. His wife will find out. He doesn't want that.

 

I think it sounds like he wants you to step away. Just from little comments he's made to you. He told you he was tired of hurting you all the time and you accepted it. How noble of him. I don't think he was being noble. I think he was looking for a gentle out. He may be afraid to break it off and needs you to. He may be afraid of you getting angry and telling his wife.

 

If you love him step away now and let him keep his family. He has told you there is no future with you. You even understand not leaving for adult children. He'll never leave and I worry you still have a bit of hope.

Live your own life. Let him live his with his family. Keep some dignity and step aside.

 

Yes I do love him.

 

He made the decision to stay based on the knowledge that that would be the end of the affair, and we wouldn't see each other again. Perhaps I think a lot of myself or something, but I don't see that as meaning that therefore he wanted to get rid of me. I see it as meaning that he really, really needs to stay. I know how he feels about me, and I don't take, and never have taken the 'staying or going' question as meaning anything with regard to his feelings for me. If he'd left it wouldn't mean that he loved me more or less, just that he felt he could leave his children.

 

I know some people can't seem to disentangle those two things, but I'm not one of them. As far as I'm concerned it is perfectly possible to love someone with every ounce of yourself, but know that it's not right to be with them (for whatever reason).

 

Now, you talk about 'being noble' vs. 'looking for a gentle way out'... either of those makes no sense to me, nor fit in with his character or actions. He was/is doing what he feels he needs to do, nothing complicated, no ulterior anythings, it really is that simple. IF he wanted an end to the relationship he'd have said so. Rather than doing what he is doing, which is seeing me more often, making even more of an effort for things to go right between us, basically putting more into our relationship than I am at the moment. But if you want to look at everything from the point of view of negativity yes, he could be scared to death that I'll tell his wife!!!!!!!!

 

But let's rewind to last Wednesday when we went to a sporting event together, at his invitation. His brother in law (his wife's brother?) and wife were there. MM wasn't in the least worried about that... in fact he just said if we bump into them, I'll say you're the sister of the workmate who got me the tickets. I said I wasn't up for meeting his family members and suggested we separate til the match began, and he went and met up with his brother in law alone. So... does that sound like a man scared to death of his wife finding out? No, nor to me.

 

Basically, people on here can have a million theories about MM, and about me, and about what is going on. No doubt after that story someone will say he sounds like a weak MM desperate for his wife to find out! Well perhaps any of these things could be true. But I really question the value of theory after theory being advanced when no one knows him, or me, or really anything. It's all speculation. And since I didn't ask for help, more than pointless.

 

As for 'he's told you there's no future', that's also incorrect. He's said there will very definitely be a time when he no longer wants to be married to her. OK I'll rephrase that, a time when not only does he not want to be married to her but will actually get a divorce. And my response to that was that I can't think about that time, or consider it as even a possibility, and I'm certainly not 'waiting' or making promises. I'm through with hoping and waiting. What we have now will have to be enough, or we will drift apart.

 

Which is why he's making the effort, I expect.

 

eta: sorry again for the thread-jack. I don't have a thread of my own, because I'm not looking for input on my relationship. Apologies to FF.

[frannie]

Have to agree with you GG after reading Frannie's post.

It seems that she had to almost plead with her mm to keep him in the affair.

I guess he thinks he will hurt her even more if he ends it and doesn't know how she may react. But it seems that he was surprised that she wanted to stay in the relationship which speaks volumes.

He made his decision thinking and probably hoping that it would be the end of the affair and he wouldn't have to go on lying at home because he clearly loves all his family.

Someone else said that a man in love will leave even if he has children and I agree. Frannie mentioned her acquaintance who left and has to deal wth the fallout of the affair, but it didn't stop her leaving when all is said and done.

I did walk away but everyone is different and I hope Frannie meets someone one day who will make her number one in his priorities.

 

That (bolded) is pure fantasy.

 

The reason I had to convince him that I still wanted to see him was because he was sick to death of hurting me over and over and over. For three long years. Being in an affair and wanting him to leave was really tiring and painful and depressing, and he'd have to be pretty stupid not to have realised that, and pretty uncaring to even think of continuing that if it wasn't what I wanted.

 

In the end I made my decision to continue seeing him because I wanted him in my life, and I didn't want to go through more NC and missing him. Very simple. I'm completely surprised myself that I've found it so easy since he made his decision, but I have. I think it was the not knowing that was killing me. But we shall see. I can't possibly say what will happen in the future or how I will feel. For now, things are very good. But I can completely see why he was reticent to begin it all again.. it's not nice to see someone you love suffering because of your actions.

[greengoddess]

Frannie face it. He's a total cakeman. What's ironic is you give great advice and see everyone elses situation for what it is but you don't see your own. Your love is different.

 

Funny you give the sporting event as an example of his love. You have to be kidding me. You were satisfied with that? You go on a supposed date and you have to stay separated from him till you are in your seat. Where you can just be anyone stting next to him if they saw you. The fun of a sporting event besides watching the game is the excitement and electricity before it.Walking hand in hand with the crowd to have a drink and chatting with everyone while you were alone and he went to party with his WIFES brother. How can that treatment be acceptable to you? he wasn't taking a risk. He dumped you till he sat in his seat.

 

Go back and read all your old posts. CAKEMAN.

[frannie]

Frannie face it. He's a total cakeman. What's ironic is you give great advice and see everyone elses situation for what it is but you don't see your own. Your love is different.

 

Funny you give the sporting event as an example of his love. You have to be kidding me. You were satisfied with that? You go on a supposed date and you have to stay separated from him till you are in your seat. Where you can just be anyone stting next to him if they saw you. The fun of a sporting event besides watching the game is the excitement and electricity before it.Walking hand in hand with the crowd to have a drink and chatting with everyone while you were alone and he went to party with his WIFES brother. How can that treatment be acceptable to you? he wasn't taking a risk. He dumped you till he sat in his seat.

 

Go back and read all your old posts. CAKEMAN.

 

Cakeman or not I can't say that that influences my feelings towards him whatever. Yes, he's content to be married to someone he doesn't love for the sake of keeping things the way they are regarding the children, and is happy to see me too if that makes me happy. I don't have a problem with that, whatever you care to call it.

 

I quoted the sporting event story because it directly opposed someone's suggestion that he might be scared of me telling his wife, or his wife finding out, nothing to do with it showing he loved me: of course that would be a ludicrous thing to suggest, and was merely your interpretation of my point. The fact is that no, he's not scared of his wife finding out.

 

Regarding spending time strolling about holding hands etc. in public, we do plenty of that. As I've said many times on here, he spends most of his week with me, and we go out to dinner, walking and behave exactly like any other couple. MOST of the time we even go to those same games and do exactly that, but this time his wife's brother was going to be there. That didn't stop him from taking me. Nothing to do with 'love' and everything to do with my actual point.

 

eta: and, if no one minds, and since I'm happy with the situation, I'll trust my own judgement on what is going on in my relationship, and decide for myself whether I want to be in it or not. After all, within a few posts he's gone from someone who wants it to end but doesn't know how to tell me, or someone who really loves his wife, to a cakeman... The only common thread running through this is that it's somehow right for it to end for one reason or another, oddly conflicting and bearing little relationship to fact.

 

As I said, I'm happy with it and will be continuing til I'm no longer happy with it. Makes sense to me.

[greengoddess]

If he's not afraid of his wife finding out then why did you need to stay away from him till the event began and you were seated? He was afraid of running into them with you and he made a point of meeting them WITHOUT YOU. That's not being afraid?He must be awfully cautious if you've done this for hree years and no d day.

 

You sound so intelligent and caring why are you willing to put your lifeon hold like this?

[whichwayisup]

No doubt after that story someone will say he sounds like a weak MM desperate for his wife to find out!

 

Actually not only is he weak, he doesn't care PERIOD. I think he has convinced himself that she won't find out because he's so good at lying to her and he can tell her anything and chances are, she'll believe him.

[norajane]

Actually not only is he weak, he doesn't care PERIOD. I think he has convinced himself that she won't find out because he's so good at lying to her and he can tell her anything and chances are, she'll believe him.

 

As I recall, frannie and MM live in different cities, so that does make it easier to hide from his wife. Having worked in the consulting industry for a long time, I'm familiar with how easy it is for cheating MM to hide their extracurricular activities during business travel, and it does give them a sense of invulnerability.

 

Unless frannie tells, W isn't going to know because she won't be running into them, nor will frannie and MM run into people who know his W. The sporting event with the brother in law, well, he wanted to tell brother in law that she was the sister of his workmate who gave him the tickets...as long as frannie is ok with such deceptions, his W will remain in the dark. His W will believe whatever lies he tells her because she has no reason to suspect otherwise.

[frannie]

If he's not afraid of his wife finding out then why did you need to stay away from him till the event began and you were seated? He was afraid of running into them with you and he made a point of meeting them WITHOUT YOU. That's not being afraid?He must be awfully cautious if you've done this for hree years and no d day.

 

You sound so intelligent and caring why are you willing to put your lifeon hold like this?

 

I was commenting on someone's suggestion that he was probably only continuing the affair because he was scared of my telling his wife. The fact that he bought tickets to an event he knew his wife's brother would be at, and didn't mind my meeting him, shows that that's not the case. The story wasn't meant to illustrate or prove anything else other than that point.

 

As I said, it was MY decision to separate from him while he met up with them... he was quite alright with my meeting them and lying about who he was. I didn't 'have to' separate from him. He didn't make a point of meeting them WITHOUT ME. Quite the contrary.

 

And yes, I am an intelligent and caring person. And I'm in a relationship with him because I love spending time with him, he loves and cares for me, and he's equally intelligent.

[frannie]

If he's not afraid of his wife finding out then why did you need to stay away from him till the event began and you were seated? He was afraid of running into them with you and he made a point of meeting them WITHOUT YOU. That's not being afraid?He must be awfully cautious if you've done this for hree years and no d day.

 

You sound so intelligent and caring why are you willing to put your lifeon hold like this?

 

I was commenting on someone's suggestion that he was probably only continuing the affair because he was scared of my telling his wife. The fact that he bought tickets to an event he knew his wife's brother would be at, and didn't mind my meeting him, shows that that's not the case. The story wasn't meant to illustrate or prove anything else other than that point.

 

As I said, it was MY decision to separate from him while he met up with them... he was quite alright with my meeting them and lying about who he was. I didn't 'have to' separate from him. He didn't make a point of meeting them WITHOUT ME. Quite the contrary.

 

And yes, I am an intelligent and caring person. And I'm in a relationship with him because I love spending time with him, he loves and cares for me, and he's equally intelligent. My life isn't 'on hold' it's progressing forward really nicely, every day.